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Author Topic:   Good friend making bad choices
SilverBabe
Neophyte

Posts: 25
From: San Diego, CA
Registered: Feb 2002

posted 02-16-2002 12:30 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for SilverBabe     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
My best friend of eight years, T, has always been really smart and has always had good judgment. (Especially when it comes to fashion!) But lately, she has been making some bad choices. Here they are:

*She is getting mixed up with a really bad guy.

*He is 18. She is 16. She needs to be older by law.

*He has semen. She has eggs. They need to use protection, which she won't use. (She doesn't have a lot of money, and I gave her a fistfull and told her to buy some condoms and pills. She won't. She has about 20 cheesy excuses of why she won't, too.)

*He is no good. He sleeps around with a lot of girls, he is just using her for sex. He'll end up hurting her, I know he will. He doesn't evern know HOW to love.

The other day, she came to me and was all freaked out. She was like, "Oh my god, Mara! I think I'm pregnant! I haven't gotten my period!!!" The next day she got it. It was just a couple days late.

She is scaring me, big time. She doesn't have a good influence at home, either. Her mom had her when she was 16 and her older brother (by a different man) when she was 13. She always has a different guy at the house and she drinks and smokes A LOT.

My friend sleeps around and she doesn't use protection. She has become a major slut. (What's worse, she isn't a safe slut!-If there is such a thing.)

She is going to a party tomarrow night and I don't know how to talk her out of it. This party is no good. All these really bad, wild, no good, male-slut guys are going to be there along with a bunch of girls who have sex with animals. She didn't want to go at first, but a guy talked her into it. He bribed her with money-probably from the drugs he sold last week.

I feel so scared. I don't know how I'm ever going to talk her out of going. I just know something bad is going to happen. How do I talk some sense into her?

------------------
In life, there are choices to make every where you go. Do your best to follow your heart and listen to the advice of people you love and trust.

[This message has been edited by SilverBabe (edited 02-16-2002).]

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Lin
Activist

Posts: 2294
From: Singapore
Registered: Dec 2000

posted 02-16-2002 10:29 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lin     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hey sweeto, here on Scarleteen, regardless of how strongly you might feel about someone, it really isn't nice to use words like slut. It comes across as very judgmental and we really don't want to do that.

It's wonderful that you care so much about your friend but the sad truth is that at the end of the day, there is only so much you can do.

Try sitting her down one more time for a serious talk. Tell her you love her as a friend and you simply want the best for her and that what she is doing is quite simply dangerous.

Not only could she get pregnant, she could end up getting an STD or HIV. And does she really want to live with something like that for the rest of her life?

Go one step further, prepare a safe sex kit for her. Including condoms, lubricant, latex gloves, dental dams and give it to her.

Print out some of the articles from ST and give them to her.

She now has everything at her fingertips. Whether to use this information or not is up to her.

Other than that, there is little you can do. Just tell her you simply want to see her safe but you will always be her friend and stand by her when she needs you. Good luck hon.

Here are some articles you can print out for her to take a look at.

Pregnancy Risk Assessment

Birth Control Options

STD Risk Sheet

Safe, Sound and Sexy

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ErinK
Advocate

Posts: 2430
From:
Registered: Sep 2000

posted 02-16-2002 11:11 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for ErinK     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
The other thing to consider, after you've considered Lin's helpful advice, is that you can't make someone be safe. I wish you could; I think most, if not all, of the people on this board, including the advocates and sexperts, wish you could!

However, you can give her advice, articles, safer sex supplies, and tell her over and over. Those are all good things, and I devoutly hope that she picks up the Clue PHone here. But you can't keep her from making bad decisions -- only she can do that. All you can do is provide information, help, and support. If she keeps spurning that, well, you've done all you can.

So you'll probably need to decide on a point where, if it's clear that she's not listening, to just let go of it. It's sad, and it's hard, and I've had to do it a few times and it's hurt a lot, but ultimately I knew that I'd done all I could and could go no further.

Erin

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