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Author Topic:   Sexual Politics: Sex & Disability
BannaOj
Neophyte

Posts: 1
From:Rolling Meadows, IL
Registered: Jan 2004

posted 01-23-2004 12:36 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for BannaOj     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I stumbled onto the scarleteen site, when looking for fact-based information for a younger friend of mine. I got most of my sexual info via older friends who fortunately had their science straight.

Anyway I was very intrigued by this article. My childhood reads like a book of Asperger's children's experiences, and I score well into the Asperger's range on self-tests however I have never been formally diagnosed. I would be considered "high-functioning" for sure, though a definite oddity as a left-handed female chemical engineer. I was extremely lucky in that while raising me, my mother managed to instinctively do 90% of what the experts recommend today.

But the reaction described to inital sex with Asperger's i.e. extreme sensitivity to touch was something I wasn't aware of. Once again it describes my experience completely. At a certian touch a violent "fight or flight" reaction suddenly kicked in even though my participation was totally voluntary at an intellectual level. I am surprised that I didn't give my partner a black eye.

Fortunately my partner was very understanding and we patiently and gradually worked through it together, though it took months and is still an ongoing process.

I was wondering if there is any more reference liturature on sexual reactions in adult persons with Asperger's.

Thank you very much. I wish I had had your website when I was younger. I'm still learning things from it now!

BannaOj

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krm6886
Neophyte

Posts: 2
From:oklahoma city, OK
Registered: May 2004

posted 05-04-2004 07:31 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for krm6886     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
hey, great article. i'm a 17 year old guy in a wheelchair. i'm newly injured, about 2 years. i was fairly 'active' sexually before, but now im looked in a completely non-sexual way by girls around here. the 'pathetic' and 'saintly' stereotypes are very accurate... hardly anyone looks at me as an equal. not only am i self-conscious of my appearnce... i dont want to guilt someone into a relationship with me, or get into a relationship and deprive her of the things i should be able to do for her. ive decided to work on me first, once im more confident in myself.. i think i could be in a relationship. but for now, rehab...

------------------
Kyle ~[hotwheels]~

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logic_grrl
Advocate

Posts: 4510
From:UK
Registered: May 2002

posted 05-05-2004 05:07 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for logic_grrl     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
ive decided to work on me first, once im more confident in myself.. i think i could be in a relationship.

That sounds like a very smart plan.

There are certainly people who will (because of their own prejudices) view you as "asexual" because you're in a wheelchair - but there are also people out there who won't have those prejudices.

And if you can get to a point where you're comfortable with yourself, there's no need to worry that you're "guilting" someone into a relationship or depriving them of anything. Someone who's in a relationship with you is probably there because they want to be.

As a matter of fact, a good buddy of mine who uses a wheelchair just got married .

By the way, he recommends John Hockenberry's book "Moving Violations: War Zones, Wheelchairs and Declarations of Independence" as a great, no-holds-barred book about coming to terms with life on wheels (sex included).

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wayback
Neophyte

Posts: 1
From:mesa,az,usa
Registered: Jun 2004

posted 06-17-2004 11:53 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for wayback     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
as you get older, kyle, not all girls are going to see you as a wheelchair first. my boyfriend during college was a para. that was back in the early 70's. but let me tell you, we had sex-often. we finaly broke up because i couldn't deal with all the other girls that were after him, but we were friends for thirty years after that.
don't worry about depriving her of anything. i never felt deprived, i was always the one who got wore out first!

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