My ex did the infamous "oh, don't worry, I'm clean" routine -- and me being the naieve young thing that I was, I bought it. Long story short, I now have herpes. It devastated me at first, but now it's just another one of those annoying things I have to deal with occasionally, like being dependent on glasses or contacts to be able to see past the end of my nose. Granted, it adds a bit of a complication to pre-sex negotiations with a new partner, but it's definitely not the end of the world.

I do wish I'd known better, and had the sense and the courage to insist on STD tests before getting involved with my ex, but that's water under the bridge now.

Kyth

------------------
Kythryne
Scarleteen Advocate

Can you perhaps read this part again?

quote:

---

Can you have sex again? Yes, you can. At least one-third of all sexually active young adults right now have HPV. It's not just you, but that is a wake-up call to take safer sex seriously: and that includes not just condom, dam and glove use, but testing as well. You should also make a point right now of contacting your previous partners to inform them of this so they too can be tested.

The risk of giving it to others is high, but it is decreased dramatically via women when you keep check of your sexual health, get any active warts taken care of promptly, and use safer sex practices: again, namely condoms, gloves and dental dams and testing. You can find out about all of that right here: Safe, Sound & Sexy – A Safer Sex How-To.

So, you have a new person you're dating. The way to start this right is to make sure that before you start progressing to sexual activities, you are comfortable enough with him to tell him you have HPV, tell him what his risks are, and talk about safer sex with him. if you can't do that -- for people with or without an STD or STI -- you shouldn't be sexually active. Those discussions and practices are necessary for everyone right now to have sex reponsibly whether they have an STI or not.

---

The truth of the matter is that when any of us are sexually active right now, we risk infection or disease. And if we can't talk to a partner about those risks -- whether we have an STI or not -- it isn't about the STI. It's about us simply not being ready for what a healthy sexual relationship requires, or about us not having the trust and openness yet with a given partner to take that step.

Thanks so much.

Editing to say, I've been rereading some of the posts on this thread, and I'm sorry if this sounds a little melodramatic. I'm just frightened - nothing of this sort has happened to me before, and I've always, always used condoms etc., so it's a bit of a bolt from the blue.

In the case of herpes and warts, did you know some of the biggest problems with those aren't physical, but MENTAL? yes, when people find out they have herpes or warts, they tend to freak out, feel like pariahs, and have all sorts of psychosocial issues. These are the toughest things to deal with.

But as far as the body itself? warts can be removed surgically. And herpes can be controlled with medications.

The rest is up to you to handle. you can seek support from support groups. I don't know what they've got in the UK (you didn't say where you were from, but you spell stuff with extra 'U's, so I figure...). But in the States, there's HerpesHELP http://www.herpes.com/supportgroups.shtml

It was never a big deal (although I do have a school picture where my chin is all broken out). Mostly I just have to remember not to share straws or cups or silverware when I've got a break out. (Here! Have a bite of this cheesecake, it's really good!) I also make sure that nobody tries to share my lipstick. It goes without saying that I avoid kissing people when I've got a break out.

I usually only get sores when I'm really stressed out or after I've been sick and my immune system is low. When I was younger eating too much chocolate would do it too, fortunately that seems to have gone away.

I just thought I'd post my experiences with oral herpes to let people know that it's not an end of the world sort of situation. It's a bit of an irritation occasionally but that's it, so don't worry about it. I hope this is helpful.

I in fact have a cold sore right now [blaming stress!] and I also think I got it from my grandma when I was little, because I've also had it all my life.

It sucks because I get one probably every 2 months. And they're painful and big and I've had like 3 at one time!
Also have the pictures with the chin breakout.. not fun!

in fact, if you could, cut and paste your new thread into this one.

Okay, so I just diagnosed with high-risk HPV two days ago. Today I had a biopsy.
I know this isn't a terribly risky STD but it's still a serious one, and I can't help but feel weird about it. I was a virgin before my current boyfriend (whom I chose REALLY wisely...but unfortunately his testing didn't reveal that he was carrying this virus), and I don't regret anything, because I know I want to spend the rest of my life with him.

Anyways, I am kind of shocked, confused, and scared about what exactly to expect from this whole thing...and I need to talk to some other girls who feel weird that they have this.

I read somewhere that three in four sexually active people will get this in their life...so since it's extremely common, there has to be some people out there that are just as worried as I am about it.

I'm having some emotional concerns about my sex life. Is this going to change anything? Has it worsened anyone's sex life in terms of "knowing" you're sexually infected?

Im just so shocked...,and it's not going away. Thanks you guys. I'd love some company right now.

I just found out recently that my mother has herpes simplex and she claims that taking lots of lysine tablets helps lessen outbreaks. Also, if you want to go the herbal route, I've read that lemon balm is an excellent herb for combatting the herpes virus. (Of course, before trying to use any herb you should always talk to a qualified herbalist.)

Virgins can also get it, so I guess it sounds like a somewhat normal thing. HPV isn't serious I think, it's just a way of life. Don't take that the wrong way, I just mean that I can happen to anyone, sexually active or not.

I'd say, at least you have low-risk...I'm quite a bit more prone to cervical cancer. I just want the results back. I'm so scared...I hope I don't have to get any of those scary procedures done. I just take such good care of myself: I have such a healthy lifestyle, how could something so scary intrude my body. It's not fair.

When I got diagnosed with this...I was just like... "this is not me. i do not have an std! I have only been with one guy in my entire life. I am healthy! Young! Vital!" I was so shocked, I totally know how you feel. It's so nice to hear that I'm not the only one out there who is totally freaked by this infection.