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Author Topic:   what is society's sexual quota?
Beautiful day
Activist

Posts: 59
From: Toronto/Ont/Canada
Registered: May 2001

posted 10-22-2001 05:13 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Beautiful day     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I know this may be mentioned a hundred times, but i'll try my luck.
Alright, so i have noticed that in modern society today, that the number of lovers or sexual partners you have is quite an issue. However i am finding this concept highly intimidating. I think maybe i am obsessed with this entire idea of having too many partners means that you are considered like low life or as most popularally said, "slutty".However, i am a bit confused, because i get the impression young people are being fed to be free with sexuality and explore it as u want. But with this concept we come into issueswith conflict A.. which is;should we limit ourselves of sexual partners?? and if we feel free to choose what we want .. and we have sexual encounters with numorous people.. is that effecting ourselves phychologically?? making us shallow and emotionless?? Just curious what people's thoughts were on this subject.

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Confused boy
Activist

Posts: 711
From: England
Registered: Nov 2000

posted 10-22-2001 05:30 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Confused boy     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I think there are so many things out there that are making people shallow and emotionless (TV, film, a significant amount of pop music, advertising absolutely everywhere!) that having a bit too much sex is quite a way down the list of making people shallow. Still sex should still be taken seriously before happening. It might affect you badly psychologically but not in a way that will suddenly make you obsessed with buying shoes or something.

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'An Anarchist is a Liberal with a bomb' Trotsky

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sapphirecat
Activist

Posts: 235
From: Louisville KY (St. Matthews)
Registered: Sep 2001

posted 10-22-2001 07:32 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for sapphirecat     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
The biggest risk of a large number of partners is contracting an STD. An interesting classroom experiment is to have a bunch of little containers half-full of water; one has ammonia as well, which represents a "diseased" one. After mixing your cup of water with some number of partners, the teacher goes around and puts some phenolphthaline (sp?) in each one, which turns bright pink in the ones with ammonia. Try it several times, exchanging with, say, 1, 3, and 6 partners, and notice how a lot more than twice the people are affected at 6 partners than 3.

As far as shallow goes, I think school is a perfectly fine way to get there. I didn't learn any plumbing or electrical work there. Nor did they ever mention transgendered, transsexual, intersex, etc. people in their so-called "sex education". Nor was I ever asked to read a thought-provoking story with implications about our future. I had to learn all that elsewhere. *stops pointless ranting*

On emotionless... I have some friends who played the field quite a bit, and they didn't seem to turn out any worse than me.

*thinks* I wonder... since when has having a partner meant that you had to have sex with them? Is that how you really feel, or did I jump to conclusions?

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Sapphire Cat
You can love me or hate me, but it won't change who I am.

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Miz Scarlet
Sexpert

Posts: 19846
From: Minneapolis
Registered: May 2000

posted 10-23-2001 04:26 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Miz Scarlet     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Might want to bear in mind that the assumption that having several or numerous sexual partners in life as something negative emotionally could be the same as assuming similar about having a lot of friends.

For some people, having numerous partners is just fine, for others it isn't. For some people, having only one or two is just fine, for others it isn't. But speaking on an emotional level, there is nothinbg inherently traumatic or numbing about having numerous partners sexually should you so choose. How it effects you is dependent on your own personality, what you're ready for, and the quality of those partnerships in terms of your own needs.

But I have yet to notice that, oh, say, myself or Hanne or Bettie are "shallow or emotionless," because we've had a great many sexual partners in life. I also have yet to notice that people with fewer partners have more depth or emotional capacity because of having but one or two partners. Logically, that's fallacious.

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Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

My epitaph should read: "She worked herself into this ground."
-- Kay Bailey Hutchinson

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Peter
Neophyte

Posts: 23
From: Seattle WA USA
Registered: Jun 2001

posted 10-23-2001 06:27 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Peter     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Gads, you mean some people still use the phrase 'slut' negatively? How archaic. In my circle of friends it is used as a term of endearment. It's a compliment.


Peter

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John Doe
Activist

Posts: 475
From: ohio
Registered: May 2001

posted 10-23-2001 07:13 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for John Doe     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Peter may have hit on the best way to getrid of that awful slut/stud dichotomy. Maybe instead of calling guys who have a lot of partners "studs", we should call them "male sluts" instead.

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bettie
Sexpert

Posts: 1055
From: Canada
Registered: Jun 2000

posted 10-23-2001 09:12 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for bettie     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
No studs, only "sluts"? Then men who have many partners would likely be stigmatized as well. Based on your past posts I don't think that is what you are going after John. I could be wrong though.

I like Peter's idea that slut is a term of endearment and as such it can be used to describe people of any gender. It is not a word I use very much except in jest - in a cheeky way with my closest friends. I find it loses its negative connotation that way.

Back to the topic at hand. I don't see someone's sexuality and sexual activity as a measure of their shallowness or sense of emotions. I think people see sex as having different value in their lives and this is based overall on their personality. I do not think the number of parters you have affects your outlook on things or your ability to feel and express deep emotions.

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Louise Lalonde
-Scarleteen Sexpert & Volunteer du Jour

"Glad to have a friend like you,
And glad to just be me"
-Carol Hall

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John Doe
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Posts: 475
From: ohio
Registered: May 2001

posted 10-23-2001 11:14 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for John Doe     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I'm a fan of equality, and if by only using the word slut, regardless of gender, it losses its stigma and negative connotation then I'm all for it. There is also the other alternative of "female studs".
I've always thought that the stud/slut dicotomy was unfair, although I must say in the grand scheme of things its sort of minor.

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Beautiful day
Activist

Posts: 59
From: Toronto/Ont/Canada
Registered: May 2001

posted 10-23-2001 02:33 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Beautiful day     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Very interesting responses and now i understand how i should change my way of thinking. My first statement was very fallacious and i think i need to change that sort of outlook. Due to the fact around where i live the kind of society and influences have given me this outlook i can't seem to let go.. which in turn has made me very insecure and self contious... and from there depressed to not be free to be myself. I live in fear of becoming a shallow person.. i am very emotional yet i have had several boyfriends and partners and such.. and i am afraid of losing myself.. i am also very cautious of what people think of me,, although im told a thousand times it doesnt matter.. i dont think anyone really understands how much it effects me and i cant change ti no matter how much i try.

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Peter
Neophyte

Posts: 23
From: Seattle WA USA
Registered: Jun 2001

posted 10-23-2001 04:53 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Peter     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Beautiful day:
Very interesting responses ...

Relax, dear.

The only people I use the term 'slut' negatively towards are those who are having more sex than I am... oh .... I guess that's at the core of the sex negative people's usage also... never mind.

[a smiley would be inserted here if I used 'em]


Peter

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Beautiful day
Activist

Posts: 59
From: Toronto/Ont/Canada
Registered: May 2001

posted 10-23-2001 05:26 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Beautiful day     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
wow.. was that a little hasty or what?

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PoetgirlNY
Activist

Posts: 1101
From: San Francisco
Registered: Jun 2000

posted 10-24-2001 09:02 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for PoetgirlNY     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I value quality over quantity when it comes to sex. I'm not saying that good sex with one person is neccesarily better than bad sex with 300 people. I think that however many partners someone has should depend on their own desires and personality, but what really matters is if they are happy with the sex they are having. To me, having sex "just to get laid" can be pretty silly. I personally don't have sex with someone unless I think that we will really enjoy ourselves and each other. However, that doesn't mean that I have any less partners that someone who cares less about quality. My goal is to have as much [i/]good[/] sex in my lifetime as possible, with however many people that may be. I consider myself a slut, and I revel in that title. But I think of slut as a good thing, and I consider it a great responsibility to be having lots of partners, and trying to ensure that no one gets hurt. Now I'm just being repetetive, so I'll stop.

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*Limes Are Sublime*

[This message has been edited by PoetgirlNY (edited 10-24-2001).]

[This message has been edited by PoetgirlNY (edited 10-24-2001).]

[This message has been edited by PoetgirlNY (edited 10-24-2001).]

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PoetgirlNY
Activist

Posts: 1101
From: San Francisco
Registered: Jun 2000

posted 10-24-2001 09:10 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for PoetgirlNY     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Did anyone else see American Pie 2? I saw it with my boyfriend over the summer. There's this concept explained called "The Rule of 3." It means that both women and men lie about the number of sexual partners they've had, but in opposite directions. If a woman tells you how many people she's had sex with, you multiply that by three to get the real number. If a man tells you, you divide it by three to get the real number. So it's essentially saying that women deflate and men inflate. It's a pretty offensive generalization, and it also had funny implications for me and my boyfriend. We were talked about it after. According to the formula, we figured out that in American Pie 2 Land, I've had 60 something partners, and he's had about 8. hehehe. I win

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*Limes Are Sublime*

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