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Author Topic:   Penis envy?
pixeltd
Neophyte

Posts: 2
From: chicago IL
Registered: May 2005

posted 05-18-2005 11:10 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for pixeltd     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I am a girl, but ever since I was younger, I've always wanted a penis.

This is not to say that I psychologically relate to men. I currently have a loving boyfriend, and am looking forward to marrying a man one day and having children. I prefer arts and crafts to sports, and have never enjoyed "rough-playing" the way typical boys do, and I am most DEFINATELY not dominant in any relationship.

However, ever since about the age of 5, I've just always felt as though I would be happier with a penis. I remember watching a show detailing a child raised as a girl, whos genitals developed into a penis by puberty, and just praying it would happen to me. Whenever I'm alone, I like to stuff my underwear just to get the feeling. Its almost indescribably, I just have this urge to have a penis.

I'm big on psychology, and have researched transexuals before, but I'm still not exactly sure where I fall in this situation, or what I should do to rid myself of this need for a penis.

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JamsessionVT
Advocate

Posts: 1293
From: VT, USA
Registered: Apr 2004

posted 06-04-2005 05:55 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for JamsessionVT     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Really, there isn't anything wrong w/ an obsession like this unless you are being physically or emotionally harmed by it, or are harming others.

Some might say that having "penis envy" (which I actually often reserve the saying for males, since the whole "is it big-wide-long-normal enough?" debate leads me to believe me that is THEY they really have this quote on quote "penis envy" ) is a sign of a transgenderal person. But as far as I'm concerned it's totally fine to wonder or think about what it'd be like to have a penis (or a vagina, clitoris, whatever the case may be).

If it bothers you that you have these thoughts, it's best to concentrate on what you have. Find new ways to pleasure yourself, do whatever, but try to really understand how amazing the vagina, clitoris, etc really are. Because, honestly, loving and appreciating what you have is a great step towards loving yourself, and in your case, letting go of your fascination.

[This message has been edited by JamsessionVT (edited 06-04-2005).]

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BiGoddess
Activist

Posts: 112
From:
Registered: Jun 2005

posted 06-28-2005 11:43 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for BiGoddess     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Well, it's quite possible that you're a gay man. However, no one but you can tell for sure.

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BlueRose
Neophyte

Posts: 2
From: USA
Registered: Jul 2005

posted 07-03-2005 08:24 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for BlueRose     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I don't want a penis, but I would like to have the power that usually goes along with having one!

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LilBlueSmurf
Sexpert

Posts: 5209
From: Belleville, Ontario, Canada
Registered: Sep 2000

posted 07-03-2005 09:28 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for LilBlueSmurf     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by BlueRose:
I don't want a penis, but I would like to have the power that usually goes along with having one!

... Can you elaborate on that a little?

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~jess~
Activist

Posts: 274
From: Oregon
Registered: Dec 2001

posted 07-04-2005 12:57 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for ~jess~     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
i always thought it was unfair that boys could pee wherever they wanted. Freshman year, Im a senior now-wow that weird to say, we use to say that if we had a penis for just one day, we'd spend all day masturbating, well we said jacking off but i though I'd use the correct term.

------------------
my LJ

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JamsessionVT
Advocate

Posts: 1293
From: VT, USA
Registered: Apr 2004

posted 07-04-2005 09:39 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for JamsessionVT     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
(Hey BiGoddess, I'm pretty sure that pixeltd said she was a girl, not a guy )

jess, you probably could have chosen better words to describe what you were describing. I think what most people would read into your first statement is that having a penis makes you more powerful, or gives you more power in many different areas than having, say, a vagina. Which is totally untrue and very sexist. What I think you meant to say was that having a penis might be more convenient as far as urination and masturbating

[This message has been edited by JamsessionVT (edited 07-04-2005).]

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~jess~
Activist

Posts: 274
From: Oregon
Registered: Dec 2001

posted 07-04-2005 05:58 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for ~jess~     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
i dont get what you meant, I dont see how i implied that a penis makes you more powerful, could you elaborate? having a penis makes it easier to pee in the woods, you dont have to carry around TP and you dont have to squate to go pee. how is that sexist? Im just curious.

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JamsessionVT
Advocate

Posts: 1293
From: VT, USA
Registered: Apr 2004

posted 07-04-2005 07:35 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for JamsessionVT     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I don't imply that YOU meant any of what I said. I simply mean to say that what I and what I'm guessing that Smurf were thinking is the age old idea that having a penis, (therefor being male) makes you somehow more powerful or dominant to everything and anything. The penis has been, for a very long time, looked at as a power icon, if that makes sense. I know that is not what you meant, and I understand what you were getting at (I would totally dig not having to squat on the side of a 100 mile stretch of highway in the middle of nowhere just to pee ) I'm sorry for the misunderstanding

[This message has been edited by JamsessionVT (edited 07-04-2005).]

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LilBlueSmurf
Sexpert

Posts: 5209
From: Belleville, Ontario, Canada
Registered: Sep 2000

posted 07-04-2005 08:52 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for LilBlueSmurf     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
(Psst ... It was BlueRose who said she felt that having a penis would give her more power, not jess)

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~jess~
Activist

Posts: 274
From: Oregon
Registered: Dec 2001

posted 07-05-2005 01:38 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for ~jess~     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
i was just wondering. we said that 3 years ago, being immature freshmen (no offense to any freshmen). I just wanted to clear up any misunderstanding.

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JamsessionVT
Advocate

Posts: 1293
From: VT, USA
Registered: Apr 2004

posted 07-06-2005 04:20 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for JamsessionVT     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
!!!Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry Jess! I can't believe I missed that...

I know I screwed up...but that's just bad...

Again, very sorry for the confusion, jess, I have no idea what was going on in my head (if anything )...I must stop and read user names once in a while...

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~jess~
Activist

Posts: 274
From: Oregon
Registered: Dec 2001

posted 07-08-2005 01:23 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for ~jess~     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Ok. I was really confused. I reread my reply and couldnt figure what I did wrong. I just thought maybe you had another opion and i could learn something from your point of view since the whole point of this site is to learn.

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KCallahan
Activist

Posts: 50
From: Austin, TX, USA
Registered: Dec 2003

posted 08-06-2005 11:18 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for KCallahan     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Pixeltd,

Well, I'm coming from the other side of the fence on this, but this is when I stop lurking and actually post (very rare for me to do, but eh). I'm MTF (male to female), but I wouldn't say I have "vagina envy."

From my experience, it doesn't sound like you're transsexual, since you don't see yourself as male. It's definitely possible you don't identify as totally female, and that's okay. Gender, like sexuality, is a spectrum.

To better explain, I am not physically female. I do not dress as a female. I am only out to a select crowd, which includes my best friends, my girlfriend (until recently, we broke up in May after a long relationship), and my mother. And of course my therapists. I don't go out of my way to "act" feminine, although I'm often told I am. Those are all external and have nothing to do with how I identify inside. Vagina or not, I am still female. I don't need a particular anatomy to tell me what I already know.

Some of my friends still don't understand that. They seem convinced that I need to have surgery to be a girl. They somehow miss the fact that I already am, but I tire of explaining.

If this doesn't sound like you, ie. you identify as female but just want a penis as opposed to a penis being a nice thing to have so your outer anatomy would resemble your inner self, then I wouldn't call you a transsexual at all. At least not how I understand the term.

While it is true that you could be a gay man, once again, if you identify as female, then I wouldn't say that's likely, again from my own experience as being a gay woman in precisely that situation.

As for the penis being a power symbol, in many cultures it is just that, ancient world on throughout history. It penetrates, and our society through the ages has associated that with power. Study the Greeks and Romans if you want some real insight into just how seriously some cultures took this "phallic power." But then you say you're not dominant in any relationship? What do you mean by that? Every single relationship?

The reason I ask is because I can definitely understand your desire for a penis if you are dominant sexually. My girlfriend was very dominant, and spoke more than once about the desire to have a penis purely for the sexual benefits it would let her have. This goes back to that cultural understanding of penetrating as dominant action. This is not the same, however, as dominant in romance, friendship, or business relationships. Sex is its own kettle of fish.

I hope that gives you some direction. The more you clarify, the more I can offer advice based on my personal experience.

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