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Author Topic:   Can a gay guy like a straight girl?!
crazybabe313
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Posts: 13
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Registered: Dec 2005

posted 12-31-2005 01:53 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for crazybabe313     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Okay i'm sorry this is kinda long but here goes: My best friend who is gay has a bf that i met and have become good friends with the past year. He says things to me like "i've always been attracted to mixed girls, etc" and "I don't know why i made out with her---maybe i was trying to be straight, but i kinda liked it too" so anyways he's kinda flirty with me but i dont know is it possible for a gay (or maybe bisexual--he's kinda wishy-washy) guy to possibly like me (a straight girl)especially if he has given anal to his bf. He gives off this vibe i can't explain that maybe he likes me but then again it could all be in my head (because i like him....desperatly!) What should i do? Be direct and ask him or let him come to me? My best friend talks about how all the time the bf (my crush) just doesn't seem that "into it". What should i do? PLEASE HELP and give me a peace of mind!!!!

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Miz Scarlet
Sexpert

Posts: 19846
From: Minneapolis
Registered: May 2000

posted 12-31-2005 12:49 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Miz Scarlet     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
You know, statistically VERY few people in the world are 100% heterosexual or 100% homosexual. Nearly all people fall somewhere in between. And young people tend to be a little more flexible than most because they're still just starting to feel out what their sexual identity is.

So, yes: it's possible for someone who ID's as gay to have some opposite-sex attraction. (And having had anal sex doesn't change this: plenty of straight men enjoy anal sex after all, and plety of gay men do not.)

However, the bigger issue here is that, unless I'm misunderstanding, your best friend is dating him. Crushes come and go: best friends don't. The guy is taken, and with your closest friend no less, so into it or not, so long as they're together, it'd be pretty disrespectful and disloyal for you to pursue him in any way.

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crazybabe313
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posted 12-31-2005 06:00 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for crazybabe313     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Thank you! I appreciate your input it was EXTREMELY helpful. And yes i will not butt into my best friends relationship that would be wrong. Again, thank you and this site rocks!

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BoundByScarves
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posted 12-31-2005 06:01 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for BoundByScarves     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I think it's definatly possible. Most of the guys who "hit" on me (i.e. ask for my phone number, flirt, want to kiss me) are gay guys. I was told by one guy that I "had gay guy vibe" and another once told me, "he'd make an exception for me". My first boyfriend was gay too. I had met him when he was dating this other guy, then they broke up, and about 5 months later we hooked up. When he asked me to be his girlfriend I said, "Aren't you gay?" and he said, "Does that matter?" It was short lived, but it happened.

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crazybabe313
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posted 12-31-2005 06:05 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for crazybabe313     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Really? That's crazy! Well i know that my crush has made out with other girls, and has slept with one other guy, i just wanted to know if the fact that he has "come out" to his brother made a difference of whether he was "really" gay or not. Like, once you make the decision there is no turning back because it's like "Crap i already told people i was gay" you know?

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BoundByScarves
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posted 12-31-2005 10:56 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for BoundByScarves     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I think alot of gay people believe there's no turning back, but I think there is. It just seems sad to me that someone would deny themselves love just because they've already decided on being gay or straight and they don't think they can change their minds.

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Miz Scarlet
Sexpert

Posts: 19846
From: Minneapolis
Registered: May 2000

posted 12-31-2005 11:39 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Miz Scarlet     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Well, to give you an alternate perspective on that, Bound, it's often a lot more complex than it looks, on both sides.

For instance, it's rarely about just deciding on one IDs as gay or straight, or as wanting one set of genitals.

A lot of queer people who get used to living outside heterosexist or heteronormative dynamics, for instance -- and I've had this experience recently myself -- may simply really not want to go back to those dynamics, or have to wait a long time for a straight partner to try and shrug them off, do a lot of a sort of "educating," a lot of helping people who ONLY have heteronormative patterns through the long process of examining, seeing, analyzing, altering those, too.

On the hetero side, many people simply enjoy too much heteroprivilege to see it as a good trade. In another respect, they may see it as a choice they have to make between having the love of a partner OR of their friends and family, who may reject them on that principle. In other words, they may see it as either way, there is someone's love they're not going to get. They simply may not feel resilient enough to lead a life with a same-sex partner, because often, it is REALLY hard in this culture, and really hard on a relationship.

The above things are a bit more likely with adults with a good deal of history and experience, but the same basics also often apply to younger people.

In a word, whether or not there is "turning back" isn't something we can generalize about, because these situations differ greatly among individuals, and until one's really walked in those shoes, one can't really speak for anyone else in this regard.

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alwaysinlove
Neophyte

Posts: 2
From: Auburn,WA,USA
Registered: Jan 2006

posted 01-15-2006 06:46 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for alwaysinlove     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Omg...I am so happy that someone else is going through something similar.
Recently, as in a few days ago, my best friend, an amazingly attractive guy who i realized about a month ago i was in love with, told me that he was gay, and has been since he was 10. i am in still in shock, shocked that its really true, that its happened to me...and that i never even saw it coming. i dont know how to even begin to deal with it, i dont want to deal with it because i love him. :[ i need help, advice anything at all on how to deal with this...its so hard, so hard.

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crazybabe313
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posted 01-17-2006 04:08 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for crazybabe313     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
wow i guess it is a small world after all. Honestly i'm so glad you understand what i'm going through to a realer extent. That sucks about your best friend. And i know i am very good friends with my gay guy too and there are times when i am overwhelmed with feelings so intense i just want to curl up in a ball and cry all day. I'm almost asking YOU for advice, but the only thing i can tell you (and this is someone who is living in the same dilemna as you) is honestly you are gonna have to let him come to you. It sucks, i know (i've been waiting for 5 months and still nothing) but telling him your feelings could seriously be the biggest mistake you will ever make. It could really push him away, especially since he felt close enough to tell you he was gay, then suddenly confessing your true feelings toward him? That would be a disastor! Especially at this crucial part of his life when is just now accepting his orientation. The hard part is waiting, but the harder part is realizing that he may in fact really be gay. If he is, there's nothing to wait around for, and that will be heartbreaking. Give him time. If, after a while, he begins to show interests in both sexes, it will be cool to tell him how you feel, but if he hasn't wavered and it begins to look as if he never will, accept it and move on. (easy to say, hard to do trust me i understand). And, if you are close enough and you know he is "fully" gay, then it might not hurt to tell him anyway, not in the hopes of "getting something" out of it, but to release your feelings to him for your own peace of mind. That's just my opinion but like i said i'm in the same boat so i know this advice is definitely not music to your ears. Write back with your response

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