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Author Topic:   losing virginity- does it hurt THAT bad?
ana
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posted 11-02-2004 07:02 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for ana     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
i was a dancer for 16 years so i assume my hymed has been torn but im also a tiny girl so im really scared that losing my virginity will hurt. some people say it hurts really bad and some say it didnt at all. im also scared to bleed- do you always bleed? bc that would be emberassing

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113533
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posted 11-02-2004 07:57 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for 113533     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Just as you said, first time sex will hurt for some, and others will find that it simply didn't hurt at all. As I said in your other post, having a "tiny vagina" has nothing to do with whether or not it will hurt for you. No, people do not always bleed. However, if you are comfortable with your partner (which is key in a healthy sexual relationship), bleeding should not be embarassing.

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CMTFlovesHAH
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posted 11-02-2004 08:30 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for CMTFlovesHAH     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I was 17 when I lost my virginity, and it didn't hurt me at all. I am not athletic (unless you count marching band), and I don't masturbate. It wasn't the best experience I ever had, but that's usually the story when it's your first time.

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papou_fruit
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posted 11-03-2004 10:56 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for papou_fruit     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I lost my virginity a few months ago actually, and I'm a small girl too. I was in dance for a few years before that, I was also sure my hymen was broken before too because I masturbated with toys.
But still, when I first had sex, if you're scared, just ask them to be gentle It hurt when he first entered, but afterwards, you'll feel better. I didn't bleed when I first had sex, but I don't think it'll be like mensturating amount.

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starlet
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posted 11-04-2004 12:02 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for starlet     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I have been dancing for many years and I'm 5'2 and around 100 lbs. When I lost my virginity, it really didn't hurt me all that much. I think a lot of it has to do with your pain threshhold level and how big the guy you're having sex with is. Also, how relaxed you are.
As all these people before me said... it all depends and varies from person to person.
And not everyone bleeds. From what I know, most girls do bleed a little bit at some point. I didn't bleed much my first time. The second time, I bled a fair amount though. Bleeding isn't abnormal unless it's a large quantity.

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.:*starlet

[This message has been edited by starlet (edited 11-04-2004).]

[This message has been edited by starlet (edited 11-04-2004).]

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logic_grrl
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posted 11-04-2004 06:39 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for logic_grrl     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
For the record, height and weight have no bearing on the size of your vagina.

Excluding a few medical condions, vaginas are all capable of expanding to contain a human penis just fine.

So there's no need to worry about being "tiny".

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DiamondDog
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posted 11-06-2004 09:00 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for DiamondDog     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I'm a runner and I do a lot of stretching, so I had assumed that my hymen would have been at least stretched some. When I had sex the first time, it hurt A LOT at first, but eventually the pain went away during the sex. I didn't bleed or hurt afterwards (that surprised me).

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chibicheebs
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posted 11-08-2004 12:42 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for chibicheebs     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
don't worry about it. I am also very very tiny. And I have a boyfriend who has above average penis size. When we had sex for the first time, there was some pain, but no bleeding. All I can say, is just take your time. Make sure you are turned on. Because if you are not, it WILL hurt.

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anonymous_catamountain
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posted 11-08-2004 04:13 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for anonymous_catamountain     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
i have not had sex, but i read somewhere, and have heard from others who have had sex, that you want to be well lubricated. the less friction, the less pain

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wwe_baby_gurl
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posted 11-08-2004 08:16 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for wwe_baby_gurl     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hey, I just had sex for the first time about 3 weeks ago, and it sort of hurt at first but once it was in it was fine, it actually felt kind of good. I did not bleed. The main thing that you can do to make sure that it doesn't hurt so much is make sure that you are in to it and that you aren't too nervous, because when you are nervous you are tighter which makes it hurt more. The second time is even better!

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laurencsi03
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posted 11-12-2004 04:06 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for laurencsi03     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
My first time didn't hurt. My boyfriend was more worried about causing me pain than I was about feeling it.

I found that sex didn't really feel like ANYTHING until about a month or a month and a half after I started having sex. It didn't hurt, but I basically felt nothing.

If you're worried, use plenty of lubricant, go slow, and stop of you think it hurts too much. Pain is usually the body's way of telling us something is wrong. You can stop, relax, add some more lubricant, and try again.

Nothing about it should be that embarrassing if you're having sex with someone whom you're comfortable with, which is important anyway.

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Barbarosa
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posted 11-12-2004 04:54 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Barbarosa     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I am very curious, and have to ask this; why has every dancer that has posted in this thread felt that just by being a dancer their hymen would somehow be stretched? Is it a sort of dancer mythology thing that being a dancer means the hymen is somehow affected?

In most cases, doing the splits all the way should have absolutely NO impact on the hymen. The only way the hymen gets stretched is by something stretching it directly, for example by putting something in the vagina.

I am not asking to be a pill, I am just curious why this seems to be a commonly held belief. Anyone remember where they got that idea?

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JamsessionVT
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posted 11-12-2004 05:01 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for JamsessionVT     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I'm not a dancer, at least not anymore, but I know that rigorous physical activity can sometimes help in the stretching of the hymen, however, I believe your workout would have to be EXTREMELY, and I use that term very literally, rigorous in order for it to have much impact on the hymen at all.

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Miz Scarlet
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posted 11-12-2004 05:08 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Miz Scarlet     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Actually, Barbarosa, one of my cloesest friends and a longtime colleague is in the process of doing the first ever extensive history of virginity, and has read and found more current and historical information on hymens than anyone any of us know. It's pretty amazing, and exhaustive.

That said, general to very intense physical activity of various types CAN often make a difference with hymenal erosion (though it's hardly limited to dancers), which explains a lot of cultural history wherein peasants were more often, via hymen "tests," found NOT to be virgins by the state of their hymens, rather than sexual activity, and royalty were not.

In addition, puberty itself, and the rising estrogens, do slowly wear away the hymen in many women, so that plenty of women who've had no vaginal penetration can have hymens which are only partial or even completely "worn away" (to the degree they do).

But "stretching" really also isn't the right word to be used here, for a lot of reasons.

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CrimsonCriminal
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posted 11-12-2004 08:37 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for CrimsonCriminal     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
There is an another reason losing virginity hurts for some - nerves and fear. I used to be pretty athletic and used tampons for some time so I asume that my hymen went bye bye when I was around 14, but I was shaking and I was really, really, I mean, REALLY scared when I lost it, especially in the 10 minutes before it, and naturally I tightened up. It hurt like hell for the first couple of seconds because of that. Not a good start, hey? I guess it hurts people that much not only because of the hymen but because they tighten up because they expect it to hurt. When one is relaxed and aroused, it shouldn't hurt as much. To me, it was more like oh-let's-get-this-whole-loss-of-virginity-thing-over-with
-it-will-hurt-so-I-might-aswell-go-through-with-it-as-soon
-as-possible. Don't be like me.

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Miz Scarlet
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posted 11-12-2004 11:55 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Miz Scarlet     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
And the truth is, Crimson, pain is much more likely to be for reasons like that -- lack of full arousal due to worry, anxiety, fear, etc. -- than it is because of an incredibly thin membrane, which in plenty of women, is patrial to begin with and flexible enough it often won't cause pain or discomfort.

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jillybilly
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posted 11-14-2004 01:25 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for jillybilly     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
i was 15 when i lost my virginity and for me it hurt quite a bit, actually, thats all i remember, was the pain. of course i was 5'3" and 110lbs at the time and he was about 6'2" and 180lbs and he was very um..well endowed. i didnt have sex for a long time after that because i was scared of the pain but when i did start having sex again with my boyfriend, it only hurt the first time and then it didn't so i think it depends on how big the guy is and how many times youve had sex before it stops hurting. i have a friend whos had sex with her boyfriend alot, but it just stopped hurting her.

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Miz Scarlet
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posted 11-14-2004 07:42 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Miz Scarlet     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
(Actually, size often has little to do with it. Body size makes no difference, because a 4'10 man can have a larger penis and a 6'4 man a smaller one, and women of ANY body size's vaginal openings and canals are bascially just as flexible when aroused and able to comfortably accomodate *most *penis sizes when theire partners are slow and folks are communicating about depth, etc.

Again, a lot of this comes down to things like arousal, lubrication, feelings of safety, patience, and so forth.)

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Nyla
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posted 11-14-2004 11:16 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Nyla     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I had sex for the first time last week. I'm not gonna lie and say it didn't hurt - because it did. My hymen was already broken through horseriding and gymnastics and wearing a tampon. I was really worried about how much it would hurt.
My boyfriend is quite big, and it was the stretching of my pc muscles that caused the pain. We had to keep stopping coz it hurt to much, my boyf was really good about it. Bled a little after it too, wasn't embarrassing tho, just said to him "You made me bleed, you git", he was apologetic but didnt mind.

Was sore for a couple of days after. Looking back tho, the pain wasn't completely unbearable, and i'm sure everyone is different.

And from this experience i have learnt that even with the pain it can be an enjoyable experience if your with the right guy. Don't worry about first time sex, if your having doubts- you shouldnt do it, your not ready. When you are ready, youll just know, it will feel right. Don't let yourself be pressured into sex, because he want you to, or coz all your friends are doing it. Having sex with a guy wont cement your relationship, or make you stronger. Make sure you do it the first time with a guy who is with you because he simply wants to be with you, be around you, not coz he's horny any wants sex.

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CrimsonCriminal
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posted 11-14-2004 11:06 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for CrimsonCriminal     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
The above advice might seem commonsense,but common sense is not very common. Extra advice:
Everything above applied to me, but I was afraid that I would never be the same again after I did it, and I was shaking, and so was he, because I was shaking, and I made him sad because I was scared. I was the one to make the first step, and I never seen him naked before that, and he hasn't seen me naked, and I wasn't even comfortable with the idea of touhing someone else's genitalia with my hands(not talking about oral sex). He comforted me and left the room for some time to give me space to think, but we ended up doing it anyway. Don't be like me. If you're scared or uncomfortable, say no straight away. If you start feeling like a cocktease and think that you're obligated to finish what you started (like me), slap yourself on the face mentally and say what you feel like saying. DO NOT BE LIKE ME.

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OH NO! THE CRIMINAL IN CRIMSON IS OUT ON THE LOOSE! Warning: The said individual dresses in a bright red tuxedo and carries a cartoonishly large red pencil. Upon sighting a frowning person the said individual corners them and doodles all over their face. Beware.

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Miz Scarlet
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posted 11-14-2004 11:11 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Miz Scarlet     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
(Crimson, it takes serious ovaries to post something so personal about one's mistakes or errors, especially about something so personal. I've no doubt others benefit from it: that was very selfless of you.)

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Fox Lover
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posted 11-16-2004 01:02 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Fox Lover     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
my first time was amazing it was the biggest emotional ride i've ever been on... i did bleed a lil and it did hurt but once it got goin it was okay. (it's like that everytime. always hurts a lil at first. just accomidating!) i find that i actually think the pain is sweet... i am deeply in love with my boyfriend, and i could never have given it up to anyone else nor will i ever be with anyone else. it's more of a sensual way of thinking about the pain. making it seem sweet..
or maybe i'm insane but that's how i see it. we both cried our first time (his first first as well) and it just really meant alot. when done with the right person the pain doesn't even matter.

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Shann2002
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posted 11-20-2004 02:58 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Shann2002     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Well, when I first had intercourse, i had not pain at all (and I am definitely not an athlete). It's different for every woman. My friend said that it did hurt her when she had sex for the first time.

But, oh well. LUCKY ME !

The only pain i have ever experienced was when my cervix kept getting bumped. It's not really painful than uncomfy, but a little communication and acrobatal adjustment remedied the problem.

[This message has been edited by Shann2002 (edited 11-20-2004).]

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LightbrownSugar124
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posted 11-24-2004 09:06 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for LightbrownSugar124     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Just like the rest of the people said sometimes it hurts and for some it does not. For me my first time did hurt to the point which brought tears. It hurts when the guy is trying to open you up as a saying but as soon as he is in the pain seem to go away. It may hurt even after the first time it hurt for me until the third time then i relaxed and he relaxed and everything went up hill from that. But my advice to you is don't do anything until you are sure you are ready because haveing sex is a very big step.

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marcymarcy
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posted 12-11-2004 02:18 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for marcymarcy     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
right now I am facing a problem - my boyfriend and i have spent the past two fridays trying to get past my virginity and no matter what we do, it hurts too much to completely break through the hymen. I am totally comfortable with him and absolutely crazy about him as well and he is the same way (and has been incredibly patient and sweet and nonforceful about the whole thing). I think maybe it is a combination of my muscles tightening and from rarely using tampons... but either way, he gets partway in and it just hurts so much that he has to stop. I was considering maybe taking a muscle relaxer so that there are less factors adding to the pain... but it is bad, really really bad. And I am somewhat fed up (though I am not rushing it, really) because my mind wants to do this so badly yet there is this one tiny thing standing in my way. gah!

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logic_grrl
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posted 12-11-2004 07:46 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for logic_grrl     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
First of all: are you fully aroused and relaxed before trying penetration, and are you using lots of lube? Those are essentials.

If you are, and you're still getting this amount of pain, then it's time to consult a gyno (which you should be doing regularly anyway). It may be that you have an unusually tough hymen which needs to be snipped under local anaesthetic, or that there's some othet physical problem that needs to be dealt with.

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summergoddess
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posted 12-11-2004 10:55 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for summergoddess     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
It depends on each individual. Some will hurt the first time where others will not experience no hurting.

It did not hurt for the first time I had sex or any of the times I've engaged in sex to date.

However, my hymen was torn months before i had intercourse and it was through oral sex . I was sore for two days.

Jules

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~Jules

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allyson9696
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posted 12-12-2004 09:57 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for allyson9696     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
It didnt hurt me. And you can trust me on that. I lost it yesterday. I always heard it had hurt and it didn't hurt me at all. It all depends on the person.

And oh yea to the chick that started this topic. I've been a dancer for all my life too. So who knows? That could have something to do with it.

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~I'll Never Get Tired Of The Taste Of Your Mouth~

-Allyson!!

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Eledamris
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posted 01-06-2005 01:20 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Eledamris     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hi, I'm a guy who is fairly experienced sexually. However, my current girlfriend, who I have plans to marry, is a virgin. We've tried sex but she winces in pain and says it hurts too badly. Also, her legs are involuntarily pushing me out as a reflex to the pain. Please give me some advice as you seem to have a great wealth of information on this subject.

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Gumdrop Girl
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posted 01-06-2005 01:46 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Gumdrop Girl     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
well, Eledamris, I hope you've been reading though this thread. I hope you have also read this: http://www.scarleteen.com/sexuality/firsttime.html

get BOTH water-based lube and condoms. the lube eases penetration. Astroglide is great. KY liquid is easy to find. drug stores stock lube next to the condoms. also, spend plenty of time making her comfortable and sexually aroused, otherwise, she's just going to tense up again.

------------------
LA County STD Hotline 1.800.758.0880
Toll free STD and clinic information, and condoms sent to your door for Los Angeles County residents.
1 in 3 sexually active people will be exposed to a STD by the time they turn 24.

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x_costume_x
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posted 02-22-2005 01:04 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for x_costume_x     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Me & my boyfiend spent all of last friday night & saturday morning together and it was the closed I'd been to a guy before and vise versa, and we really felt comfortable with each other and got really turned on. And since then we've decided to lose it to each other next time we're alone like that. But I'm really scared incase it'll hurt and I'll bleed, he's not like presurising me into it or anything because hes sayin that it might hurt me and he doesnt want to hurt me so I've got to be sure I want to do it, which I do but is there anyways I can stop it hurtin as much?

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kmarie
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posted 01-06-2006 10:59 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for kmarie     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
i lost my virginity when i was 15 (now 21) and to be honest, it didnt exactly hurt, it just felt like a burning sensation.

all my mates told me that i would bleed but i didnt at all

the first few times me and my partner did it it did sting a little but after that it didnt hurt at all.

i think it hurt so much the first time because i was tensing up alot and that didnt help and also the fact that we didnt use any lubricant (which you shouldnt have to use anyway) because if your aroused enough it should be okay

hope this info helps

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sillyhavoc
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posted 01-06-2006 07:38 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for sillyhavoc     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
My first time did hurt, but it wasn't a whole lot. Getting a bad scratch hurts more. I thought it would be a lot worse for me, as I've been told I am very small down there and I still had alot of physoclogical hang ups about sex. The pain was more just uncomfortable, but it was enough so that we had to keep trying for a little while before having full on intercourse, but once I overcame it was pretty much gone for good. And sex proved to be well worth the work I'd put into overcoming the pain...both in pleasure and in intamcy.

Most of the pain just comes from being nervous about it, and not being aroused enough.

Oddly enough I didn't bleed until almost three months after I first started having sex. Not sure why that was, I'd never heard of that before, but we didn't think much on it.

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Beppie
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posted 01-06-2006 09:01 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Beppie     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by kmarie:
i think it hurt so much the first time because i was tensing up alot and that didnt help and also the fact that we didnt use any lubricant (which you shouldnt have to use anyway) because if your aroused enough it should be okay

While the vagina can produce enough lubrication to facilitate painless intercourse, it does not produce enough to use a condom safely, without significant risk of tearing. As condoms are an important part of STD protection, lube is absolutely necessary even when a woman is fully aroused. Furthermore, the amount of lubrication that a woman produces varies all the time, depending on the woman, the time in her cycle etc. It is possible for a woman to feel very aroused, but to still want a little lube to make any sort of penetration more comfortable.

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mix_tape
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posted 01-07-2006 11:54 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for mix_tape     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I lost my virginity about a week ago to my wonderful boyfriend. We have been dating for about 7 months and we know how each other respond to certain things, which makes sex a lot easier. Communication is a very good thing. My first time hurt because I was not turned on enough. We had to stop and go the whole time. After discovering on this site that being turned on helped, my second time was A WHOLE LOT BETTER. It was amazing. I also bled a little too, which was not embarassing because my boyfriend understood. In fact, I think he kinda wanted to "pop my cherry." I guess the main thing is being fully aroused, for me having an orgasm before helps even more.

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ariesdiva
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posted 01-07-2006 11:58 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for ariesdiva     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
it didnt hurt that bad for me. there was some moderate pain for about 5 seconds, then i was ok

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PinkPenguin06
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posted 01-08-2006 07:58 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for PinkPenguin06     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I was not that worried about my first time until I read this thread, and now I'm starting to be very worried. I was planning to do it on Tuesday, however now I'm having second thoughts if there is much pain that goes along with it. Also, I didn't buy lube and it sounds like that is pretty necessary to limit the pain, so I should probably get that first, right?

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Miz Scarlet
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posted 01-08-2006 08:34 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Miz Scarlet     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Check this out, it'll be of help to you in knowing what you need to be prepared, and what you should evaluate to really determine your own preparedness: Ready or Not? The Readiness Checklist.

You might also find these helpful:
Yield for Pleasure (or, why chilling out with intercourse can improve your sex life)
Is that all there is? A memoir of first time sex 17 years in the making

And remember: you always get to change your mind. If getting more in touch with the reality of this stuff makes you feel like maybe Tuesday is too soon for you, or like you'd like more time to consider evrything, that should NEVER be a problem with a partner.

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daria319
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posted 01-09-2006 10:36 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for daria319     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I'm of small build, and trust me, that has virtually no effect on sex. Well, unless you're with somebody who's 7ft tall and 400 pounds, but I think that would be awkward for most people..(Big differences in height tend to make even kissing awkward, don't they?)

Anyway, if you're actually ready(calm, aroused, etc) it doesn't really hurt. It may feel strange or a little uncomfortable, but pain shouldn't really be a problem.

I only felt a little discomfort, and I didn't bleed at all.

I've always been physically active (climbing trees, dancing, playing Dance Dance Revolution, running, etc) , so I'm partially convinced that being in shape and healthy helps out when it comes to sex.

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squirtgunheat
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posted 01-15-2006 01:27 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for squirtgunheat     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I waited until just a couple months ago to lose my virginity [I'm 18], and it didn't hurt at all. My boyfriend is pretty well-endowed also. However, I did bleed quite a bit, and it stung the first time I peed afterwards. Trust me, though, I had the same worry you did, and everything turned out perfectly fine.

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