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Emergencies and Crises
abortion, boyfriend is [not] okay?!!!
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posted 01-23-2006 02:05 AM
My boyfriend is having a hard time. We had a surgical abortion on the 18th and for a few days he tried really hard to hold it together (he feels like he has to stay strong so I will do the same)... but he's been a WRECK for a few weeks and on the 20th I initiated a talk about him not being okay. He said he's had nightmares about the protestors... but that's all I could get out of him. So I made him take the number of the clinic who offers free post abortion counseling. I think that upset him more because even though when he went home that night we were on good terms, he hasn't talked to me for two days and hasn't seen me for three!
I am so worried about him because I know he is hurting badly. It's not like him to bail out in a time like this... he always tries to make sure Iím okay when thereís an emergency. Ö I'm so sad about how I imagine he's feeling and what he could be thinking. I want him to get help but don't know how to make sure he does.
Since he's ignoring me... that means he wants space, right?
Should I just leave him to come to terms with it? And call me when he's ready?
Or could he feel how I would if I were acting this way and be dying for me to help him?!
All he ever wants to do is sleep. He always wants to be alone. He barely touched me after I found out I was pregnant-- he actually got agitated when I tried to get him to hold me! He's not acting like himself at all and no one can get him to talk. His band mates have tried; I keep calling and leaving messages saying I love him... but I wonder if it's making him feel worse?
He says heís fine. And if he is fine then ignoring me during this situation would make him a jerk. But he said heís had nightmares! And I think heís depressed.
Gimme some guidance! Iíve got to make sure heís okay!!!!
posted 01-23-2006 10:53 AM
Honestly, I wouldn't worry that much about him. YOU are the one who was pregnant, YOU are the one who had the abortion, not him.
Certainly, he's going to have his own feelings about it, but this should not be a crisis-type scenario for him, as he isn't IN crisis. This behaviour started with him from the start of your pregnancy, so it's likely not just about the abortion. Partner behaviour w/pregancy can be pretty unpredictable: sometimes even the otherwise coolest of partners behave badly.
YOU need support right now: ask for it. He says he's fine, you say YOU are not fine, so ask him to step up. Seriously, YOU need to be your primary concern right now, and he needs to pony up and realize you are the one who has been in crisis here.
posted 01-23-2006 07:46 PM
Peaches, although we know you are only trying to help, this board is for staff and volunteers only. Please stick to only answering in the boards open for all users.
All times are CT
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