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Author Topic:   Abuse and Rape Survivors
Miz Scarlet
Sexpert

Posts: 19846
From: Minneapolis
Registered: May 2000

posted 06-05-2000 02:15 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Miz Scarlet     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Have you been the victim of sexual abuse or rape? If you have, perhaps you need some support. Even if that incident is long past, many of us who are survivors have issues that stay with us that can be really hard to work through.

Talk about them here, leand a hand for someone who needs on, or offer suggestions to heal and keep growing.

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Miz Scarlet
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Posts: 19846
From: Minneapolis
Registered: May 2000

posted 06-09-2000 07:05 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Miz Scarlet     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
By the by, I am both a rape and an abuse survivor, and I'm happy to help anyone else, or just talk it out some.

Getting it all out in the open help a LOT.

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kitten
Neophyte

Posts: 9
From: Saint Charles, MO, USA
Registered: Jun 2000

posted 06-09-2000 06:07 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for kitten     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
M'kay.. guess I'll be the first sexual abuse guinnea pig here. Nah, I don't mind actually.
My experience goes back to the days when I still lived with my mother (kicked me out a few months ago) and started as early as I remember. When it was time to travel about 200 miles or so to New Mexico for us all to visit my grandpa at certain times in the year, I hated it.
When we would get there, all the daughters and granddaughters would line up to greet my grandpa and uncles that lived there. I remember I would look at my sister who threw me a sympathetic look back when it was my turn to do the customary "welcome kiss".
He would bend down and kiss me, I would contort my face and close my eyes and just go with it because I didn't want to be "rude to the family". When I was little I thought it was just normal for "old people" to give "sloppy kisses".
Nope. He would shove his freaking tongue down my throat. Every time. And the same thing went for my sister too, as I found out later.
That's the worst thing that would happen though. I got used to it, but always hated it. However, after my grandma had passed away and he was alone and lonely, it was different story.
The house was old, dusty, dirty... there were no doors on the rooms, just curtains, except the bathroom... and even then there was no lock on it.
One visit, my mom and everyone else went across from the house to my uncles trailor to have private, adult talk. Me and my sister were left alone with him.
Doing simple everyday things, like taking a shower or taking your clothes off, was risky. I would avoid it at all costs. But when finally the dirtyness just became too much, I would bath, close my eyes putting on the shampoo, then open my squinty eyes to see him standing there in the doorway, he had opened the door. Staring at me. That disgusting look on his face.
Later, I was sitting in the family room listening to music, and that's when he touched me. I just froze. I didn't have the courage to move or say anything, so I just shut my eyes tight and cried silently. It was the most horrible feeling, the bitterest sickness in my stomach.
It happened a few more times, we told our mom about it, she did nothing. So eventually both me and my sister simply refused to come with her on her visits. We haven't seen or spoken to him since.

I think it's awful when young girls get taken advantage of..abused. When you grow to hate that person so much, you picture them coming up the stairs, kicking them up in the face and watching them fall down.

Abuse or rape can cut into you deeply, sometimes for life. It can make you uncomfortable around boyfriends or guys in general. When I first starting going out, everytime they would try to kiss, I shuddered and got an icky feeling in my stomach. Changing after being abused takes a lot of time and a lot of trust.
I think I'm over it for the most part, but I don't think I can ever forgive him. I'm a forgiving person, but I will never forgive HIM.

------------------
Janice
=^..^=
Meow, baby!

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Miz Scarlet
Sexpert

Posts: 19846
From: Minneapolis
Registered: May 2000

posted 06-10-2000 07:45 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Miz Scarlet     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Kitten,
Big hugs to you, sugar. That was a very brave and wonderfully written post.

I'm of the mind that it is okay not to forgive for a good long time. I think it's reasonable and very valid, and in addition, it's healthy because your anger is focused on the person you SHOULD be angry with, instead of at the whole world, which is a terrible feeling.

I will say though, having come through the forgiveness canal, that even when it's in little bits and pieces, it is quite a relief if you can get some.

For me, what helped was realizing that those who have attacked me were victims themselves, and while that certainly doesn't excuse their behavior, it does make me feel some compassion, as well as recognizing my own strength in not following the same awful pattern.

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Mophead
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Posts: 744
From: Canada
Registered: Jun 2000

posted 06-10-2000 06:35 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Mophead     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Aw. You really are brave to be sharing that with us. That sounds extremely frightening, Janice.

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* LAUREN
Neophyte

Posts: 15
From: Atlanta
Registered: Jun 2000

posted 06-13-2000 09:24 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for * LAUREN     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I myself am a rape victim.

Well, I guess attempted rape. Well, I was at a party in september 1998. Matt (my b/f) was in South Carolina, with one of his parents. So I went to this party anyways, with a few of my girl friends. Most of my friends were wrapped up in their boyfriends, and I met this guy, who's name I won't release, for my own safety, because it's a small world and you never really know who is out there. So, the guy started kissing me and pushing me up against the wall, and I took it just as something that was happening, if that makes a sheer ounce of sense. I actually took it really lightly, a guy kissing me, it's happened before, it hasn't bothered me. He started getting rougher with me, and I was telling him to stop it, and that I wanted to go back downstairs to the rest of the party and find Jenna (my friend) again. For a moment he stopped, and than, he pushed me down on the bed, and I was screaming for him to stop, and finally, Jon (another friend of mine) heard me screaming, and the guy got off of me...so I guess I didn't actually get raped, it was an attempted rape...

But still, after that event, it was really hard for me to trust men, even my boyfriend who i'm dearly in love with. I basically went through this depressed, sheltered time in my life...and even now, I don't really like to talk about what happened to me, it's REALLY hard to talk about without rushing things too much, or trying to shelter things. It's hard. And I think it always will be.

------------------
* LAUREN!
I like bright colors.

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DarkChild717
Advocate

Posts: 1420
From: The Evergreen State
Registered: Jun 2000

posted 06-17-2000 02:57 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for DarkChild717     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Abuse is no fun. When I was about 3-4, both of my neighbors were boys. They were my only friends. Needless to say, I was weak. Almost everyday we'd play "Chapters." If it was chapter one, we'd "have" to stop so they could look at my vagina and touch and so forth.Chapter 2, we'd stop twice. One and on. I kept insisting it was only Chapter one. Not knowing any better, I allowed this to go on. At about the same time period, when it was raining, we'd go inside.

They'd make my friend and I strip down to nothing. I don't remember what may have happened. But we'd get caught, and my friend I would be sent home. I was always releived.

It finally occured to me 2 years ago that I had been abused. I had always beleived it was my fault, I was to blame, I was guilty.
I carried the pain of abuse 10 years before I told anyone. The first person I told was my mom. It felt so good to get it out in the open.

The best advice I can give to anyone is tell a trusted friend. It hurts so much less.

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wear*a*smile!
Activist

Posts: 139
From: San Ramon, California, USA
Registered: Jun 2000

posted 06-19-2000 03:48 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for wear*a*smile!     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
luckily, i have ver been raped. but my heart goes out to anyone who has been raped or abused. SMILE!! miz scarlet, i was wondering if u could share ur stories, if that wouldn't be too hard for u to do. thanks!

wear*a*smile
PUT A SMILE ON UR FACE, TO MAKE THE WORLD A BETTER PLACE!!

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HotGrrl99
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Posts: 384
From: Malibu, California, USA
Registered: Jun 2000

posted 06-19-2000 07:01 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for HotGrrl99     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
A lot of my sisters college friends have been date raped. What sucks is that if a girl has a few drinks and winds up in a guys dorm room at 3am, nobody wants to take her seriously and it's almost impossible to get those guys in any serious trouble. The guys take advantage of the girls all the time by getting them drunk, and even going so far as to put rufies in their drinks! Girls have to really be super careful today.

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PoetgirlNY
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From: San Francisco
Registered: Jun 2000

posted 06-19-2000 07:59 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for PoetgirlNY     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I've never posted to Scarleteen boards before, so Hi everyone. 3 1/2 months ago I was sexually assaulted, I don't know if it qualifies as rape because it was only oral sex. Anyway, I think I've been dealing pretty well. I went to Take Back The Night which was an amazing helpful healing experience for me. My problem is that becauses of the circumstances of the incident I no longer trust myself. It happened on a date and I used horrible judgement over and over again. As much as I know that it wasn't my fault, I don't KNOW it. I found myself alone in a deserted park with a 20 year old huge man that I barely knew at 3 a.m. making out with him. I don't know how I managed to not even think of how stupid the situation was until it became violent. I don't know how I can ever trust myself to make good decisions again. Should I ever trust myself to make a decision again? Has anyone else ever been in this type of situation?

[This message has been edited by PoetgirlNY (edited September 07, 2000).]

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Bittersweet
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Posts: 3
From: Wilson
Registered: Jun 2000

posted 06-19-2000 08:47 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Bittersweet     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I was molested when I was 12, I'm near 16 and it seems like I'm finally getting better. He was my teacher...it started when he asked me to stay in for a test. At first it was just touching then it got to these horrible things. He would use his hand inside me and other things, once a stapler. After awhile he would make me give him oral sex. I never told my parents because my dad and I don't have a good relationship, he has called me a whore before, and once dislocated my shoulder. I'm not sure if I should tell, I don't know if its safe considering my dad. But I have a problem with cutting my self and I know that I'm hurting the people I love by doing but I can't stop. I really want to talk about it but I heard that if you tell someone like a teacher or counselor their required by law to tell your parents. Does anyone have any advice?

------------------
*PURPLE*

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Miz Scarlet
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Posts: 19846
From: Minneapolis
Registered: May 2000

posted 06-20-2000 04:46 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Miz Scarlet     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Yalith, great to see you here. I think you need to recognize that you certainly can make better decisions from here on in regarding your safety, no one's poor judgement makes them deserving of rape. Take baby steps, and use what you know to make the safest choices that you can, but recognize that if someone attacks you, the only person whose fault that is is the attacker, not you.

Bitter, honey, you need a great big hug for starters. Secondly, I think that you're right: you could really benefit from some counseling and advocacy. In a lot of states, people are legally bound to give your parents information if they ask for it (mainly medical), but not neccessarily call and say you're using their services.

Why don't you drop me an email with what city and state you're in, and let's see if we can't pool our resources and find you someone. I'm a former self-mutilator, too, by the way, so you certainly have my sympathy there. That sort of thing usually is (and it certainly was in my case)indicative of needing a helping hand, and some emotional release.

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Beppie
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Posts: 2131
From: Australia
Registered: Jun 2000

posted 06-20-2000 05:02 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Beppie     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Do you have free phone counselling services in the USA? I know we have a free youth helpline here in Australia that is completely confidential- you don't even have to give your name if you don't want to. Of course, I doubt it could match face-to-face counselling, but it would also be better than nothing.

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Bittersweet
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Posts: 3
From: Wilson
Registered: Jun 2000

posted 06-20-2000 03:44 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Bittersweet     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Miz Scarlet- Is hcorinna@aol.com your email addy?

Beppie- Thank you for your advice, I'll try to find a way to check into phone counseling services.

------------------
*PURPLE*

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Miz Scarlet
Sexpert

Posts: 19846
From: Minneapolis
Registered: May 2000

posted 06-20-2000 04:02 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Miz Scarlet     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
One of far, far, too many e-mail addresses, yes.

Btw, wearasmile, in general, I try and keep my own stories aside, unless they're really pertinent to all of YOU folks' stories, because usually, yours are a bit more important.

As well, too, I'm pretty high-profile these days, and some of my stories affect other peoples privacy, and those of my family, so I'm a bit more close-lipped when it comes to the boards and articles sometimes.

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HotGrrl99
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Posts: 384
From: Malibu, California, USA
Registered: Jun 2000

posted 06-20-2000 04:08 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for HotGrrl99     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Poetgirl--- That trusting yourself thing sounds familiar. Sometimes we find ourselves in positions where even though we don't feel that it is appropriate to have sex with a certain guy, our bodies or instincts want us to have sex!! I've been in situations where I knew sex would be wrong (with a friends boyfriend, or an older or younger guy), yet I was so horny or turned on that my body seemed to overcome all of my own resistance! I think that is what you mean by not trusting yourself. I guess if you are the type of person who gets easily sexually aroused, you just have to avoid situations where you will be alone with boys and tempted to do things.

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wear*a*smile!
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Posts: 139
From: San Ramon, California, USA
Registered: Jun 2000

posted 06-20-2000 04:52 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for wear*a*smile!     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
hotgrrl, that is such a dumb thing to say. you can't say "oh, avoid being alone with a boy" or say " my body overcomes me and i sleep with my best friends boy." thats really mean to do to a friend. i mean, this may be off the topic, but who does that and blames it on they're body?? i mean, belive me hot, i know just what u mean, but u should really have a red light come on when u think about sleeping with your best friends guy. i'm not trying to pick on u or anything, but i just had to get that out.

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Miz Scarlet
Sexpert

Posts: 19846
From: Minneapolis
Registered: May 2000

posted 06-20-2000 05:07 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Miz Scarlet     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hey weaar. I'd agree with some of what you're saying, but to do my best translation, I think what Hot was trying to say was that if you ARE very easily aroused, to the point where you find it really hard to control yourself, you need to pull in the reins a bit until you develop some self control.

If that ISN'T what Hot was saying, then that is certainly what I'd add. For some people, developing that control IS really tough. As an analogy, if I was a habitual smoker (and I am, unfortunately) and I was trying to quit, while I was doing that, it'd probably be a good idea for me to stay away from smoky bars or friends who smoked until I developed some extra willpower and was over the hump.

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HotGrrl99
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Posts: 384
From: Malibu, California, USA
Registered: Jun 2000

posted 06-20-2000 05:23 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for HotGrrl99     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Miz S... That's EXACTLY what I meant! If you are the type of person who is highly sexed or gets easily aroused, then it would be helpful to stay out of tempting situations. It's like alchoholics should not hang out in bars! I've heard that some people can actually become addicted to sex, just like with liquor, drugs, or cigarettes!!

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timida
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Posts: 3
From:
Registered: Jun 2000

posted 06-20-2000 08:41 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for timida     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Has anyone here ever been molested by a family member and told your parents/other parent about it?

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Angela
Neophyte

Posts: 2
From:
Registered: Jun 2000

posted 06-21-2000 05:04 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Angela     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I see alot of you are from America, I am from the UK. This is unlike me to write in a forum like this, but it will be a one off. I am 18, but when I was twelve I encounted my first sexual assualt, by a group of lads I didn't know. However, two years after that, a so called friend decided to control me and as well as the physical stuff he managed to mentally control me. I won't go into the ins and outs of what happenned. Anyway, after this all happenned I knew that that was it for me as far as lads will ever go. If I could be sick hust sitting next to a boy, how would I be if I was intimate with one. Anyway, I met someone about a year after this all happenned. It was a phone call relationship, so i was able to talk to him about what happenned without feeling ambarassed. That was three years ago, about a year later we were very close friends and now we are seeing each other. He is very understanding and has never made me do anything I don't want to. I at long last feel comfortable being intimate with him. So, if this has happenned to you, don't give up on your self, you will never forget, but one day it will go to the unactive part of your mind. I was lucky in that i found someone who cared so much for me, but I believe anyone can do too.

Redgards,

Angela

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Jenny
Neophyte

Posts: 3
From:
Registered: Jun 2000

posted 06-22-2000 08:11 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Jenny     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hey, I too am a victim of rape. It happened a long time ago, when I was five. I guess it was pedophilia more than anything. My parents were divorced, and my mother trusted a friend of the family to babysit. He did it to me. I think the fortunate thing was that I didn't really know what he was doing, other than it hurt. I did tell my mother, and a civil trial later, he went to jail. My family was probably most concerned that he may have hurt me permanently, and I still have routine visits with my gynecologist. Thankfully I'm very healthy and well. It seems more like some bad dream than anything, now, like a memory someone could confuse with a nightmare. It controls my outlook on life a bit ever since that day I asked my mother about a memory and she knew I was old enough to be sat down and told the truth. We don't talk about it anymore, just something I don't want her to keep remembering. Perhaps for the best, what happened to me makes me more supportive to friends and others that have been a subject to this kind of abuse. I'm here to help anyone. I don't know what it must be for people to be a victim of rape and keep the secret with them for so very long, especially when they know what's been done to them. I know it's painful, but time can heal a lot of wounds. Getting it out, getting it off your chest is the best thing you can do for yourself, and getting over it is just as good. I'll talk to anyone on this board, who asks. We can't let the lows of the world get us down.

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timida
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Posts: 3
From:
Registered: Jun 2000

posted 06-22-2000 11:17 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for timida     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I was abused when I was younger, too. When I was 12 to 13 (I'm 18 now) my uncle used to molest me whenever I went to my grandmother's house. He lived with her and I would sleep over her house sometimes. I have memories of waking up to find him on top of me; and touching me when my brother and I were watching tv in his room; I have all these memories that haunt me sometimes; up until I was 15 I couldn't even stand to be hugged by a guy; I would get this awful feeling, like a hot flash. Nowadays I'm okay, but then certain things bring me back into this mode where I'm scared always; I'm scared to even walk down the street. Yesterday I was walking down the main street of my town and this guy in a business suit in a red Jaguar stopped his car in front of me, started questioning me, and asked me if I would be interested in "spanking" him. This guy really scared me, and put me into one of those frightened modes. Anyway, my question is, how do you get the courage to tell your parents about being abused, especially by a family member? I can't even tell my parents about guys who stop me on the street; I can't imagine telling them that my uncle, my father's younger brother, used to molest me. How do you get that courage?

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Miz Scarlet
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Posts: 19846
From: Minneapolis
Registered: May 2000

posted 06-22-2000 11:28 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Miz Scarlet     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Timida,
Have you told anyone else yet outside your family? When it is a family member, family is indeed harder to tell. That doesn't mean you aren't brave, it means you're recognizing that it's going to be intense and difficult, which it usually is. Cut yourself some slack.

But telling someone else (a counselor, a close friend, a more distant family member) may be a way to get started. I know that for myself, writing was always a great help. Before I talked to anyone, I wrote pages, and pages just releasing it all and hearing my own words.

All of us are brave, just for continuing to move forward. Look, you guys even went and shared your stories with strangers. That takes courage and guts, and I'm sure a lot of people reading who may not feel up to posting are really grateful for it. many people can never even get that far.

However yucky it may sound, recovery from abuse takes a really long time. I know I'm not done recovering, and I'm 30. I suspecxt I'll always be dealing with some aspect of it. BHut if you're even at the point where you can say it aloud and look at it deeply, you've come a long way that a lot of victims don't ever get to.

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Angela
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Posts: 2
From:
Registered: Jun 2000

posted 06-23-2000 12:40 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Angela     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Timida,

Don't give yourself a hard time about not telling your parents, there is nothing that says you have to. As long as you do find someone to talk to, this is vital. I can see where you are coming from even though I was lucky in that it wasn't a family member. I have difficulties walking down the street, I will cross my arms as a barrier and even astart walking funny, I do on occasions have very little self confidence and respect. I managed to talk to a person who worked on a radio station (it sounds stupid I know). He was a man, which helped me tremendously with my fear of men and he was just a voice, until we met each other and became very close friends. Anyway, what i am trying to say is, don't worry anbout your parents at this stage, worry about finding someone ( I would recommend someone who only has ears and not a face to start off with for confidence reasons) and talk about what you feel and try to begin to understand yourself and what happenned. If in a few months or even years time you feel comfortable telling your parents, then that is fantastic. I don't feel the need to tell mine as I know how to handle the situation now. It is funny, we are in two totally different countries, 1000 of miles from each other, yet at the end of the day, we all share the same problems.

Sorry for going on..

regards,

Angela

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Brandy
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Posts: 46
From: Winnepeg, MB, Canada
Registered: Jun 2000

posted 06-23-2000 08:33 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Brandy     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
About a year ago I finally came to my senses and got out of an abusive relationship. It was both physically and sxually abusive. I knew that when he would beat me, it was wrong, and that he had no right to be doing it. But when he would have sex with me without my consent, I didn't really think that I could call it rape or sexual assault because he was my boyfriend. It's been just over a year now, and since I've been away from him, I've been thinking about what was really going on in our relationship. Was he raping me? So many nights I would wake up and find him on top of me, (We lived together for awhile) trying to force himself inside of me. I would just lay there and let him finish, and then try to go back to sleep. All the times he would grope me sexually in public and I had to beg him to stop. All the times he would make me have sex with him in other peoples houses, or when someone was just aroud the corner. I mean is this rape? Is this sexual assault? It just occurred to me latley that I never said yes to any of this things, I just never stopped them because I didn't want him to get upset. Is it right for a boyfriend to do these thing to you? Or is it just automatically assumed that because you've had sex with them before, it's okay to do it whenever the person wants it. I don't know if i have been raped or sexually assaulted for sure, but I know that I felt violated when these things happened. I guess that's enough to know it was wrong.

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Jenny
Neophyte

Posts: 3
From:
Registered: Jun 2000

posted 06-24-2000 01:12 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Jenny     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Brandy:

Rape is defined strictly as non-consensual intercourse. No, not even someone's own husband is allowed to have sex with them unless they give the okay. Relationships should not allow anyone free access of your body. It is yours and only yours. Good for you, for getting out of that. That must have taken a lot of strength and courage, and that was one of the best decisions you could have made for yourself. It's never right for a boyfriend to do anything to you that makes you feel is uncomfortable. You and I and everyone sets personal limits to our own bodies and our own speeds of sexual maturation.. and if anyone, husband, boyfriend or partner alike wants to challenge that, they're not worth it to stick around with.

[This message has been edited by Jenny (edited 24 June 2000).]

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HotGrrl99
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Posts: 384
From: Malibu, California, USA
Registered: Jun 2000

posted 06-24-2000 03:10 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for HotGrrl99     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I had a boyfriend once who wanted me to blow him and fool around with him in front of his friends and even in public! I got rid of the pervert. If a boyfriend is doing stuff to you that you don't like, you need to ditch him right away, because it's gonna be really hard to prove that you were being forced to do stuff that you don't like if you just keep on living or even staying with him!

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The Mixmaster
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Posts: 5
From: Mixing at your nearest Nightclub very soon
Registered: Jun 2000

posted 06-29-2000 07:59 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for The Mixmaster     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I might be a guy, and don't know how you all feel, but my heart goes out to you all. I believe that anyone who treats a girl or anyone like that for a matter of factt is really screwed up, I hate it. I really hate people who do that to others, it kills me.

Sorry. I had to get that off my chest.

Sorry

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Miss Fire
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From:
Registered: Jun 2000

posted 06-29-2000 01:16 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Miss Fire     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hey,
Umm....I am posting this because I need some help with something.My best friend is adopted because her mother had been raped when she was 13.My friend is 14 and I see that she is always senistive and crys like all the time and when she hears things like "Rape or Date rap"she crys and is there anything I can do as a friend to help her?
Is she like this becuase of the emotion her real mother went though?
Thank you!!

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AbercrombieBabe
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Posts: 24
From: TX, USA *yawn*
Registered: Jun 2000

posted 06-29-2000 04:26 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for AbercrombieBabe     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I have never been abused or raped *and I thank God for that* but my b/f has. Starting when he was 2 yrs old he was physically abused by his parents and molested my his uncle and grandfather. This continued till he was able to fight back and finally ended when he moved out at age 14. I know all of this b/c he wrote it all down and he let me read it, he has gone through pyschology and some threapy for it and he's a better person b/c of it. I dunno how he survived through it all I know if I was put into that situation I wouldn't have been able to. I love him so much and he's the strongest person I know.

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aNgElA

~*~iT tAkeS a MiNuTe tO HaVe a CrUsH oN sOmEoNe, An hOuR tO LiKe tHeM, a DaY tO lOvE sOmEoNe, BuT iT tAkEs a LiFeTiMe To FoRgEt SoMeOnE~*~

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bEn & AnGeLa aLwAyS
<3 3/25/00 <3
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

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sunflower
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Posts: 130
From: Berkeley, CA, USA
Registered: Jun 2000

posted 06-29-2000 05:12 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for sunflower     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
My boyfriend and I were both abused as children (he more so than I). Mine is similar to the first person who posted and that is my grandfather used to kiss me a lot more than I think that he should have. We used to be in the car and I would be chewing gum and then he would say that he wanted a piece of gum and then I would reach to get a new one and then he would say no I want the one that you have and then he would make me give it to him with my mouth (it was his way I guess of french kissing). Then when my grandma passed away I would spend the night and he would give me back massages, that just made me feel icky!!!! Also one time my cousin (I was 13 he was 15) walked up behind me and kind of just grabbed me down below and that was kind of freaky.

I didn't ever tell anyone about any of this until I had been with my boyfriend for awhile and he was trying to console one of his friends who had been abused as a child and I begged him just to not talk about it anymore. He didn't understand why it upset me so much so he kept pestering me until he got it out of me. I was upset at first, but it felt a lot better to tell someone. Still today I am weird about french kissing sometimes. And my boyfriend sometimes forgets and tries to be sexy and give me a piece of candy or ice with his tongue and I totally wig.

I knew about my boyfriend's abuse even before we got together, because the weekend before we got together he tried to commit suicide and the friend that set us up was there to stop him. He had a very hard life, a mother who used drugs in front of him, a father who beat his mother, a stepfather who also used drugs, and so on. He was abused by a babysitter (I believe) and I am not sure as to the details of what the guy did to him, I just know that he was molested. I don't want to pressure him into telling me anything that he doesn't want to tell me.

However, it started to cause a little bit of a problem in our relationship because he wouldn't open up, and so my mom and I got him into counseling (my mom and her wife were both sexually abused by their fathers) and that seemed to help a lot. However, he only went two times, because he couldn't afford it anymore. He is doing a lot better now though, but I hope that we can both attend counseling together sometime soon.

It just amazes me the number of people who are abused and I thank you all for telling your story. I just found out last year that my father was abused when he was a kid too, but he would never tell me about it. He told my boyfriend to try to counsel him that it doesn't make you less manly when a man does it to you. I want to talk to my dad about it to see if it was my grandfather, but I really don't ever see that happening. I know that I rambled, but it felt good, thanks!!!

[This message has been edited by sunflower (edited 29 June 2000).]

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-Linds-
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Posts: 2
From:
Registered: Jun 2000

posted 06-30-2000 01:36 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for -Linds-     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hi,My name is Lindsey and im 14 years old.
About 10 months ago i was raped by 2 good guy friends of mine. My life was so horrible, my boyfriend was cheating on me, my best friend was dying and on top of that i was raped. For awhile i thought i was okay, i didnt really have any big problems right off the bat. But for about the last 9 months i have constant nightmares when i sleep, At most i get 5 hours a week. My new boyfriend knows and he helps me alot, he was molested as a child so he kind of understands. When im with him things are all right. Problem is i only get to see him once a week and only for a few hours because of my parents.
This is just to say that all guys arent bad, and some of them arent just looking for sex. We agree that just laying together and talking or cuddling is a million times better then sex. It's from the heart. Thanks!
Lindsey

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-Linds-
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Posts: 2
From:
Registered: Jun 2000

posted 06-30-2000 01:52 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for -Linds-     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I wish you were around while I was being raped.

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QTPye
Neophyte

Posts: 12
From: michigan
Registered: Jun 2000

posted 06-30-2000 11:42 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for QTPye     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
there have been three people who have abused me, one tried to rape me a couple of times. the hard part is they were all in the family.
my cousin "j" used to touch me.he's a year older than me and at the time i didn't kow that anythig was wrong just that i didn't like it. it didn't go on for long.
my half brother "h" came to live with us when i was little. when my sister and i would go in his room together it was fine but the second she left he'd say my name in the nastiest way and move close to me so that he could rub on my legs. it got to the point where i felt really uncomfortable and if my sister left the room i was right behind her. years later i found out that he had to live with us because he'd been kicked out of the house for tryig to molest his own full blooded sisters.
my other cousin "l" was the worst. the first time was whe were visiting family. i walked into a room and he walked in behind me and shut the door. i was young not even in school yet. he was trying to lay on top of me when an adult walked in. we both got in trouble.
it continued whe we got home. oce he came over and everyone was outside but me. he came into my room and got on top of me. he didn't rape me but him rubbing himself against me was discusting enough. there house caught on fire so they had to stay with us. one night he put his fingers inside of me and that was the night i told him if he touched me again i'd tell. he never did it again.turns out he raped another girl and got jail time.
for a long time i felt embarrassed. i wanted to know why the family wanted to abuse me. i felt bad for being pretty.
my mom only knows about the first time "l" touched me.years later she asked me about my half brother (who i no longer consider family) but i didn't tell her.i'm i tears writing this now because i've never mentioned all of this to ANYONE. It helps a lot to know that i'm not alone and i can talk to people.

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entropie
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Posts: 1030
From: Aotearoa
Registered: Jun 2000

posted 07-06-2000 05:46 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for entropie     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Gosh, my heart goes out to all of you, I've been there, 4 times, and I know exactly how it feels to be placed in that sort of situation.

The first time was when I was 14.. and so very naive. I was in the middle of nowhere, after being invited to a "Christmas Party" by a guy who I had met only briefly back in my hometown. Within 2 hourse of getting there, they had me horribly drunk, stripped and held down on this greasy old mattress in a shed, taking turns. And when you are in the middle of nowhere, no one hears your screams. I got to leave the next morning and walked for about 4 hours until someone picked me up.

The second time was not long after. And a similar situation.. I'd been drinking (see a common theme?) and was dragged away by this guy into an empty room. I passed out, and he raped me there on the bed. Even when these people walked in, they didn't try to stop him. Just laughed and walked out. I don't remember much other than waking up on a bed in a strange house, covered in blood, crying and sore all over from him biting me.
In hurt inside..

The third was when I was 15, and hanging around late one night with some friends at a dairy.. this guy stopped his car and asked us if we smoked pot.. at the time I was so into it that I consented to get in the car while my friends waited for us to return from the dealers house.
We went to this house, and there was noone home, so he drove down onto the beach and locked the doors, held me down and forced me. I couldn't scream, and noone would have heard anyway.
He dropped me back at the dairy a few hours later, and my friends had gone. I never told them what had happened. He had said if I told anyone he'd find me. And kill me.

The fourth time was also when I was 15, and walking home from my b/f's house late one night. This drunk guy came up to me, and grabbed my arm, forcing me down this road, where he attempted to rape me. Luckily for me he was so drunk that he was easy to push off. I ran home, and slept. I wasn't the same after that, and my teacher picked up on it. So he convinced me to tell him.
Naturally he got the police involved, who searched for this guy, and then accused me of lying, and wasting police time. I really regret telling anyone.

It still hurts when I think about it. My current b/f knows, and he's sympathetic, but no man could ever know how it feels to be treated like that.
And they got away with it.

Sorry if this was long, I really needed to get that off my chest.

entropie

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Equinox
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Posts: 27
From: Connecticut, U.S.A
Registered: Jun 2000

posted 07-06-2000 09:49 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Equinox     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Here goes...

Between the ages of 6 and 8, my mother's best friend's son, who was 6 years older than me, used to touch and make me engage in oral sex with him. He was very mean, and I was so afraid him that even though he was another child, I could never stand up to him or tell on him.

When I was 10, there were these two 8th grade boys who used to get in my seat with me on the school bus on the way home, and put their fingers inside of me. I would sit near the front of the bus, hoping that the bus driver would protect me. But he was an older guy, and either never noticed what was going on or just never cared.

The one incident that hurts me the most happened when I was 13. I belonged to a teen organization at my church, and sometimes we would gather at the church and read scriptures from the Bible all night long, and sleep there. The girls would sleep on the balcony and the boys would sleep in the basement. One night, I awoke on the balcony to find the minister's son on top of me with his hands under my pajamas. When I started to protest, he picked me up and took me to another part of the church so that he could mess with me without me waking anybody else up for help. I was in church, for goodness sake.

The thing about all of this that makes me cry even to this day, is how I felt during every incident. I hated my offenders simply because they had power over me. It was my feelings of utter powerlessness that hurt me... not the physical act of what they did to me. I don't remember being in any "pain" or feeling "gross". I think that in some kind of sick and twisted way, I even sorta liked being touched like that. All that I kept thinking was "why didn't they just ask me first". And that thought made me feel so dirty, so disgusted, and so ashamed.


I have never admitted this aloud before.

Thank you for listening, Scarleteen.

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Smilegrl4343
Activist

Posts: 57
From: kansascity, Mo, Usa
Registered: Jun 2000

posted 07-07-2000 09:39 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Smilegrl4343     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I was sexually abused to, i was 4 years old and it ended when i was like 8 or 9, well this guy which was old enough to be my parents would sexually abuse me, i would have to stay the night at his house like every two weeks, and he would lick me down there( like being eaten out) and rub his dick up and down down there, not inside because i was too small, well it really hurt me!!! I hope i never have to go through that again!!! I told him to stop but he wouldn't!! Then he said to me that he was so sorry that he did that,but he couldn't remember really because he was drunk(when it happend). i hope i never go through a sexually abused thing again!! (big breath) That really helped me to get that out!! Alot of girls some guys have been abused and i didn't know how many so it really helps me!!

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mentalxashtray
Activist

Posts: 62
From: Here. I assume.. that you're there.
Registered: Jul 2000

posted 07-08-2000 03:49 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for mentalxashtray     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
i've been harassed twice. when i was in.. first grade, maybe, there were two brothers living a few houses down. one of them, who was younger, liked me. he was a lot bigger than me, too. i would hang out with him as a friend, and once i was laying on his bed (remember, we were just kids), he got on top opf me and kissed me, and unzipped my jeans and underwear. i jumped up and went and told my mom, but she didn't do anything. she acted like it was my fault. we moved a year or so later.

this passing school year, a group of nine girls (including myself) were all sexually harrassed by the same guy. i was only friends with one of the other girls. he'd look down our shirts and pants, slap our butts, and grab our breasts.

eventually, although embaressed(sp?), the others told school authorities. i didn't come forward because i was too afraid. i didn't want it to become a huge thing. however, around eight other girls reported it, they said they needed another witness.

i was too scared. someone leaked the information, and the dean of my grade would harass me constantly to tell him.

he gave up. no one around here gets i deal with most stuff by just being by myself. after all the evidence they had, however, they let him off, forcing one girl to say he just "brushed" against her. it disgusts me; i think she was blackmailed. hey, the dean has tried to blackmail our grade before.

the guy moved later in the year. no punishment.

i'm pretty comfortable around guys. most of my friends are guys. but now is one even taps me on the shoulder, i flinch, because i'm sensitive.

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Misty
Neophyte

Posts: 18
From: Michigan
Registered: Jul 2000

posted 07-19-2000 12:37 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Misty     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I was raped when I was 15 by two men I didnt know. I was out with some friends, and decided to walk them home since I wanted to make sure they got home safe (obviously I didnt care too much about myself) so I droped them off and they went into their house to see if their mother would give me a ride home, within 30 seconds of them leaving I was grabed and pulled into a car by the passanger, where I was gagged and blindfolded. after they drove around for what seemed like forever they pulled off the road and dragged me a long distance and then one of them raped me while the other one held me down, not knowing that they were armed with knives I tried to knock the guys off of me, which ended up with me getting stabbed four times, after the first one tired they traded places and went at it again, as to how long this cycle went on for I have no idea. I must have blacked out or lost consciness, because when I came to they were gone. To this day I still have reocurring nightmares of this night.

I have also been abused on many accounts (phyically, mentally, you name it I've probably been through it)

The most recent being three weeks ago where I was attacked by four boys, one of which had a knife and came from behind me and put the knife to my throat and demanded money, which I didnt have any on me at the time, so the boys decided to do just about everything possible to me besides rape. I also have reocurring nightmares with this as well, along with someother things that I think I might have pushed so far back into my mind that I have completly forgeten about them happening (not sure if that is really possible to block somethings out, and then question your nightmares?)

after being through everything in my life I turned to self injury (or self mutilation, or cutting, same thing different names) and still do it to this day, along with self injury I have also carved profaine words into both of my feet.


Well I think this is enough for now.

Misty

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