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Author Topic:   My name is Kyth, and my partner is a transsexual...
kythryne
Advocate

Posts: 1685
From: New York City
Registered: Oct 2001

posted 01-26-2002 10:59 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for kythryne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Remember the
Would you stay with...herm?
topic we had going a while back? My remarks in that topic turned out to be a great deal more relevant than I ever expected...

Long story short, my husband began gender reassignment therapy in November, and is now living full-time as a woman. She's already changed her name, told her family and friends, and she'll be starting on hormones within the next few months. Full gender reassignment surgery will happen sometime in the next two years.

We've had our ups and downs through all of this, and it's certainly made for some difficult times in our relationship. We are staying together, though, and as an interesting aside, that means that we'll be a legally married same-sex couple once she has the surgery.

So that's my news for the day. I figured this was a pretty good use for my 300th post...

Kyth

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Kythryne Aisling
Scarleteen Advocate

"The only unnatural sexual act is that which you cannot perform."
-- Alfred Kinsey

(mutter mutter, UBB nonsense again)

[This message has been edited by kythryne (edited 01-26-2002).]

[This message has been edited by kythryne (edited 01-26-2002).]

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Rizzo
Activist

Posts: 582
From: Montreal, Quebec, Canada
Registered: Aug 2000

posted 01-28-2002 04:06 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Rizzo     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
My name is Rizzo. And I have a problem. Just kidding!

My parents are legally married, and my dad's a transexual. She lives as a woman, but has not had surgery. So their situation is pretty similar to Kyth's.

Anyway Kyth, best of luck to you and uh... congratulations? (I'm not quite sure how to respond to your news... I was but a child when my dad switched camps, so I can't really remember how I felt.) and congratulations on your 300th post

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'rin
Activist

Posts: 219
From: lost in yonkers
Registered: Nov 2000

posted 02-10-2002 09:21 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for 'rin     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
good luck kyth.....just so you know, there's a really neat yahoo list for significant other's of crossdressers. there are also a few significant other's of transexuals on the list. it's been helping me deal with my own gender issues that come into play concerning my partner's dressing a lot. if you want to look into it i can get you the link.
'rin

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<a href="http://www.inhabitcorners.blogspot.com">who is rin</a>

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kythryne
Advocate

Posts: 1685
From: New York City
Registered: Oct 2001

posted 02-10-2002 09:39 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for kythryne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Thanks 'rin... I'm already on several discussion lists for partners of transsexuals, but I appreciate the offer anyway.

I'm actually doing really well with all of the trans issues right now; I was never particularly upset about any of it, just surprised by how quickly it all happened. My partner's doing a lot better emotionally now that she's living full-time as a woman, and in turn, our relationship is doing better too. It's been a challenge mainly in terms of worrying about what other people will think -- and we're finding that most people really don't care at all.

Kyth

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Kythryne Aisling
Scarleteen Advocate

"The only unnatural sexual act is that which you cannot perform."
-- Alfred Kinsey

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glitter695
Activist

Posts: 1976
From: NY:)
Registered: Oct 2000

posted 02-10-2002 10:56 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for glitter695     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
What did you feel like when you found out that your husband wanted to be a woman? Did you feel betrayed? Did you want it to happen? What were your thoughts?

Sorry, just curious.

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*~*~12/3/99*~*
Bobaroony & Erica Bearica
<3 love forever!

Monk N Bear~ Best Friends Forever! ~Luv ya babe!

*~*Scarleteen Advocate*~*

One ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. Heather Corinna

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kythryne
Advocate

Posts: 1685
From: New York City
Registered: Oct 2001

posted 02-11-2002 12:16 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for kythryne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
No need to appologize, glitter -- I'm happy to answer any questions about this.

My first reaction was along the lines of "wow, I didn't expect this to happen this soon." I wasn't at all surprised by it -- I think I'd rather expected that it might come up someday.

I never felt betrayed at all -- that's a common reaction, I know, but one that I just don't relate to in the slightest. I know that's largely because gender doesn't particularly matter to me when it comes to relationships. If my partner had been born female, I would have still wanted to marry her.

As for wanting it to happen -- yes, once I saw how much it meant to her, I absolutely wanted her to go through with transitioning and surgery. She's only just started on the transitioning process (it'll take at least another two years) but already it's made an incredible difference in her emotional well-being.

Kyth

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Kythryne Aisling
Scarleteen Advocate

"The only unnatural sexual act is that which you cannot perform."
-- Alfred Kinsey

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Alaska
Sexpert

Posts: 4499
From: mad(e) in Germany
Registered: Nov 2000

posted 02-12-2002 01:09 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Alaska     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hi Kyth, just a wee little note from me that won't progress the thread much at all:

Just wanted to send some energy your and your wifes way, gal. So good that this has been going so well so far, here's to hoping that you'll keep mastering the ups and downs of the transition period as well as you tow already have.

If you don't mind sharing: what will the next few steps be for her? I only know about the protocol over here, which requires extensive therapeutic assistance by several psychiatrists for a period of at least 2 years while living as the desired gender full-time and getting hormone treatment before surgery can happen.
So what will the drill be for her now? Do I remeber it correctly that it is not possible to change your registered gender in the US?

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Caro
~Scarleteen Sexpert~

"Through repetition the magic will be forced to rise."
Alchemical Precept

[This message has been edited by Alaska (edited 02-12-2002).]

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Lisa D
Activist

Posts: 442
From: Dublin, OH USA
Registered: Jul 2000

posted 02-12-2002 02:05 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lisa D     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Wow, i find this all terribly interesting...I do not personally know anyone who has transitioned from one gender to another.

Fascinating!

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kythryne
Advocate

Posts: 1685
From: New York City
Registered: Oct 2001

posted 02-12-2002 03:21 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for kythryne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
If you don't mind sharing: what will the next few steps be for her? I only know about the protocol over here, which requires extensive therapeutic assistance by several psychiatrists for a period of at least 2 years while living as the desired gender full-time and getting hormone treatment before surgery can happen.

It's similar here. She has to do six months of talk-therapy before starting hormone therapy, and then she has to live full-time as a woman (the "real-life test") for a minimum of a year before she can have surgery. The doctor she wants to have for the surgery requires a year and a half, though, which is why it'll be the better part of two years before she's done. And, of course, we have to find some way to finance all of it -- it'll cost somewhere in the vicinity of $25,000 by the time it's all over.

quote:

Do I remeber it correctly that it is not possible to change your registered gender in the US?

It depends on the state you were born in. My partner was fortunately born in a state that will re-issue birth certificates after sex reassignment, so she'll be legally female once it's all over. Then it's just a matter of updating all the legal documents, etc.

If anybody's interested, here are two websites with information on transsexualism and sex reassignment:
http://transsexual.org http://www.annelawrence.com/index.html
Kyth

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Kythryne Aisling
Scarleteen Advocate

"The only unnatural sexual act is that which you cannot perform."
-- Alfred Kinsey

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Beppie
Advocate

Posts: 2131
From: Australia
Registered: Jun 2000

posted 02-12-2002 03:58 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Beppie     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by kythryne:
It depends on the state you were born in. My partner was fortunately born in a state that will re-issue birth certificates after sex reassignment, so she'll be legally female once it's all over. Then it's just a matter of updating all the legal documents, etc.

Will that affect the status of your marriage at all, since (unfortunately) legally marriage is still defined in all states as a union between a man and a woman?

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kythryne
Advocate

Posts: 1685
From: New York City
Registered: Oct 2001

posted 02-12-2002 04:27 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for kythryne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
No, there's a lovely little loophole in the law here in Florida, that basically says, if you were eligible to get married when you applied for the license, your marriage stays legal until you divorce or somebody dies.

So we'll be legally married lesbians. How cool is that?

Kyth

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Alaska
Sexpert

Posts: 4499
From: mad(e) in Germany
Registered: Nov 2000

posted 02-12-2002 04:32 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Alaska     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
thanks for these details, kyth.
and wow to the loophole in florida. lovely for the two of you.

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~jess~
Activist

Posts: 274
From: Oregon
Registered: Dec 2001

posted 03-10-2002 03:02 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for ~jess~     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by kythryne:

So we'll be legally married lesbians. How cool is that?

so does that mean that you will consider yourself a lesbian?

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i love matt even through hes older

ICQ#142088477

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