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Author Topic:   Relationships and going off the College
Uss69
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Posts: 31
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Registered: Jun 2000

posted 02-11-2001 01:37 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Uss69     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
There is this girl I like and I told her in a email that I do like her. I was baiscly letting her know what she heard the other night from a few of my friends was ture.
The thing that is kind of bother me is I'm a senior in High School and I'm almost positive that I'm going out of state for College(that is a chance I might stay here for 2 years to go to a local school but right now that does not seem likly)
Is it really worth prosuing a relationship when I know I'm going to leaving in a few months.

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emsily0
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Posts: 786
From: Washington, DC
Registered: Dec 2000

posted 02-11-2001 02:06 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for emsily0     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
ooh! ooh! a topic i actually know something about!

i'm a senior in high school too, and my boyfriend and I started going out last summer. he's a sophomore in college, and his school is a couple of hours away from our hometown. (he went to my high school, so i've known him for a few years). anyway, we got together in july, and we had a wonderful summer. when we first started going out, i didn't even think about what we would do when he went back to school - i wasn't sure we would be together that long, and it just didn't seem like that huge of a concern, you know? and we decided to stay together when he went back to school. it's painful at times, and i miss him like heck (for valentine's day on wednesday and my birthday on thursday - i wish he was here). but if you're both committed to it, a long-distance relationship is certainly doable, and i think in some ways it's more rewarding. i think the only real difference is that when we're together, our time is compacted and hurried and emotionally packed. lots of phone calls and instant messaging. i love him to death and i certainly don't regret my decision to do the long-distance thing. it's just not that big of a deal.

one of my friends and her boyfriend also were discussing what they would do when they went to school. they decided that it's not worth worrying about until that time comes, you know? why deprive yourself of 6 months of happiness with this person, just because you might want to break up when you go to school? yeah, breakups are painful, but not inevitable, and it might happen by then anyway. try to avoid putting time limits on your relationships. there are people here who are dating people on other continents, and they seem to be surviving just fine. it is possible.

on the other hand, i'm not really sure what i want to do when i go off to college this fall. do i want to be a crazy freshman and have all the random guys that my friends are going to have? or do i want to keep the boy i love? i don't know. for me, the question is less the location than what my attitude is going to be, you know? i don't know if i'll be able to tie myself down when i go to school. but again, i'll cross that bridge when i come to it.

finally, you should keep in mind that your relationship when you go to college doesn't neccessarily have to be a classic monogamous continous relationship. you could make it an open relationship, make it more casual when you get to school. you have to remember that you can play these things by ear. nothing is ever set in stone. it all depends on what you and your partner want.

but, all that said, i certainly wouldn't deprive myself of a relationship now just because i'm going to college in the fall.

em

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Love is a word that is constantly heard
Hate is a word that is not.
Love, I am told, is more precious than gold.
Love, I have read, is hot.
But hate is the verb that to me is superb,
And love but a drug on the mart.
Any kiddie in school can love like a fool,
But hating, my boy, is an art.
-Ogden Nash

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Gumdrop Girl
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Posts: 11271
From: Los Angeles, CA ... somewhere off the 10
Registered: Jul 2000

posted 02-11-2001 02:08 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Gumdrop Girl     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
have fun while you can. why waste the time you have now? you still have a good while before you have to go.

but when you go away, don't let the relationship hold you back. by that, definitely don't fall into the trap of staying behind just to be with that person because it's simply not worth it.

i'm a few steps ahead of you, right now, i'm in a relationship but i'm having to deal with the cold fact that when i graduate, i'm going to g far far away for grad or med school and i'll have to breakup with him. it's the same story, but frankly, my career is of utmost importance to me right now. nonetheles, i'm quite happy with us right now and enjoying every minute of it.

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Kill your TV! And while you're at it, your mobile phone, too.

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Uss69
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posted 02-11-2001 02:20 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Uss69     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
emsily0 you wanna know something weird. The Girl I like is in her 2nd year of college(I think second)

The only reason I might say a extra 2 years is if i can get a "free ride" to the local community college. I havent really check out all the different options yet of going to college but I do know I want to leave this area in the end(IE going to a local school for my basic subjects Math English ect and Leaving to get my Degree in the Field I want or just leave and get everything from 1 place).

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emsily0
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From: Washington, DC
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posted 02-11-2001 04:54 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for emsily0     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
can i ask where you live? and how far away her school is? and if you're considering going to school in a neighboring state, or across the country?

in any case, my answer stands. try it out, then work out the distance issues when you come to them.

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Uss69
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posted 02-11-2001 05:35 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Uss69     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
She goes to one of the Local Community Colleges. I might go to the same one if I'm able to get some kind of scholership. If not I'm going to go to a University which is about 350 miles north from here(I used to live up in that area + it's close to New York So Jobs in my field are near by)

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emsily0
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From: Washington, DC
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posted 02-11-2001 08:45 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for emsily0     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
350 miles ain't so bad. don't cross that bridge till you come to it, hon.

em

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D-Money
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Posts: 9
From: CT
Registered: Jan 2001

posted 02-12-2001 12:18 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for D-Money     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
i live 18 hours away from my girlfriend. I'm a freshman in college and she's a sophomore in high school. We talk quite a bit on the phone (about 11 hours on Saturday.. ) And we both love each other a lot and I can't imagine anyone more perfect so we're gonna have to deal with the distance problem now with trips and visits now and then until one of us can move closer to the other person.

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Uss69
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posted 02-12-2001 03:26 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Uss69     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Can anyone suggest a idea for a first date?

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StarryRedhead
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Posts: 367
From: NY, USA
Registered: Jul 2000

posted 02-12-2001 03:54 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for StarryRedhead     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Just enjoy it while it lasts, like everyone else said. Right now my guy and I are full aware of the fact that one of these days we'll be going our separate ways as a couple, he's wrapped up in his band, practicing hard, and I'm wrapped up in school in hopes to make a career in psychology. But for now, we take it one day at a time, enjoy eachother's company, and follow the saying, "We'll cross that bridge when we reach it." Meaning, we already know what's ahead but we won't dwell on it until we're there.

Now if you decide the relationship is too good to break off, you can do the long distance thing. But a warning is that they take A LOT of work, not that any normal relationship doesn't, but long distance relationships require both of you making a big effort to make it work. Lot's of communication, finding time, phone calls, e-mails, etc. And one thing is being prepared for one or both of you to change. I know I've known a lot of people in a long distance relationship that will say, "It's like they're a different person with a different life and different friends.." And if that happens and you can't deal with it, it may be time to let the relationship go. This is thinking ahead, but, you never know!

Oh, you want a good date idea. First try asking her what she likes to do. I'd suggest somewhere you can talk one on one, get to know eachother. For me and my guy's first date we walked around town, went to a diner, went to a movie, went to a pizza place, sat and talked, and then went to his friends dorm just to visit. We had lots of time to talk, it was wonderful.

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}{*Starry Ali*}{
"D'you get scared to feel so much? To let somebody touch you? So hot, so cold, so far, so out of control. Hard to come by, and harder to hold."

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Lucky1402
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Posts: 492
From: Michigan
Registered: Aug 2000

posted 02-12-2001 08:54 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lucky1402     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Oh goodie, a question I can relate to. See, the guy who I've been seeing is graduating this year. The only thing different than your situation is that my guy's going into the military first, then college, and the academy he plans on attending is out of state. ::sniff:: I guess I'll have to say goodbye for a few years. If you really like this girl though, and she has no problem with you being so far away, I say go for it. Like Gumdrop Girl said, you can still be with her until you go to college. Then when you go you guys can send email and call each other, or you can drive over and visit each other. You can at least give it a try, it could work! Good luck.

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*^Lucky^*
Come check out what's goin on in Lucky's mind!
"Dream as if you'll live forever, live as though you'll die today."

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Gumdrop Girl
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Posts: 11271
From: Los Angeles, CA ... somewhere off the 10
Registered: Jul 2000

posted 02-12-2001 09:03 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Gumdrop Girl     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
First Date?

a nice dinner for two. bring her flowers.

see a movie. not Hannibal, though. that's not a date movie.

be cute (and cheap). invite her over for pizza and something you got at Blockbuster -- something cute. girls like that (the cute stuff).

my friend calman suggests going to the gym with her.

go to the park.

go to the supermarket. buy food. cook it with her.

go to a nice, big library, or a big bookstore. find interesting books and read (quietly) short passages from them to her. May I recommend some Shakespeare sonnets?

go to a coffeehouse. bring a book of beat poetry. read it to her.

go see some live music, like a local jazz ensemble or your favorite local ska band or something.

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Kill your TV! And while you're at it, your mobile phone, too.

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StarlitNight007
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Posts: 59
From: Mountaintop
Registered: Nov 2000

posted 02-13-2001 02:51 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for StarlitNight007     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Lucky, I'm in the exact same situation as you are. my boyfriend of 10 months is off to Air force Academy. So it's gonna be quite some time in between rare visits. But i have faith in us. We'll do this, and we'll be even closer because of it.

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