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Author Topic:   Abuse and Rape Survivors
QuietDarkDeep
Neophyte

Posts: 25
From: England
Registered: Sep 2003

posted 09-26-2003 03:56 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for QuietDarkDeep     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I have never been raped however I have had a bad sexual experiance that I still feel alot of shame and guilt about.
I think about it every day and I was wondering how other people who have had negative experiances of this kind are able to have healthy experiances with sex afterwards I find myself thinking about what happened if I get aroused also in the only other sexual relationship I have had I found it difficult not to think about what had happened.
I think this is probably because rightly or wrongly this was my first sexual experiance and therefore my association with feelings of this sort.
As much as I know logically there is no real blame in what happened in my past in my head I still have shamefull and confusing feelings about it.
Other people who have posted here have talked about having nightmares which are due to their experiances and I can really relate to that, I have often found it difficult to sleep in the dark and have even found myself being afraid of becoming scared if a nightmare did happen which made it difficult to sleep.
it sounds stupid I know to let your life be affected by a negative experiance and I am in awe of the people who have to deal with far worse things happening to them.

I would also like to say that this is the only place I have ever talked about this before and I really appreciate it.
Love to all
XX

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QuietDarkDeep
Neophyte

Posts: 25
From: England
Registered: Sep 2003

posted 09-26-2003 04:33 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for QuietDarkDeep     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I have never been raped however I have had a bad sexual experiance that I still feel alot of shame and guilt about.
I think about it every day and I was wondering how other people who have had negative experiances of this kind are able to have healthy experiances with sex afterwards I find myself thinking about what happened if I get aroused also in the only other sexual relationship I have had I found it difficult not to think about what had happened.
I think this is probably because rightly or wrongly this was my first sexual experiance and therefore my association with feelings of this sort.
As much as I know logically there is no real blame in what happened in my past in my head I still have shamefull and confusing feelings about it.
Other people who have posted here have talked about having nightmares which are due to their experiances and I can really relate to that, I have often found it difficult to sleep in the dark and have even found myself being afraid of becoming scared if a nightmare did happen which made it difficult to sleep.
it sounds stupid I know to let your life be affected by a negative experiance and I am in awe of the people who have to deal with far worse things happening to them.

I would also like to say that this is the only place I have ever talked about this before and I really appreciate it.
Love to all
X

IP: Logged

summergoddess
Activist

Posts: 268
From: Ontario, Canada
Registered: Jan 2003

posted 09-26-2003 07:20 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for summergoddess     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Sighs.. Scarleteen ate my post when i pressed enter!!! Okay.. *calms down* I will do my best to rewrite everything i said.

I am not a victim of rape but i have been through ORAL sex abuse and verbal abuse from my ex-boyfriend Tim at the age of 17. I'm now 20. I was strong enough to know that i deserved better so i broke up with him nearly 3 months into the relationship. I want to say that i did not deflower my virginity to Tim. I deflowered it about 5 months later to another ex, Mark. I was both physically and emotionally ready to have sex for the first time in my life. Mark and I broke up not long after but i do not have any regrets.
I'm now together with Isaiah (whom I had hooked up within 2 months after Mark). We waited three weeks into the relationship to have sex and I was his first. No regrets there either. Isaiah knew of my abusive past with being forced to give oral to Tim and being verbally abused by him. Isaiah is really patient and understanding to know that he doesn't want to do things I wasn't ready for. Which in the case, i never gave oral to Isaiah till 4 months into the relationship. He never asked. I just did it. I overcame my hurdle of oral sex phobia. From then i enjoyed doing that and Isaiah lets me do it when i want to with of course his consent. We also communicate during that and while we are engaging in intercourse. To date, we have been together for 2 years and 4 months I love him so much. Isaiah's been so amazing, he has never once cheated on me or anything of that sort. He wants to be with me, not anyone else His love is the best gift i could ever receive from him!!!

------------------
~Jules

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summergoddess
Activist

Posts: 268
From: Ontario, Canada
Registered: Jan 2003

posted 09-26-2003 07:21 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for summergoddess     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Sighs.. Scarleteen ate my post when i pressed enter!!! Okay.. *calms down* I will do my best to rewrite everything i said.

I am not a victim of rape but i have been through ORAL sex abuse and verbal abuse from my ex-boyfriend Tim at the age of 17. I'm now 20. I was strong enough to know that i deserved better so i broke up with him nearly 3 months into the relationship. I want to say that i did not deflower my virginity to Tim. I deflowered it about 5 months later to another ex, Mark. I was both physically and emotionally ready to have sex for the first time in my life. Mark and I broke up not long after but i do not have any regrets.
I'm now together with Isaiah (whom I had hooked up within 2 months after Mark). We waited three weeks into the relationship to have sex and I was his first. No regrets there either. Isaiah knew of my abusive past with being forced to give oral to Tim and being verbally abused by him. Isaiah is really patient and understanding to know that he doesn't want to do things I wasn't ready for. Which in the case, i never gave oral to Isaiah till 4 months into the relationship. He never asked. I just did it. I overcame my hurdle of oral sex phobia. From then i enjoyed doing that and Isaiah lets me do it when i want to with of course his consent. We also communicate during that and while we are engaging in intercourse. To date, we have been together for 2 years and 4 months I love him so much. Isaiah's been so amazing, he has never once cheated on me or anything of that sort. He wants to be with me, not anyone else His love is the best gift i could ever receive from him!!!

------------------
~Jules

IP: Logged

KittenGoddess
Sexpert

Posts: 4399
From: USA
Registered: Oct 2000

posted 09-26-2003 09:23 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for KittenGoddess     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Let's continue this discussion in the new thread created right here: http://www.scarleteen.com/forum/Forum9/HTML/000644.html

------------------
Sarah Liz
Scarleteen Sexpert (and Labia Lady)

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