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Author Topic:   Abuse and Rape Survivors
Anna
Neophyte

Posts: 5
From: Dallas,TX, USA
Registered: May 2001

posted 06-05-2001 12:33 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Anna     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
((Lostcat))
Thank you I told some one and now things are starting to get better I don't feel so lost any more.

So thanks again*You really helped

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Anna!

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MsShelley
Neophyte

Posts: 8
From: Morehead, Ky, USA
Registered: Jun 2001

posted 06-23-2001 01:29 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for MsShelley     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I am a rape survivor! I was raped roughly 200 times between the ages of 10 and 13 yrs old. I am now 22 yrs old and living day by day as a rape survivor. Granted, it is not easy, but for me, it's managable. A rape survivor/victim may never forget or remember what has happened to him/her. Every relationship that I have, is effected by my past trauma. Counseling has done a wonderful thing for me. I do not go to a counselor to tell me what to feel about all of it, but to help me sort out those feelings and deal with them, instead of running/hiding from them. If anyone needs a friend, don't hesitate to email me. God bless all of you.

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God is my strength, with Him, i will not fail!

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cupcake
Activist

Posts: 433
From: Canada
Registered: Jun 2001

posted 07-02-2001 06:33 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for cupcake     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
well i'm a rape survivor and an abuse survivor, and a cutter too.

When I was little, my brother, who is 10 years older than me, was always getting beaten up and stuff by my dad, who used ot hit us all, and once, on vacation, he shoved my mom through a glass door,and it all went everywhere.
Then when i was 5 or 6, my brother would always babysit me. He started with touching me, and then he full out raped me 3 or 4 times. My most vivid memory is of me, curled up in the corner, with nothing to keep me warm, shivering, crying, with blood and cum all over my legs, while m brother slept on the bed.
I told my mom, after i saw one of those videos in kindergarten class, the ones about your private spaces. She didn't believe me.
It happened again when I was 12, he moved in with us again, and he kept trying to show me my so called "happy button". I asked my mom after that why she didn't believe me the first time, and she said that she did, she just couldn't let anyone know that she did because it would hurt my brother's self esteem.
I thought I was foing okay after that until just the last year. We were away at a camp, and my boyfriend was raped by my best guy friend. He chose to take it to trial, and i was called to testify. Eventually my best guy friend chose to plead guilty, but I was a basket case.
My boyfriend and I broke up, we were both too messed upt o keep going. And I started going out witha new guy.
Things were going really really well until one night.
My brother came over to fix our computer, and my mom was outside in teh garden. He grabbed me, and held me down, and tried to force me to have sex with him. When I wouldn't he took something out of his pocket, and I felt a burning. He took a knife and sliced open my left breast. I have a big scar tehre now.
He kept telling me, I'm going to rape you again and again, and then I'm going to send your dirty body to your so-called boyfriend so he can do it too, cause you know he wants to.
It hurts so much t think about it, and now I have this reminder of it sitting right tehre on my chest, all red and gross, and I have big slashes right across my wrists, which were my own fault.
My bf keeps trying to tell me that it wasn't my fault, but i'm not sure I believe him. So much of what my brother did can be justified.

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Bobolink
Advocate

Posts: 3257
From: Stirling, Ontario, Canada
Registered: Sep 2000

posted 07-02-2001 07:35 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Bobolink     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I beg your pardon? Assault with a weapon and attempted rape is justified? Those are both criminal offences. Please reconsider and talk to the police. Your assailant is a clear and present danger to yourself and others.

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We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.

- Albert Einstein

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cupcake
Activist

Posts: 433
From: Canada
Registered: Jun 2001

posted 07-02-2001 10:15 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for cupcake     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
yes, it can be justified. about a hundred times over.
i don't want him to hurt other people, but i am not going to go to teh police. that's not an option.

but tehre's nothing that evr gets rid of that dirty feeling. except pain. and i've tried everything. i just keep cutting now, because every drop of blood i lose is less of him inside me.
but i am so torn because my bf gets upset when he sees the bandages, and the scars.
I never want to let anybody see the scar on my chest. It's not entirely healed yet, it still bleeds and pusses in places. but you can see the scar running all teh way down.

But i don't want ot let my bf close to me, especailly afetr what he said. I ean maybe he's right, maybe I am dirty, maybe I am worthless. maybe that's the only reasn my bf is around, like my bro said.
so that he can rape me later on.

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Miz Scarlet
Sexpert

Posts: 19846
From: Minneapolis
Registered: May 2000

posted 07-02-2001 10:26 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Miz Scarlet     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
You know, sweets, there are things that can help with those feelings. Really, there are.

Rape support counseling is a BIG one, and in your case, finding some support that also addressed the special circumstance of incest would be very important.

Too, doing something so you know that your borther gets the help he CLEARLY needs, and you are protected from him in your houusehold is another one. I would sugggest talking to a counselor at school to initiate that.

And those are the two best places to start:: with addressing your own needs and making youself safe. Now, if you don't want to do either of those things, you are limiting your own options, because they ARE viable options. But it is up to you. However, if you choose not to do those things, the help or support anyone else can give you, and how much you can move on, is very limited.

Choice is yours, honey. And I know it's all hard, I've been there. But sometimes the hard stuff that is on the path to making everything better is a lot easier than the easy stuff that just makes you feel worse. And with sexual abuse or assualt, my experience has been that you're going to have to deal with it directly eventually if you want to move on and have a life, so you can do that now, or languish in the meantime until you do it later. Personally, I'm a big supporter of taking care of it and working to make things bgetter NOW, especially if you're endangering yourself, which it sounds like you are.

------------------
Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

My epitaph should read: "She worked herself into this ground."
-- Kay Bailey Hutchinson

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starrykiss
Neophyte

Posts: 14
From:
Registered: Jun 2001

posted 07-04-2001 07:21 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for starrykiss     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Cup cake you need to take this to the police then if you do then maybe you might not be so scared because he would be able to hurt you any more at least not physcilly.
Please do this for all of us.

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Rio
Activist

Posts: 60
From: near Indianapolis
Registered: Dec 2000

posted 07-06-2001 07:14 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Rio     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Sometimes I start feeling alot better and then I start feeling bad about the "whole thing" again. I hope that made sense. Does anyone here ever feel like that?

Thanks,
Rio

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"There are a lot of hidden nerds. I'm aware of the exciting man in Trent The Nine Inch, but I can see the nerd in him, too. People who become the front runners often used to be outcasts or loners." - Tori Amos

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cupcake
Activist

Posts: 433
From: Canada
Registered: Jun 2001

posted 07-06-2001 09:14 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for cupcake     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
*raises hand*
yes, that would be me

would you liek to join my club?

sorry, I'm in one of those happy crazy type moods right now.

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bad_kitty3
Neophyte

Posts: 7
From: New Zealand
Registered: Jul 2001

posted 07-09-2001 02:32 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for bad_kitty3     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I have never been raped, but I would just like to say I think you are all really brave, courageous people, and I read your stories and you are all such amazing people, and I wish there was something I could do to take away the bad memories and make you feel better. I have a lot of respect for you guys, and you should feel really proud of yourselves, because you've made a big step being able to talk about it. You are all such special people, and I would hate to think that you would have these memories festering in your mind. Please tell someone, or anyone who reads this - counsellors can really help, and I want you to feel better, because you don't deserve to have this playing with your emotions and your mind. If any of you want to talk anytime, feel free to contact me I would love to hear from you, and I can offer my best support and advice.
Take care
*hugs*
lotsaluv
xx

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Loneliestnumber
Activist

Posts: 38
From: Somerset, KY, USA
Registered: Jul 2001

posted 07-10-2001 10:41 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Loneliestnumber     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
It took me almost 2 hours to read through all the posts on this thread and the only thing I can say is, as has been echoed many times by numerous people, how in awe I am of some of you who have shown the strength and courage to come forth. In such situations, I'm not sure if I could do the same.
I've never been the victim of abuse, sexually, physically or emotionally, for which I am extremely grateful.
My current BF, however, is a victim of sexual abuse. The details are sketchy still, I don't press him to tell me what he doesn't feel comfortable with.
Reading through all of these tales and the responses reminds me, more than ever, why I want to go into Psychology. In some small way, if I can help another person as much as you all have helped each other heal through this thread then I will be happy. Afterall, I've always said my biggest fear in life was dying without making a difference.

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"Never knock on Death's door. Ring the doorbell and run!"

C'mon, visit my website. You know you want to.
~Revelations.In.Black~

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cupcake
Activist

Posts: 433
From: Canada
Registered: Jun 2001

posted 01-13-2002 08:29 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for cupcake     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
oh boy i am very wierded out.
i went out with this guy tonight.
he didn't ask me to give him manual sex and oral sex, he TOLD me to.
And i never really said no. I hesitated, and he kept pushing my head down.
I relaize now i should have flat out said no and everything, so it's my own fault, but now i feel all icky and dirty and i want to cry.
how do i make thsi feeling go away?

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Munchy
Activist

Posts: 64
From: Austin, TX
Registered: Jan 2002

posted 01-14-2002 01:37 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Munchy     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
The only advise I can give you is just to realize that the next time something like that happens, you CAN say no. Even if it's with the same guy. It took me a long time to realize I had the right to say no to guys, including a guy I had said yes to before (the fact that I had a new boyfriend that I didn't want to cheat on helped with that, though). Remember that whatever happened to you in the past didn't take away your rights to your own body, or give those rights to every man that wants them. Good luck to you. Have courage.

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Munchy, the Munchkin, the Monchichi

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LilBlueSmurf
Sexpert

Posts: 5209
From: Belleville, Ontario, Canada
Registered: Sep 2000

posted 01-14-2002 02:15 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for LilBlueSmurf     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Ya know guys ... It's not really about saying no. It's about not saying yes. You didn't say you wanted to have sex of any kind, and yet you were forced into it. That's not right.

Partners should be going into a sexual experience knowing the other partner is willing ... and that means both partners saying "yes, i want to do this". If that doesn't happen, the sex shouldn't be happening.

But maybe taht's just the way i see it ... ?

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*~*Smurfie*~*
Scarleteen Advocate

"When I am alone I am not aware of my race or my sex, both in need of social context for definition."
~ Maxine Hong Kingston

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cupcake
Activist

Posts: 433
From: Canada
Registered: Jun 2001

posted 01-14-2002 03:01 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for cupcake     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
well i defintely didn't say yes.
I was mostly just too astounded to say no, i was compeltely caught off guard, and now i just feel like puking and scrubbing myself.

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Munchy
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Posts: 64
From: Austin, TX
Registered: Jan 2002

posted 01-14-2002 04:52 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Munchy     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Smurf's right. That's the way it "should" be. But when you're the survivor of rape or sexual abuse, your personal boundary is often taken away. You don't feel you have the right to say no to someone, and they will often take silence for "yes." That's not the way it "should" be, but that's the way it often is. That's the way it was in my life until I realized that I DO have the right, the choice, and the responsibility to say no whenever I feel like it. Cupcake, you've got a long road ahead of you, but you can make it through. Really, you can! You can't listen to or believe anything your brother tells you, especially about yourself and how men see you. He's only telling you these things to keep you scared of him. He probably thinks all guys are as sick as he is and clearly can't see what a wonderful person you are and what a wonderful life you can have when you make it through this. Don't prove him right. Don't let him run your life!! Don't pick up where he left off and keep beating yourself up. Don't do that for HIM!! And don't let him do it to you anymore! I hope you're getting help for yourself so that you can see what I'm saying is true. Good luck.

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Munchy, the Munchkin, the Monchichi

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glitter695
Activist

Posts: 1976
From: NY:)
Registered: Oct 2000

posted 01-14-2002 07:41 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for glitter695     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Cupcake, thats exactly what happend to me when I was a freshman in high school (now I am a senior) I went to one of my ex boyfriends friends house, and he started to get all funny on me, and he put his hands down my pants and just started touching me. Then he took out his penis, and told me to *sux it* I was like I dont want to, Im scared. He was like just do it NOW, so he took my head and kept shoving his penis in my face. I was scared and I didnt know what to do. I kept saying "NO STOP" but he didnt listen. After he was done coming all over the place he was like dont mention this to anyone because it will ruin his rep.

So of course I never did tell anyone. When I got a new boyfriend I didnt tell him. I wouldnt even french kiss my boyfriend. So of course he dumped me, but we remained good friends. This year was the first year I told him what happend. He was shocked, and he wasnt suprized about the guy who did it.

My boyfriend now, (of 2 years) most of you know my love Bob. He was different, he took it to my level. I still was scared to kiss he waited, when I was scared for manuel sex, he waited, when I was scared for oral sex, he waited, and yes he waited for me for sexual intercourse also. He waited until I was comfertable with myself and my body. The first time I told my boyfriend about what happend was when he were discussing oral sex. It was very hard for me to get it out, since he was the first person I really ever told. I was scared that he might think of me as a slut or something else. But he didnt, he understood. Thats what so wonderful about my love.

This is the first time I am telling it to thousands of people. It tough but I know that I am not alone when I say it. I think it made me stronger.

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*~*~12/3/99*~*
Bobaroony & Erica Bearica
<3 love forever!

*~*Scarleteen Advocate*~*

[This message has been edited by glitter695 (edited 01-14-2002).]

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cupcake
Activist

Posts: 433
From: Canada
Registered: Jun 2001

posted 01-14-2002 09:06 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for cupcake     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
see this isn't my bro. THAT is a whole other realm that i moved past a little while ago.

this is something entirely new. and it sounds almost EXACTLY glitter's experience.

quite honestly, i feel like crap right now. i just want to puke, and i just feel all gross.

i'm also kinda involved with this other guy, who's been my close friend for a few years now. i told him today. didn't go over very well. he wasn't mad at me, not at all, i think he was more mad at himself that he wasn't there to stop it.

It's not really that it's ruining my life or anything. It's just this really really ickky memory and this urge to puke whenever i think about it.

To make things worse, he honestly doesn't think he's done anythign wrong. And quite frankly, I'm not really up for talking at this point.

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Miz Scarlet
Sexpert

Posts: 19846
From: Minneapolis
Registered: May 2000

posted 01-14-2002 10:42 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Miz Scarlet     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Cupcake, let's see if I can be of any help.

I think the first thing to recognize is that in cases of serious abuse of any sort, unless you're talking decades ago, the effects of these things tend to linger with us a lot, even when we don't see them.

For instance, it's likely you feel the way you do now not just because of this most recent experience, but because of what it brings back from your other experiences. All that gets compounded, and it can become really overwhelming.

So, first things first: based on what you described, you were sexually assaulted by this peron. In all honesty, if he refuses to discuss it, I personally would stop trying to discuss it with him, and I would also give serious throught to filing charges against him for sexual assault, because that is what it was. Not only for your own well-being and protection, but to protect others from this happening to them. Just give it some thought.

The next thing I'd do is maybe write out a list of what you can do to give yourself some safety in the next few years so that this sort of thing does not keep happening. That doesn't mean this is your fault, because it isn't. But what I do mean is that when you already have survived sexual trauma, it's pretty important to keep yourself from more of it while you really process it all, and I'll tell you, I was assaulted mmore than half my lifetime ago, and while I think I've got it pretty darn together, I'm also not kidding myself in thinking I have no residual baggage from it, because we all do.

So, things like: going on group dates, not going to parties alone, maybe even taking some time without any partners or dattes. Basically, giving yourself space to process first before you load more on top of it, because it doesn't sound to me like you really DO know none of this was your fault. Which it wasn't. Lemme be plain: someone who is going to forcibly ppush your head to their genitals WITHOUT your consent is also unlikely to even listen were you to have said no.

Are you in any sort of counseling or group therapy right now, honey? If not, I think it'd be a really good idea.

------------------
Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

My epitaph should read: "She worked herself into this ground."
-- Kay Bailey Hutchinson

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cupcake
Activist

Posts: 433
From: Canada
Registered: Jun 2001

posted 01-15-2002 03:09 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for cupcake     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Yeah, you always tend to be good help, Miz Scarlet!

Today, at least, I'm a lot calmer, and starting to see things a lot more rationally. <phew>

I'm very sure I just got very very scared because of everything that has happened before.

It's not taht he doesn't want to discuss, I don't, it's not exactly happy conversation, he just claims to not remember it.

Court really isn't an option. 2 of my friends went last year, for a sexual assault case against another friend of mine, and it did nobody any good, it just made everybody involved more upset.

And I've never really seen the appeal of talking to someone. Tried the psychologist thing, that really didn't jive, and dthe psychiatrist managed to make stuff worse by trying some new technique.

I'm reluctant to believe that this was done out of malicious intenet at all, more some really really bad judgement on both our parts.

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LilBlueSmurf
Sexpert

Posts: 5209
From: Belleville, Ontario, Canada
Registered: Sep 2000

posted 01-15-2002 07:19 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for LilBlueSmurf     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Just because you've seen one psychiatrist doesn't mean you've seen them all ... or that they all practice the same. Doctors have personalities too, and sometimes it really matters when you're talking about personal stuff like that.

I see a psychiatrist ever 6 months and a social worker every two weeks. I defineatly prefer talking to the social worker ... I tend to have a thing against doctors. Have you tried that? It may help. My social worker seems to be the 'liason' b/w me and the psychiatrist. I feel more comfortable talking to her than i do to him, so i only go to him for medication.

Do you feel better thinking it wasn't 'malicious intentions'? Everyone makes bad choices/judgements in their lives, and you just have to learn from them and move on. I can clearly see his bad judgement here, but what was yours?

I really do agree w/ Miz S's suggestion about group therapy. That way it's not just you one and one w/ a doctor/counselor and if you're not ready to talk, you can just sit and listen to other people's stories ... At least that way you won't feel so alone w/ it all ... And you may even find someone that you *are* comfortable talking to.

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*~*Smurfie*~*
Scarleteen Advocate

"When I am alone I am not aware of my race or my sex, both in need of social context for definition."
~ Maxine Hong Kingston

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cupcake
Activist

Posts: 433
From: Canada
Registered: Jun 2001

posted 01-15-2002 07:51 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for cupcake     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I just want everything to go back to normal, that's all.

my bad judgement? putting myself in a postion of risk, i guess. and thiking that no wrong could come of it.

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glitter695
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Posts: 1976
From: NY:)
Registered: Oct 2000

posted 01-15-2002 09:10 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for glitter695     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
You know believe it or not talking to someone is a big help, and it doesnt even have to be a doctor. Look you are talking about it right now, and I hope by getting some of those feelings out it is making you feel a little better about the situation.

Of course it is hard to talk about. I never mentioned what happend to me until about a year and a half later, and that was to my current boyfriend. I was so ashamed, and I didnt want anyone to know what had happend. I didnt want anyone to think anything bad of me. Then I finally felt comfertable with talking to my boyfriend, and it felt so good to get my feelings out, and you know what, he didnt think anything of me. I wish I has talked to someone a little early then I did, but I didnt.

Maybe even writing what you feel on paper. Thats always a big help also. But you cant just keep ingnoring what happend, or its going to haunt you even more. Talk to you friend, it seems that he wants to help. Maybe talking to him will make you feel more comfertable seeing a doctor. Doctors are there to help you, not hurt you.

For now, as I said just try writing and talking to someone that is close to you and doesnt mind lending a ear. That has always helped me.

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*~*~12/3/99*~*
Bobaroony & Erica Bearica
<3 love forever!

*~*Scarleteen Advocate*~*

[This message has been edited by glitter695 (edited 01-15-2002).]

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LilBlueSmurf
Sexpert

Posts: 5209
From: Belleville, Ontario, Canada
Registered: Sep 2000

posted 01-15-2002 10:15 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for LilBlueSmurf     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I would like to think that a couple should be able to go on a date alone together w/o one of them being sexually assaulted. Unfortuneatly, that isn't always the case. I wouldn't say it was really bad judgement tho ... It's just a lesson that had to be learned. A really really hard one.

As glitter said, writing stuff down helps as well. I have a diary that i keep all my thoughts in ... I also wrote a little article (which can be found here if you're interested and haven't read it yet) that helped sort out my feelings as well. In writing everything down, you're forced to deal w/ it so you don't keep it all bottled up inside.

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*~*Smurfie*~*
Scarleteen Advocate

"When I am alone I am not aware of my race or my sex, both in need of social context for definition."
~ Maxine Hong Kingston

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cupcake
Activist

Posts: 433
From: Canada
Registered: Jun 2001

posted 01-16-2002 02:36 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for cupcake     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Yeah, I read it. It's really good.
I actually think it was one of the first articles I read.

I like to agree with the part about the date though...

Maybe I'm wierd and all, but right now it's kinda shut out of my mind, I'm dismissing it as not that huge of a deal, etc. I'm sure it'll be a big deal at some point, but I think my brain has put it away for a little while til it's ready to deal with it.

I know that sounds odd, like I'm removing responsibilty from myself or something, but it's not like that at all. I just hapen to trust my brain

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LilBlueSmurf
Sexpert

Posts: 5209
From: Belleville, Ontario, Canada
Registered: Sep 2000

posted 01-16-2002 02:44 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for LilBlueSmurf     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Nothing is forcing you to deal w/ it right away. You just have to know that it will probably come up in the future. And even when you think you've dealt w/ all of it, there may just be one little bit that was hiding and it comes out when you least expect it.

It's really not weird at all. It's taken me almost three years now to be able to tell people close to me exactly what happened ... and it's still hard to talk about sometimes. Just deal w/ it when you're ready.

------------------
*~*Smurfie*~*
Scarleteen Advocate

"When I am alone I am not aware of my race or my sex, both in need of social context for definition."
~ Maxine Hong Kingston

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Mihaela
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Posts: 3
From: England
Registered: Jan 2002

posted 01-31-2002 01:50 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Mihaela     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
This is the first time I have ever looked here or posted anything, I was severely sexually abused and then raped by an ex boyfriend about 9 months ago. I dont know how this posting works, but I will try to explain what happened briefly. I dont know if anyone else has any advice, I have been suffering pretty much in silence apart from my medical care, and only just managed to confide in a few friends and discuss what happened.

It will take a long time to explain exactly what happened and I find it very hard but I hope you can understand a little of what I experienced.

I had my ex boyfriend over to visit me in order to accompany me somewhere, he ended up seriously sexually abusing me and then raping me. I had severe internal damage requiring a number of operations, I have just undergone hopefully the final one to repair damaged pelvic bone structure.

I lost the baby after 5 months and have tried to deal with this whole situation without talking to people about the events of this. I found the confidence to explain to my specialist at the hospital what happened and he has forced me to tell a counsellor. This was hard but forcing me to speak to one was the only way I would do it I was too scared to do it alone. I had the first meeting today, after being in hospital for over a week flat out on my back. I saw this support group and was interested in finding support from others. I look back and wish I had stopped him, I have blamed myself for the past 9 months, I know I couldnt stop him when I completely froze, but it doesnt stop me wishing.

I felt dirty and had the most awful sickening feeling deep inside me, I have a problem now being near other men apart from my family members, unfortunatly I feel unable to tell them and I live away from home at university.I feel bad from hiding it from them, I felt no other way this man is not in England anymore, I didnt press charges for fear of being in court and reliving the experience. Forgiving this man is not easy, I have nightmares about him and what he did, these will pass in time, and with support from a counsellor now I hope I will be able to put some of this behind me.

Thank you for listening and I hope there is some support out there. My heart goes out to any other sufferers and I hope we can all provide support for others.

Jen

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cutelachick69_04
Neophyte

Posts: 15
From: D-town, Louisiana
Registered: Feb 2002

posted 02-02-2002 02:11 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for cutelachick69_04     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Bittersweet:
I know how you feel gurl. Ive been in the same situation as you. I was molested when i was 7 by one of my family members. There was no oral sex involved. My family member only "fingered me" and penetrated me w/ his penis. So ive been there done that gotton the hat as they say. I think that you should at least tell your mother or other family member or a school counceler about what happened. I told my best friend about what happened and she sat down and talked to me about it and convinced me to tell my mom. I was really scared to tell my mom or anyone else b/c i felt it was my fault. So I called my mom at work one day and told her and my "aunt" (my moms best friend) about it and we all 3 sat down and had a long talk about what had happened. It was very difficult remember i was only 7! My mom then called the police and reported it. I was questioned by the police and later social services. I was also examined by a female doctor. We then brought my family member to court and he was put away for many years. he later died from cancer. It was a long process emotionaly and physically. But after thearpy and emotional support from family and friends ive gotton throught this. I had court ordered theaphy i guess b/c i was so young. After you tell someone about what happened like your mom or friend you can be more open about what happened. After it happened to me i felt as if it was my fault or i did something to cause what happened. I went to thearpy for i guess it was 2 years. Im a lot better now and around the age of 13 i was finally able to start trusting guys again. Im 16 now and what happened is not totaly forgotton i dont think that it ever will but it has gotton alot easier to talk about and deal with. Also is the person that did this to you still a teacher? I hope that i may have helped you in some way.
I hope that everything will get better. If you have any questions or just want to talk to someone about what happened or need some support you can feel free to email me i will respond. my email address is: EDITED*

Please do not include your e-mail addresses in posts. It's against our guidelines and it's imposed for your own safety. Thank you.

[This message has been edited by Dude_who_writes (edited 02-02-2002).]

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Dude_who_writes
Advocate

Posts: 673
From: Michigan, US
Registered: Oct 2001

posted 02-02-2002 10:03 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Dude_who_writes     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Lately, I have noticed that quite a few users are choosing to post their e-mail addresses in posts. However, it's against Scarleteen's guidelines and it's for your personal safety. I understand that in a forum like Support Groups, several users feel that it's bennifical to communicate with people who share their own difficulites privately. But, let's remember that it's beniffical for a great many people when you choose to carry your conversations on here at the boards, as many will be able to read it.

Let's just try and remember that sharing your e-mail addresses is against the guidelines. It's also time-consuming for the moderators to go through and edit out e-mail addresses in posts.

Thanks.

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Tim

"Read the Bible again sometime. Women are painted as bigger antagonists than the Egyptians and Romans combined. It stinks." --"Serendipity," Dogma

Jane knows Connie; she doesn't care to know Dick.

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LilBlueSmurf
Sexpert

Posts: 5209
From: Belleville, Ontario, Canada
Registered: Sep 2000

posted 02-02-2002 10:39 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for LilBlueSmurf     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
To go along w/ what Dude said ... There are other ways of contacting each other. Such as ICQ. I've noticed that a few people here also have their icq numbers available. Why not do it that way?

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cutelachick69_04
Neophyte

Posts: 15
From: D-town, Louisiana
Registered: Feb 2002

posted 02-02-2002 11:54 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for cutelachick69_04     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
This sucks man. Well "dude" never said anything about putting my aim/aol screen name on here. so if anyone wants to talk or needs support you can IM me my screen name is dragonchick171. Thanks. i guess that will get edited too! lol

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glitter695
Activist

Posts: 1976
From: NY:)
Registered: Oct 2000

posted 02-03-2002 12:57 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for glitter695     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Cute~ Please dont get snippy. There are rules and guidelines for a reason: YOUR SAFETY Its not to be rude or anything, its to protect you from rude people on the internet.

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*~*~12/3/99*~*
Bobaroony & Erica Bearica
<3 love forever!

Monk N Bear~ Best Friends Forever! ~Luv ya babe!

*~*Scarleteen Advocate*~*

One ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. Heather Corinna

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Just.Lil.Ole.Me
Activist

Posts: 54
From: Tampa
Registered: Jan 2002

posted 02-22-2002 08:59 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Just.Lil.Ole.Me     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
7 pages later, I come in... I just want to let you all know that I'm sorry for what some of you have gone through in life. Whether it be rape, abuse, molestation or harrassment, we should not have to take that treatment from anyone and it disgusts me to see and hear what some people are put through. My heart goes out to all of you.

Now for my story.

As odd as this may seem, I was sexually assaulted by my young GIRL friends when I was little. I was about 8 and my friend asked if I wanted to take a shower. At 8 showers with friends seems like not a big deal. And my mom was OK with it bc she never thought anything would come out of it. My GIRL friend has touched me. It made me uncomfortable and I didn't think much of it. But, while she was sleeping over that night and I was asleep, I felt something warm and wet between my legs. I woke up to her tongue between my legs. It frightened me. After that night I never spent any time with her again.

This also happened with another girl friend of mine a few years down the road who grabbed my 10 year old breast and asked me if she could kiss it AND with a step cousin of mine.

As I think back to these occasions, I feel really disgusted about the way they treated me. I feel really taken advantage of at a time of ignorance. And in a way I look at that as a definite form of assault. This may be the reason I dont get along with females very much. I really dont know.. But I do feel violated and its something I wont forget.

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Lilfran14
Activist

Posts: 183
From: Buffalo, NY :)
Registered: Feb 2002

posted 02-24-2002 06:59 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lilfran14     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Well im 16 and ive acually been sexually abused once and i dont know if its considered rape or not but i think i have been raped which was recently. i went to a party and i got really drunk and high, so i passed out and i woke up to this kid having sex with me, now as soon as i woke up im like omg and i left, but i didnt leave the house cuz i had no were else to go, but he never bothered me the rest of the night so i wonder if he knew what he was doing or not, and when i was sexually abused it was by my brothers friends, whe ni was young they use to hold me down and dare to me do this or that and if i didnt they would hold me down and feel me up and finger me and st uff, but i eventually grew up, got stronger, and knew what they were doing was wrong, so they stopped, but i know i should have told someone but i never did, my advice would be to tell someone because ur going to be scarred for life if u dont, cuz i s till get nervous around certain guys now, which stinks alot, cuz i want to be able to fall in love and stuff like that! but eventually itll pass i hope!!1

~Katie Frances~

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cutelachick69_04
Neophyte

Posts: 15
From: D-town, Louisiana
Registered: Feb 2002

posted 04-06-2002 10:26 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for cutelachick69_04     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I just wanted to let everyone know on here that when a guy or girl does anything to you that you dont want to do sexually (having intercourse,oral,anal sex..etc.) or forces you to do something that you dont want to do that is classified as rape. No matter how young you are there is something that you CAN do. My advice for everyone is if someone does something to you that you are not ready or willing to do..please tell someone be it family, friends, police, school officials etc. They can/will be alot of help. Please dont let things like this go un known no matter how scared or frightened or ashamed you might be of it b/c of what happened.

[This message has been edited by cutelachick69_04 (edited 04-06-2002).]

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DramaChick
Neophyte

Posts: 19
From: Houston, Texas, United States
Registered: Mar 2002

posted 04-07-2002 03:07 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for DramaChick     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
i've been apprehensive to get my story down in writing. but i have a feeling that it would help if i talked about it to someone. I have been in several abusive relationships where i have been raped on numerous occasions by the guys that i was dating. remembering these events hurts me, but everything feeds back to when i was first raped when i was 14.

My brother is 5 years older than me, and one day i was hanging out with my best friend whose older brother is friends with mine. my best friend and i were just hanging out and watching a movie when my best friends brother and 3 of his friends walked in the room. i have grown up knowing these guys so i wasn't uncomfortable around them at all. before i knew it 2 of the guys grabbed me,and threw me onto the bed, and the other 2 grabbed my best friend. they handcuffed my best friend to the doorknob and told him to enjoy the show...then they all got out their knives and cut off my clothes. they would take turns...two of them would hold me down, and the other two would rape me...then they would switch. at the time i was a virgin, so i was compelled to scream from the pain, and every time i did they would cut me. the entire assault lasted about 7 hours, but i passed out after 5. the last thing i remember is looking at my best friend who by this point was screaming and telling them to stop before they kill me. when i woke up my friend was still cuffed to the door and the guys were gone. none of my wounds were very deep, so i managed, after about a half hour, to get myself up and free my friend, he helped me bandage my wounds as best as possible, and we talked about what we should do. we never told anyone, because it was his older brother and my brothers friends, and we were sure that this would ruin their lives if anyone found out. my friend moved away about 3 months later and the two of us have trouble talking to eachother normally, things are to aquard.

i try not to think or talk about this event very often...but it always pops into my head. i flinch when i'm out on dates and guys touch me, and everytime my boyfriend rapes me it reminds me of when i was 14. this happened almost 2 years ago, but it still feels like it happened yesterday. I guess that was all i really wanted to get out. i really appreciate everyone having the guts to tell their stories, without you i wouldn't have been able to do this. thanks for listening
~dramachick~

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HereToHelp
Neophyte

Posts: 8
From: US
Registered: Apr 2002

posted 05-04-2002 09:32 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for HereToHelp     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I know that it has been a really long time since you put your story down in writing, and i wanted to thank you for doing so...my girlfriend has had some sexual trauma and stories like yours are helping me help her. I had a question about something that you said...you said, "and everytime my boyfriend rapes me it reminds me of when i was 14." Is this a common thing...your boyfriend raping you? or were you refering to your ex-boyfriends? I hope that you were because there is no reason for you to be in a relationship that forces sex upon you, no girl should have to do that...there are tons of guys out there at this moment thinking about you and you don't even know it...you have had a rough time, and i think that you should leave that jerk. you don't need him. I can't picture myself laying a finger on my girlfriend if she didn't want it there...expecially after everything that she has been through. I think that you should also know that it is ok for you to be scared...I know that it is tough to deal with, but don't let anyone tell you that shouldn't be feeling the way that you are, you have the right as a human being to react to situations, and if a situation scares you or makes you uncomfortable, it's ok to be afraid and cry, or flinch, or talk about it. allowing yourself to react to what you are feeling will probably make your fear and anxiety easier to deal with. DramaChick It seems like life might be really hard right now for you, and i just wanted to let you know that you are in my prayers, and that i hope everything works out.

[This message has been edited by HereToHelp (edited 05-04-2002).]

[This message has been edited by HereToHelp (edited 05-04-2002).]

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DramaChick
Neophyte

Posts: 19
From: Houston, Texas, United States
Registered: Mar 2002

posted 05-05-2002 09:04 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for DramaChick     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
thanks for responding HereToHelp...it meant a lot to know that someone out there cares. about your question...the answer's yea...my boyfriend rapes me, but i am getting a lot better at dealing with it so things are going really well. i know that he loves me and i don't want to leave him. ok, sometimes i have bruises or i have to go to the hospital or the rape was kinda harsh and i'm sore for a day or so, but at least i have someone that cares about me. right? i think that this is what i have needed for a while...my boyfriend helped me realize how much i really need him and how sad my life would be without him...thanks for the prayers and maybe i'll hear from you again
-DramaChick

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kythryne
Advocate

Posts: 1685
From: New York City
Registered: Oct 2001

posted 05-05-2002 09:40 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for kythryne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Dramachick, this may sound harsh, but it's important. I hope you'll give some thought to what I'm going to say.

RAPE IS NEVER OKAY. NEVER. ABSOLUTELY NEVER.

Rape is illegal. It's never justified. And it is most decidedly NOT PART OF A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP. If your boyfriend truly cared about you, he would not be raping you. Raping you so violently that you end up in the hospital is just not acceptable.

Please, please, please, hon, tell someone about this. Get some help. You do not have to tolerate abuse of that nature. Staying with an abusive partner -- particularly one who rapes you on a regular basis -- is not good.

Please. Tell someone that your boyfriend rapes you. Tell a teacher, a councilor, a priest, a doctor, the police, your parents, anyone. Call a rape hotline. But please, please, please, don't think you have to stay in this situation. Leaving may be hard, but take it from someone who left an abusive partner -- the sooner you do it, the sooner you can start healing.

Please, hon. Take care of yourself. Don't put up with rape.

------------------
Kythryne Aisling
Scarleteen Sexpert

"The only unnatural sexual act is that which you cannot perform."
-- Alfred Kinsey

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HereToHelp
Neophyte

Posts: 8
From: US
Registered: Apr 2002

posted 05-07-2002 04:07 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for HereToHelp     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
DramaChick...your boyfriend NEEDS to understand that you aren't ready for sex. I'm sorry, but saying that he loves you and cares about you is crap. you said, "my boyfriend helped me realize how much i really need him and how sad my life would be without him." I'm sorry to tell you this but your boyfriend obviously has some major control issues and he has told you that you NEED him so that you will think that you belong to him, and therefore he is allowed to physically force sex upon you when you obviously aren't ready. it makes me feel so sick and upset to hear girls say that it is ok for their boyfriends to rape them. My girlfriend used to be just like you DramaChick, and she didn't realize it at the time, but being raped on a normal basis, the way you are, was putting a lot of emotional stress on her. and now she is suffering with post traumatic stress disorder, and her and i are struggling to do some of the most simple things, such as lying in a bed together. she's just too scared to be alone with me, and i'm not complaining...she's incredible and we'll get there in time, i would just hate to know that you could end up like that. please get help, and leave that jerk, he obviously doesn't deserve such an incredible girl like you. you're in my prayers, goodluck

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