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Author Topic:   So you're having a baby ...
LilBlueSmurf
Sexpert

Posts: 5209
From: Belleville, Ontario, Canada
Registered: Sep 2000

posted 03-07-2001 08:56 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for LilBlueSmurf     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Well no, i'm not, but i couldn't think of a better subject title.

I was thinking about this on my 2hr car ride to Toronto (moms house) ... And I remembered a "discussion" my bf and I had about what would happen should WE get pregnant and such.

So we had the 'we should be more careful' talk, b/c we're really not. At least i can admit when i'm irresponsible (In no way does a good lil scarleteen advocate say not to use contraceptives ... that's not what i'm saying)

How do you discuss it? How can you discuss the possibilities w/o "borrowing trouble"? You have to talk about it. You can't just be sexually active and not know, at least in your own heads, what could happen if you're not careful 100% of the time.

What's a good way to bring up the topic? Any ideas ... ?? Or should it be one of those things you know can happen but you just don't talk about it ... To save yourself from getting into useless fights w/ your partner??

Your thoughts?

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emsily0
Advocate

Posts: 786
From: Washington, DC
Registered: Dec 2000

posted 03-07-2001 10:38 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for emsily0     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
actually...we just discussed this very topic the other night, because we hadn't really ever before. i'm on the pill and we use condoms - it just didn't seem like a very distinct possibility that i would get pregnant. so we didn't talk about it really.

but the other night, we were sort of getting into a fight anyway, so i figured i would send it in another direction by bringing up the pregnancy thing. i just said "what would we do if i got pregnant?"

heh heh. i like catching him off guard.

he said "it would be up to you. i would support you."...i'm glad we discussed it. but i'm even more glad i'm on the pill, and that he's good about condoms.

em

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Lin
Activist

Posts: 2294
From: Singapore
Registered: Dec 2000

posted 03-08-2001 09:45 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lin     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
We talked about this a very long time ago when basically the chances of me getting pregnant was 99%.

And we agreed that we probably wouldn't have the child but he would be there for me.

Now that we are being much much safer, we haven't really talked about it.

Great topic to bring up when I see him tomorrow.

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Aria51
Advocate

Posts: 1279
From: Mexico, Missouri
Registered: Jul 2000

posted 03-08-2001 06:03 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Aria51     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I didn't have much of a choice about how to bring it up to my fiance, since i was already pregnant when we got together as a couple But then after Evan was born, while I was still in the hospital actually, we decided that until I move out of my parents' house and we can better support ourselves, we aren't having any more babies. We've given it a lot (a LOT) of thought, and we just recently made the decision that if I were to get pregnant right this second, I'd have an abortion. As heartbreaking as that is, especially because I do so miss being pregnant and want to actually have a birthing experience I can feel good and -remember-, it's the best thing we can do because I need to focus my energies on Evan right now.

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I have a hideous, hideous secret...
you see, when the full moon shines, I undergo terrifying changes... My skin gets hard and stiff... shingles grow on top of my head... I turn into... a house.

That's right... I'm a werehouse.

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Gumdrop Girl
Sexpert

Posts: 11271
From: Los Angeles, CA ... somewhere off the 10
Registered: Jul 2000

posted 03-08-2001 08:16 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Gumdrop Girl     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
as not nice as this is, i told my adamantly pro-life boyfriend that i'd terminate. it probably wasn't the best way to go about it, but i have this tendency to use scare tactics.

we're careful. there's a new box of Durex Extra Sensitives in my lap right now. i take my Pill every night. We got checked. He's clean. I'm clean.

but really, i don't think i would abort. i can't do something like that. i'd feel guilty. i'd think about it for the rest of my life. and it would be his baby, too. but i said it to scare him so that he wouldn't be careless.

we've discussed it more in depth a while back and he basically addressed the same concerns. he said he'd feel guilty and upset. his religious beliefs tell him it's the wrong thing to do (this is not my opinion, it's my boyfriend's), et cetera.

but i figure as long as we play it safe -- condoms and Pills -- there won't be anything to worry about.

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Kill your TV! And while you're at it, your mobile phone, too.

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Alaska
Sexpert

Posts: 4499
From: mad(e) in Germany
Registered: Nov 2000

posted 03-09-2001 01:12 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Alaska     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Well, well, a few weeks ago, we had a little pregnancy scare, and we hence discussed the whole things once again. I always knew he was pro-choice and he always knew I was; and we always knew that a child wouldn't be right in our life plans at this very moment, but our recent scare showed that I probabl would NOT abort if we were to get pregnant right now. I jsut couldn't. I am planning to spend the rest of my life with this guy; have children with him at one point. I don't think I could justify it for myself. He knows it, and he's fine with it. But we're careful and all the sex you can have over 16.409km is pretty safe anyway.

As to how to bring the topic up, we talk about sex all the time, and pregnancy just comes up from time to time, naturally. And we talk about it and discuss it and know where we stand and it's all well. Really not worrisome anymore.

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foxfire
Activist

Posts: 107
From: Washington
Registered: Jun 2002

posted 08-20-2002 12:27 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for foxfire     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
We talked about it before we even started having sex. I knew that right now if I got pregnant I would have a lot of trouble getting an abortion because of where I live. We discussed that no matter what if I needed to I could live with him and that he would support any descion I made. I have always wanted a baby and often think about how neat it would be to have one but just a while back I thought I was pregnant but unlike Alaska I knew that if I was I would ahve an abortion. The thought of totally depending on his family and everything that entailed I couldnt go through with it. Reading the abortion article really sealed my thoughts and I decided if I was pregnant I get a abortion. The next day I began my period. whew

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fairie
Activist

Posts: 101
From:
Registered: Jul 2002

posted 08-20-2002 04:47 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for fairie     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Me and my boyfriend discussed this topic a couple of months ago, the day before I went to the doctor for my birth control. He promised that he'd stay with me and support me. (someone told me that he wouldn't, but then I found out that she liked him and that she had a tendancy to lie) anyways...he said that everything would be up to me although he wouldn't want it aborted or given up for adoption.I love him and know for a fact he'd stay with me, and love me. But ever since then we've been much more cautious.

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Live,Laugh,Love

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Scorpio
Activist

Posts: 83
From: Washington
Registered: Jun 2001

posted 08-20-2002 06:50 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Scorpio     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
This was actually a recent topic of conversation between my boyfriend and I. We talked about what would happen if i was to get pregnant. I know i would deeply consider whatever his opinion was. I wouldn't just disregard anything he had to say cause this would be his kid too. I think right now, at this point in my life that abortion would be my choice.

Edited cause i can't spell!

[This message has been edited by Scorpio (edited 01-22-2003).]

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Shenzie2007
Activist

Posts: 73
From: dallas, texas, usa
Registered: Jul 2002

posted 08-21-2002 04:32 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Shenzie2007     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Heh. I brought this up a while ago, and... if either of us were were to get pregnant, it'd be pretty wierd, considering that:

1. We're both female.
2. She lives in the Midwest, I live in the Southwest.
3. We're both monogamous, as far as I know.

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