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Author Topic:   Will this turn into abuse?
AbercrombiePrincess
Neophyte

Posts: 5
From: Eagan, MN 55122
Registered: Aug 2000

posted 08-15-2000 01:08 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for AbercrombiePrincess     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Ok.. Now, my boyfriend and i of 6mos. argue constantly. I think in a way he verbally abuses me like not letting me get off the phone at god only knows how late at night because im tired, he will fight with me to stay on. its kinda scary. He sometimes tells me that i do things that "piss him off so much he could hit me" i just dont know if hes all talk or if this could turn into something even more serious... Please help me out!!

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"All our young lives we search for someone to love, someone who makes us complete. We choose partners and change partners. We dance to a song of heartbreak and hope, all the while wondering if somewhere and somehow there is someone searching for us.."

4*Brie&Tyler*4

Always & Forever

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Gumdrop Girl
Sexpert

Posts: 11271
From: Los Angeles, CA ... somewhere off the 10
Registered: Jul 2000

posted 08-15-2000 03:37 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Gumdrop Girl     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
what he says with these threats to "almost hit" you is extremely disrespectful. I'm sure you care about him, but you really need to stand up for yourself and let him know that you will not take this sort of treatment. You do not deserve it. And if he continues it, he does not deserve you.

His behavior is controlling, domineering. Relationships should be about balance and partnership, with give and take from both sides.

you said, "He sometimes tells me that i do things that 'piss him off so much he could hit me'". Notice his choice of words. He is blaming you for his anger, which is a very immature response, and often a bad sign.

Your post to this board shows that your are concerned things are not going well. That's a good start. Some girls never realize this, and they start to believe that they aren't any good, and that are at fault for angering their partners.

back to what I said, try to stand up to him, or break up.

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i think you're special ... and i don't mean that in a short bus kind of way

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Lady Moonlight
Activist

Posts: 943
From: Missouri, USA
Registered: Jul 2000

posted 08-16-2000 12:09 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lady Moonlight     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Gumdrop, you're a wise woman.

Abercrombie, he's *already* abusing you, by manipulating you, making threats, and tearing at your self esteem. You deserve more respect than you're getting. I agree with Gumdrop--this is a bad situation, and if your boyfriend can't change then it's time to drop him.

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MysteryGirl
Activist

Posts: 91
From: Michigan, USA
Registered: Jul 2000

posted 08-16-2000 12:38 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for MysteryGirl     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
"Anything is possible."

Keep those words in mind. I think you're right. You are already being abused, darlin'. The way he treats you isn't right. No one that's close to you should be making ANY sort of threats against you.

This guy doesn't seem the best to be going out with. It's the beginning of a VERY abusive situation. He's already trying to make you believe that you're doing something that's causing him to want to hit you. You're not doing anything wrong and I'm sure you're a great gal.

You can do a whole lot better then him. 6 months is some time, but I would really suggest you dumping this guy. You see all the time on the news or on talk shows about women being abused by their husbands. These guys warp their minds into thinking they're doing something wrong and deserve to be hit or "disciplined."

They, nor you don't deserve to be hit or abused as you are now. Yes, this can lead into a whole lot more if you continue going out with him. You're in a very controlling, unhappy relationship. Think of the last time he made you happy ... if at all. I'm sure it was a long time ago, eh? You can do a lot better than this guy, Hun. I suppose you can TRY to change him, but I doubt you'll get far. I say just get someone else that's worth your time. Good luck.

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"Growing older is MANDATORY, growing up is OPTIONAL."

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AbercrombiePrincess
Neophyte

Posts: 5
From: Eagan, MN 55122
Registered: Aug 2000

posted 08-17-2000 01:07 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for AbercrombiePrincess     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I really appreciate everyones responses.. i know that you can't change anyone, so im really not sure what im going to do yet. I think im probably going to sit down and talk to him about it..... its the best thing i can think of for now, cause even though hes mean to me, i cant picture myself without him... the last time he made me happy was a long time ago... Its sad! thanks for your help i need someone to talk to and this helps alot.

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"All our young lives we search for someone to love, someone who makes us complete. We choose partners and change partners. We dance to a song of heartbreak and hope, all the while wondering if somewhere and somehow there is someone searching for us.."

4*Brie&Tyler*4

Always & Forever

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Lady Moonlight
Activist

Posts: 943
From: Missouri, USA
Registered: Jul 2000

posted 08-18-2000 08:31 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lady Moonlight     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
You can't change him, it's true, but he can change. However, he has to WANT to change, and it's going to be tough.

Is is dad abusive to his mom? He may not know any other way to be because that's pretty much all he's seen up close, and it's going to be tough for him to learn another way.

Try talking to him, but remember, he may not be able to change without help, and you need to be very, very strong. He may get angry, or he may be very apologetic. Either way, stick to your guns. You deserve to be treated with respect, and if he isn't capable of doing so then you're better off without him. In your place, I'd probably give him an ultimatum like, "Look, threatening me is not acceptable. I'm worth better than that, and if you ever do it again we're through. Period." However, only do this if you're prepared to stick to it, because you need to be powerful here.

You say you can't imagine yourself without him, but you were only six months ago. Being single isn't always the greatest thing in the world, but it sure beats being mistreated. Call up some friends and spend time with them.

Be brave. Our thoughts and good wishes are with you.

[This message has been edited by Lady Moonlight (edited August 18, 2000).]

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negative*nancy
Activist

Posts: 361
From: toronto, ontario, canada
Registered: Aug 2000

posted 08-21-2000 03:20 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for negative*nancy     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Being single isn't great?

Whoever said that?!

Being single can be lots of fun, you can spend time with people you wouldn't normally be able to, go cruisin' for guys (or girls, whatever your preference) and do LOTS of stuff you wouldn't or couldn't normally do if you had a significant other.

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where is fancy bred? In the heart, or in the head?

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Lady Moonlight
Activist

Posts: 943
From: Missouri, USA
Registered: Jul 2000

posted 08-21-2000 09:54 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lady Moonlight     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Being single beats being in a lousy relationship anytime, and I learned that through hard experience. Still, in a world which sometimes seems to be of the opinion that a person is only valuable if they've got a partner, it can be tough. It's worth it, though, and you're right, n*n, sometimes it's downright awesome.

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