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Author Topic:   Sexual Abuse?

Posts: 1
From: Portugal
Registered: Nov 2005

posted 11-10-2005 12:17 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for cherryblossomgirl     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
hi! ^_^

ok, here's the problem: like 3 years ago, when I was 14, I tried to have sex with my boyfriend (now my ex) and it hurt like hell, so much that I only allowed him to penetrate me about 2 inches, I simply couldn't bear the pain. we tried a few more times, using a lot of foreplay and all but it still did hurt so I just gave up and decided I wouldn't ever have sex with boys.
the strange thing is that despite that being the first time I had intercourse, the pain seemed really familiar to me, like I had experienced it before and knew what would come next. I just assumed the problem was due to the fact that I can't handle the minimmum amount of pain, not even the tiny blood tests' needle!
but this year, while I was high on pot I started to recall childhood memories as I usually do when high and one thing came to my mind, all of a sudden. it was a non-visual memory, I only felt and heard. I first felt my legs being pulled apart, heard myself screaming with a really childish voice and then felt the same pain I did when I tried to have sex.
my current boyfriend told me that some people who have sexual problems when adults may have been sexually abused when they were little so they don't even know they were abused in the first place.
and then I remembered that when I was about 3 years old I started to have nightmares every night, in which I was persecuted and always the same thing was about to happen but never did because I always woke up before that.
so... could it be that I was sexually abused as a small child?
thanks in advance
ps - sorry if my english isn't completely correct, I'm portuguese.

[This message has been edited by cherryblossomgirl (edited 11-10-2005).]

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Posts: 204
From: Manchester, UK
Registered: Apr 2004

posted 11-10-2005 12:27 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for ladydexter     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Do you have these "memories" when you're not high?

'Cause, drugs? A lot of the time, might make you think things are real, which aren't.

but, if you really do think it happened, maybe talk to your doctor and see about getting some counselling if it's bothering you?

I work with childhood sexual abuse victims, mainly people who were placed in care homes as children, and most of them distinctly remember what happened, but they didn't realise it was bad or wrong at the time. Some people as old as seventy-one are only just now coming forward and admitting to this treatment!

I'm concerned that you only remember this when you're high, though. Also, nightmares at that age may well have just been normal nightmares, especially if you haven't suffered from them in a long while.

To answer the question simply: it's possible, but there's too many factors making it too vague to point to a definite answer.

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Miz Scarlet

Posts: 19846
From: Minneapolis
Registered: May 2000

posted 11-10-2005 12:36 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Miz Scarlet     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Here's the thing: grass is a hallucinogen, and it also increases paranoia. So, it's far more reasonable to assume that experience wasn't about reality than to assume that it was. In fact, what's more likely is that that imagery and headspace was projection about the pain you know you did experience during your intercourse attempts.

And per the pain feeling familiar and the nightmares, I wouldn't say those are good indicators, either.

Thing is, most people do remember severe abuse (we usually have a very hard time forgetting it), and it tends to have quite a lot of very noticeable effects that are constant. Yes: for very, very small children, sometimes the brain works in such a way that it literally blocks experiences so traumatic, they are never remembered. But that's what's key: they aren't remembered, so they can't actually be later recalled, just like if you don't take notes in class on a given day, you can't read them on the sheet of paper left blank. One pretty dangerous type of therapy back when -- RMT, or recovered memory therapy -- made grave errors in that respect, causing many healthy families without abuse to be torn horrible because of imagined and invented abuse scenarios.

Did you have standard health care as a child, regular doctor visits? If so, it'd have been VERY unlikely for a pediatrician NOT to have noticed severe genital trauma, which is what you'd find in a child forced into intercourse at SUCH a small age. In fact, an adult male being able to penetrate a three-year-old girl, given physiology, would be pretty unlikely. (And all the more so since the type of pain you described at first attempts at intercourse suggests a high probability of at least a partially intact hymen, if not a fully intact hymen.) More common sexual abuse with that age is fondling, forced oral or manual sex, etc. Did your childhood doctor ever diagnose you with any sort of genital infection? Was there any history when you were that age of severe abdominal pain, unsual bleeding, chronic urinary tract infections, etc?

If you really suspect this, your better bet is to look to your whole childhood: was any behaviour in your family abusive in other respects? Usually, sexual abuse is also in the context of emotional abuse, for instance. If you have siblings, have they suspected anything? Is there any history of abuse in your family overall? Through your life, have you had severe trust or intimacy problems? Self-esteem issues? Trouble establishing limits and boundaries? Can you remember your childhood pretty consistently, or do whole chucnks of time -- sometimes for months or even years -- seem to be missing or very, very murky? Anyone in your family you or your siblings were seen as unreasonably afraid of as a child? Etc.

Heather Corinna
Editor & Founder, Scarleteen
ST blog about Heather & Scarleteen
"You have to love women who are brave enough to do things so big in a world where women are supposed to be so small." - Andrea Dworkin

[This message has been edited by Miz Scarlet (edited 11-10-2005).]

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Posts: 204
From: Manchester, UK
Registered: Apr 2004

posted 11-11-2005 12:04 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for ladydexter     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
(Further to Miz Scarlet's remark, one of the clients who we deal with's sister was raped by her father - our client's step-father "between the ages of two and five" and was VERY quickly yanked out of the situation and placed with a foster family. It's not the sort of trauma you don't miss.

Miz - a good many of our clients were raped at varying ages, and while the majority are male, I have to say that apart from the above example, the lowest age for this to occur seems to be around 7 or older, citing our female clients for this, so I agree it's probably unlikely that penetration would be possible considering many of our clients have been in the same care home for on occasion, several years before abuse occurred.)

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Posts: 11
From: Florida
Registered: Nov 2005

posted 11-11-2005 06:30 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for aliyeva87     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
It sounds like the combination of the drug and wanting to find an explanation for your problem makes you think of sex abuse. That is not evidence. No offense!

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