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Author Topic:   Can't get out
Violet77
Neophyte

Posts: 1
From:
Registered: Jan 2002

posted 01-24-2002 03:12 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Violet77     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hi~ I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 3 months now. The first month we were together, he was so sweet and everything was wonderful. Then all of a sudden he became a different person. Things just got worst from there and now it's at its peak. Yesterday Josh (My BF) forced me to have sex with him. When I told him that I didn't believe in sex before marriage, he hit me and told me that he didn't care about what I thought and that I was just a "worthless girl". We ended up having unprotected sex.I am so scared. It would be ridiculous not to break up with him, but I'm afraid of this new violent Josh. What if I'm pregnant? I dont know what to do. -Violet

<email address removed to protect your privacy>

[This message has been edited by ookuotoe (edited 01-24-2002).]

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theguardian
Neophyte

Posts: 9
From: Blah blah blah can't tell!
Registered: Jan 2002

posted 01-24-2002 03:17 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for theguardian     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
.....oh my god. Girl, you have to get out of this relationship. I went out with this guy once, his name was Jason, and he did the exact same stuff to me. We were together for two months and the first month he was nice and sweet. Then everything I did suddenly became stupid and I was stupid and he'd force stuff on me. If a guy ever hits you, you should end it. It's only been 3 months and he's already pulling this stuff on you. Just imagine what would happen if you stayed together longer? And the sex thing, he may not care if you get pregnant but you certainly do. And you're not just a worthless girl. Ooo...this makes me so angry. I'd dump this "new Josh" and fast. Now. And, judging by the way Jason was then and what I know of him now, Josh has always been this way. But he had to be sweet for a while to earn your trust so he could play you like this. Don't let him. I love my Josh (yes my boyfriend's name is Josh too), but if he ever did anything like that I'd hafta walk away. It's hard but you have to do it. Trust me, the sooner you walk away, the more respect you will have for yourself later on.

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PoohBear84
Activist

Posts: 91
From: New York
Registered: Jan 2002

posted 01-24-2002 04:47 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for PoohBear84     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I've never been in a relationship like that one, but they don't seem nice, and i know that you really liked the "old josh" and that the relationship between him and you was special, but probably in truth he was never the way the "old josh" was, and was always this "new josh." Men like this are dangerous, and if you ever feel threatened (i can't spell,) by him again, or if he ever forces you to do something, or hits you, go get help... Doing that is not right, maybe you aren't ready to tell on him now, and that's fine, but he shouldn't be able to go on with his life and keep treating women like this. But, right now, what's important is that you take care of yourself, go get tested for any STD's and get a pregnancy test too. Keep your head strong, and keep posting! WE will always be here for you.

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~*Katie*~

Be yourself, because then no one can ever tell you that you are doing it wrong

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KittenGoddess
Sexpert

Posts: 4399
From: USA
Registered: Oct 2000

posted 01-24-2002 05:27 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for KittenGoddess     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Sweetie, it sounds like you definately need to tell somebody about this first thing...preferable an adult. A parent, a relative, a teacher or counselor...some trusted adult. This sounds like a very dangerous and unpredictable situation. Hitting and forced sex are not only dangerous unhealthy things, they're illegal things.

So first thing is to talk to somebody about this. Get them to help you since you're going to need both pregnancy testing (or an MAP if it's been less than 72 hours) and STD testing. And to see what sort of legal steps need to be taken (ie. reporting the assualt and a restraining order <if necessary> ).

Please talk to somebody about this, sweetie. Get out of this relationship and take the steps you need to take to keep you safe. I'm going to leave a link here to that will list some other resources and helplines that might be helpful to you.

Crisis Resources
Crisis Hotline

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~KittenGoddess
Scarleteen Advocate

There's hair there for a reason!

"Never insult an alligator until after you've crossed the river." ~Oriental Proverb

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cupcake
Activist

Posts: 433
From: Canada
Registered: Jun 2001

posted 01-24-2002 06:14 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for cupcake     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
k, I'll get the mean me out of the way first.
posted email address= bad
I believe it's against the guidelines.

Now onto the point.
You might be scared of him (and with very good reason!) but you have to GET OUT.
I realize you're scared about what he'll do, but it's nothing compared to sticking around.

From the sounds of it, you didn't have sex. You were raped. Very, very different things.

Like people have already said, you need to talk to someone. Really soon if at all possible.

I believe the rest of my points have already been said, k? Take some time and check out the sites KittenGoddess pointed out.

Good luck

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sapphirecat
Activist

Posts: 235
From: Louisville KY (St. Matthews)
Registered: Sep 2001

posted 01-24-2002 07:05 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for sapphirecat     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Don't wait around for anything to happen again. Get out NOW. Remember that forced sex is rape. Talk to your police department or parents and friends if you don't feel safe--they should help you. Another thought would be to look around for a rape crisis hotline. Check the inside front cover of your phone book.

As mentioned, go for tests: pregnancy and STDs.

Sorry if my writing isn't up to par. This does not put me in the best of moods...

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Sapphire Cat
The world needs me, to know not everyone is the same.
Artist, poet, programmer, dreamer, and crossdressing bondage kitty

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ookuotoe
Advocate

Posts: 2548
From: Na-tah-ka, MI, US
Registered: Sep 2001

posted 01-24-2002 09:18 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for ookuotoe     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Unfortunately (because this shouldn't happen to anyone) you are not alone.

http://www.scarleteen.com/forum/Forum9/HTML/000006.html is a thread where you can read about the experiences others have had and how they've handled it and post your own if you like.

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There is a time and a place for everything.

[This message has been edited by ookuotoe (edited 01-24-2002).]

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kythryne
Advocate

Posts: 1685
From: New York City
Registered: Oct 2001

posted 01-24-2002 09:39 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for kythryne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
You CAN leave. Please, please, hon, don't ever believe that you're stuck in a relationship. Leaving an abusive partner can be difficult, but staying because you're scared to leave doesn't solve anything, and the abuse *will* continue if you stay.

Kitten gave you some really good advice, and some excellent resources. Please do talk to someone who can help. Get tested for STDs, and get emergency contraception. Report the rape and file a restraining order.

Keep in mind, too, that by reporting what this guy did to you, you'll be helping anyone he abuses in the future. If it's a first offense, he may get off lightly, but if he does this again to someone else and they report it, this incident will be on his record and it'll be much easier for future victims to prosecute.
Please, hon, take care of yourself. You CAN leave. I was once in your situation, and I left. It was hard, and I was scared, but it saved my life.

Kyth

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Kythryne Aisling
Scarleteen Advocate

"The only unnatural sexual act is that which you cannot perform."
-- Alfred Kinsey

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