entropie/honeylaser

I have to say I've always worked out, I dance I lift weights and do yoga, I meditate I draw I write I do everything and I still had to SM myself. Guess because I was already doing so many coping skills that was all that was left.

Brittany

one of these spells started this week, and i am just so out of it.

Mainly because of exhaustion/sleep deprivation, and low blood sugar. Loneliness is a key factor. Alcohol can also trigger it - when I start to slip towards the "down" side of things.

But then, I've been depressed when I've been with a dozen good friends.

Recently I started a temp job in a field completely unlike what I've worked in before. Its weird - answering phones, QA work, and managing an office gives me a sense of responsibility, esteem, and confidence.

And yet...getting honours in one of the hardest degrees in the country didn't! hehe

Oh well...humans are odd creatures. And I'm odder than most.

(by the way, everything you're saying is consistent with clinical depression. don't be so hard on yourself. you sound like you're under a lot of stress from your mother, and that's probably not making things any better.)

There are so many more problems I have involving my family. First of all I am adopted by my aunt and uncle. My mother went to jail the day I went home from the hospital. She tried to get me back a couple of months later but my aunt knew that being with her was no place to bring up a child.

The only real thing I remember about kindergarden and first grade is my parents going to court. Still to this day they dont pay any money like they should and wont let me change my last name.

My uncle (who I call dad) doesnt really get involved with my life that much. Right now I'm trying to get my GED. I was in homeschool but no one could teach me the stuff I didnt understand. My parents didnt understand any of the work. I was in public school but I missed too many days. I was sick all the time. I had doctors notes but the school said they were going to fail me.

All my friends are guys right now. And at least once a week my b/f, who is also my best friend, tells me that some guy said that he had sex with me. Guys I have never heard of. It doesnt really bother me that much. I just feel sorry for my b/f. Everyone from his school knows me as the slut from celeste. Well not everyone but alot of people.

I have tried to get help but the doc. told me that I was fine. That I just needed to get into sports or something.

As you can see I do have problems but I guess thats just a part of life that has become second nature to me.

Thanks for listening to me.

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~*Melea*~

just to clarify.

Just a thought!

I started out on Prozac, which I loathe (stomachache anyone?) then went on to Cipramil, until my doctor decided to put me on something stronger. Now I'm on 300mg of Effexor XR. It's great. It doesn't make me feel sick or lose it's eectiveness over time. Besides, I'm too scared of losing the lie I have now to leave it.

Don't et me wrong, it isn't a "miracle drug", going from highschool to college has as much to do with my happiness as the drugs. I still have bad days.

Now I've finished school for the year, I don't have anything to motivate me - I sleep all day and go on the internet all night. I guess the dream is over, in a sense.

I don't really know where I'm going with this, I just need to let it out I think.

Any suggestions from those who have recovered?

Hugs & Scully,
Winnie :0)

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"Gillian Anderson and Annabeth Gish - the ultimate sandwich"

Keeper of:
Scully's bra (EA)
Mulders Wheelchair (SE)
Scene where S tells Sk she's pregnant. (Req)
Scully's green suede jacket (Unn)

but to the point... i think the best thing to do is talk to someone you really trust. (i'm being a bit hypocritical here, i must admit. i'm always too afraid to talk to anyone face to face.) so if you're like me, and can't talk to anyone, find just one thing that can keep you going. it may be a hobby or sport, although i find that when i get really depressed i can't focus on anything.
so my 'keep-me-going' thing is pain. believe it or not. i hate hurting other people. i can't stand it when other people are in pain. i would be so upset if i knew that i had caused someone the type of pain i feel. so, although i don't always believe it, someone out there would be sad if i died. and that's why i'm still here after keeping it all in for 7 years.
(by the way, i'm not even 15. but please don't say how i feel is normal teen angst. you don't know the half of it. if my depression is normal, then what's the point of hoping for something better? i'm only adding this because i've read a few posts here where people jump to conclusions about the writer.)