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Author Topic:   I Can't Tell
powerfulone1987
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From: United States of America
Registered: Oct 2004

posted 10-02-2004 04:05 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for powerfulone1987     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I have finally come to turns with my sexuality and admitted to myself that I am a bisexual, but I still have not come out with it and do not ever plan too. But I am sure if I ever get into a relationship with another boy,(which I have never done),they will find out. Well the reason I have never been with another boy is because I can't tell if they are bisexual/gay or not. And I can't take the chance of exposing myself. So what do I do. Are there any signs I can look for. Generally the boys that I am attracted to are your typical boys. They like sports and they are cut and they do boy thinks, and you wouldn't think of them as a bisexual or gay. So I need help in how to find out if a boy is into me or not, without giving my sexuality away, please help me.

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Miz Scarlet
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posted 10-02-2004 04:15 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Miz Scarlet     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
A few things for you to start with:

1) Those of us who are gay and queer can and do do just as many "boy" things and "girl" things as others. Sexual identity and gender identity are two different things, and plenty of queer people have a prototypical or normative (call it "stright-acting" if you really want, though, ugh on that term) gender ID.

2) For the most part, the issue no matter your orientation isn't whether someone is or isn't your orientation, but whether or not they're interested in YOU particularly, when you're talking about seeking out partners.

3)...and you just can't really do that and be completely in the closet. Not only is it a real drag to date someone totally in the closet, but you do have to sep out to take the normal risks with any sort of dating. If you sit around waiting and waiting for someone to come to you, it's generally going to be an awfully long wait. And a life in the closet forever is seriously no kind of life.

So, rather than seeking out dates first, seeking out some community, a support group, what have you, may be a much smarter move.

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powerfulone1987
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posted 10-03-2004 01:50 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for powerfulone1987     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Thanks for the advice. But I really have no time to wait, and I doubt I will ever go to a support group, no never. And plus this is my senior year and I don't have much time. I love this person. I would go to the college that that person is going to just to be near them and have more time and more chances of getting together. I am a sad case.

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Londongirl
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posted 10-03-2004 06:15 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Londongirl     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I don't think you can have it both ways here. There is no way you can find out if this person is attracted to you without asking him, or possibly hearing it from someone he has confided in if he IS interested.

It is your right not to be an "out" bisexual if that is what you want, but it makes it very unlikely you will ever find out if this boy is attracted to you if you don't at least tell him. There are no reliable "signs" that someone is interested in same sex partners, you can only reliably know this from the person telling you, or being "out".

------------------
Londongirl
Thirtysomething and not actually counting
Who the **** is Londongirl?

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Miz Scarlet
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posted 10-03-2004 10:19 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Miz Scarlet     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
You know, even ifth this person IS a possibility, you're saying some conflicting things here.

Mainly, that you love him, when apparently, you don't even know him very well. Crushes and love really aren't the same thing. They just aren't.

Moreover, if you really DID love this person, and you two DID maage to get together, you forever being in the closet, insisting your relationship be, essentialy, a dirty secret, would be a pretty lousy way of treating someone you love.

Now and then, we're presented with opportunities we're not ready for in our lives. I don't know if there is opportunity for you with this person, but if there is, it sounds pretty clearly like before you'd be ready for it, you've got your own work to do, buddy.

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powerfulone1987
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posted 10-03-2004 11:52 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for powerfulone1987     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
He's not a stranger I know him well. And we'd hang with the same people and be around each other, so i know him. And we'd speak to each other. So it's not like I started off loving, him. I eventually started to like him and then love him after I got to know him, because before i knew him well, i would see him in the halls and not know who he was and I wouldn't feel the way I feel now. We use to have intense eye contact, i love that. At least it was to me. I would be daydreaming and look up to see him staring at me straight in the eye. I could never keep the eye contact going for long, I'd look away cause I'd feel this spark and I'd feel nervous, but i love the sensation/feeling I got when we were in those moments. I think most of the time I looked away first. I have loved him for 3 years going on 4. It has to mean something.

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Miz Scarlet
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posted 10-03-2004 01:00 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Miz Scarlet     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Well after three or four years of being close, it's pretty amazing that neither of you have come out to one another if you and/or he are gay or bisexual.

In other words, somebody has to take the first step here. Again, I'd personally say that until you're ready to be at least out to SOMEONE other than a lover, it's really not a good idea to start dating. I know that you couldn't pay me enough money to date someone who isn't out: it just feels much too crappy.

But if you're hell bent on this regardless, looks like you're going to have to be the one to put this out there. There's no such things, honey, as risk-free love relationships, not for anyone.

If you're not willing to do that, either, then you either wait indefinitely for him to do so if he is in fact interested, or you let this go.

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powerfulone1987
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posted 10-03-2004 10:21 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for powerfulone1987     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Well I guess you are right. I doubt I will ever have the courage to come out to him first, with the fear of being rejected and then everybody finding out. And if this doesn't work out, i strongly doubt i will find somebody like him and feel the same way, and if i do find somebody, i am afraid i will still think about hime while in the relationship and feel some regret and some guilt for thinking about him while in a relationship with another person. Plus we don't even have classes together this year, so that's another thing against me. Well, thanks for you advice/help everybody.

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powerfulone1987
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From: United States of America
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posted 10-05-2004 09:44 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for powerfulone1987     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Today I caught him looking at me a couple times in lunch! I hope that means something. I still haven't got the nerve to start a conversation with him this year, because of lack of something to talk about, but I am pretty close to starting a conversation with him. When I caught him looking at me, he quickly looked away. What does that mean. Of course this could all mean nothing and I am just setting myself up for dissapointment, but I have to hope, it's the only thing that I have left. I am going to make a promise to myself to talk to him tomorrow, so now I have too, no turning back. I am excited everytime I see him and have a chance to talk to him and I start to but afraid I will look/sound like a fool. And I get nervous when the time comes. I have social anxiety. Well I have set my goal. I will tell yall how it went tomorrow. Wish me luck.

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powerfulone1987
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posted 10-07-2004 12:42 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for powerfulone1987     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I have some bad news. Because of things out of my hands, it wasn't my choice, I didn't get the opportunity to talk to him today, but I will definitely will tomorrow, if I get the opportunity. I am so nervous,lol.

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powerfulone1987
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posted 10-08-2004 09:33 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for powerfulone1987     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
God! It's as if as soon as I decide that I am going to talk to this person, the opportunity never comes up again, cause as yall know, I have no classes with him this year, so I only have a REAL chance to talk to him in lunch, but he hasn't been around me lately at lunch even though I have seen him from afar(lol)looking at me(even in the parking lot and his parking spot is 2 rows over). So hopefully he will be next to me this upcoming week. I can't just chase him down and seem needy and start talking to him, I have to make it seem casual. Plus I just got this job at a restaurant, so hopefully he comes to this restaurant often and then that's more opportunity to talk/see/interact/be around him.

[This message has been edited by powerfulone1987 (edited 10-08-2004).]

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spinnersis
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posted 10-09-2004 12:56 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for spinnersis     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Why don't you just go up to him and say, "Hey, I haven't gotten to talk to you for a while. How've you been?" There's nothing needy about that.

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powerfulone1987
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From: United States of America
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posted 10-10-2004 01:16 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for powerfulone1987     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Wow,lol, that's such an obvious approach. Why didn't I think of that. I will try and incorporate that into my approach. Thanks a lot.

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powerfulone1987
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posted 10-27-2004 03:34 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for powerfulone1987     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I also left out, because I forgot and recently heard about it again the other day how the boy that I like, has a lot of sex. I don't know why, because he is better than that and has had relationships that have lasted a while, not like a year or anything, but a while, and he didn't go around cheating or nothing, so he has control. Maybe it's an addiction or a problem or maybe he just feels that since he is not in a relationship or none of his has worked that having lots of sex is the right thing to do or it makes him feel better. How should I feel about him now, since he gets around a lot. When I continue to hear things like this about him, I still feel the same, like it doesn't matter and I know it does cause if we did get together and did stuff I could catch something from him if he has anything. I mean he does it to random people that he won't even remember in a year or so, and he don't even talk to when he see them, and last year he had sex with one of his good buddys girlfriend when he went away to college, I couldn' believe it. And the girl and him are still friends and talk and stuff, but she does still go with her original boyfriend. I was in shock when I heard this, I didn't know that he would go that far. He seems so better than that, he even won King at our Homecoming the other night along with another boy. We had a tie, isn't that weird. I don't know what to think. I still love him and even though it's wrong, if he were to come across me and ask to do something even for one night I would. Please let me know what yall think. Believe me he is way better than all of this, don't judge him by just this. I don't really know if he does drugs but he's a good athlete. And almost everybody in the school likes him, he's the all around person, not everybody knows how he is though, maybe that's why, well I don't know. Thanks for yalls input.

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"Do unto others as you want others to do unto you"

Anybody recognize that from anywhere? Well it's said for a reason so do it.

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ookuotoe
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Posts: 2548
From: Na-tah-ka, MI, US
Registered: Sep 2001

posted 10-30-2004 12:53 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for ookuotoe     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
First, basing your opinions on someone on rumors rarely does anyone any good. I'm not sure where or how you heard anything but try to make sure your information is credible before giving it a lot of weight.

Second, it's not okay to make judgments like being "better than that" when it comes to having sex, or anything really. People are allowed to make their own choices and shouldn't have to deal with people imposing their personal values on their actions.

It sounds like you need to rethink your own values and make them more concrete, preferably before you enter any sort of relationship. You don't seem to approve of casual sex at all but you also said that you would "do something even for one night" if given the opportunity. That's a great way to wind up hurt; violating your own morals is never a good idea.

Hon, the more you talk about this guy the less I think this is a good thing to pursue. Neither of you are openly gay, it sounds like you have conflicting values, and you seem willing to take big emotional risks. I'd hold off on a relationship until you're more ready and then try to find someone more compatible.

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ookuotoe
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From: Na-tah-ka, MI, US
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posted 10-30-2004 01:02 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for ookuotoe     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by powerfulone1987:
if we did get together and did stuff I could catch something from him if he has anything.

Sorry, forgot to address this in the first post.

While multiple partners does up the chances of being exposed to an STD/STI, using condoms drastically decreases the odds of transmitting viruses or bacteria.

In addition to condoms it's also smart to get regular STD/STI screens. So, if you're ever uncomfortable with the risks of sex it's perfectly okay to insist on mutual screenings before you become sexually active with your partner and then practicing safer sex once you are.

Not only is this a good idea for a partner who hasn't been keeping up with safer sex practices but it's well worth doing every time with every partner.

[This message has been edited by ookuotoe (edited 10-30-2004).]

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powerfulone1987
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posted 10-30-2004 01:15 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for powerfulone1987     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Thanks for your input.

By the way, why did you say that the more I talk about him, the more you think it's not good for me to pursue him?

------------------
"Do unto others as you want others to do unto you"

Anybody recognize that from anywhere? Well it's said for a reason so do it.

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ookuotoe
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posted 10-30-2004 03:09 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for ookuotoe     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
In your first few posts the major problems were neither of you are out and you're not really communicating with each other. Definitely not the way to start a relationship. In your last post it sounds like you have conflicting senses of ethics. That doesn't have to be a bad thing but it does sound like it would create problems in a relationship.

I'm not trying to imply that he's a bad person or that you shouldn't be friends or anything like that; but, from what I'm reading, a sexual or romantic relationship doesn't sound like a good idea. Not only that but it doesn't sound like you're really ready for a relationship just now and it sounds like neither of you are ready for a homosexual relationship. In short I just don't see much compatibility here.

Did I answer your question?

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powerfulone1987
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posted 10-31-2004 12:45 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for powerfulone1987     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Yes you did answer my question, thanks.

I am really sorry that you feel that way.
I mean just thinking about him or seeing him in school makes me feel good. But maybe you're right, I don't know.

We did have one class together , but only for one day, cause my schedule was messed up and I had to get it fixed and by doing that, i lost my class with him even though I tried to keep it, I was so depressed. I cried when i got home ,cause we haven't had classes together since the 8th grade, which is when I started to liking him. We had classes together for almost every period, it was mad crazy, I like it a lot, I miss them. We did have lunch together our 9th grade year and we set at the same table and that was good, cause we still interacted with each other and still delt with each other, but for 10 and 11 grade we had nothing to do with each other. He did speak to me one time out of the blue, I was so suprised cause I thought that we had lost contact to the extent that he didn't feel comfortable talking to me, but he talked to me as if the talked to me every day, that made me feel real good. Oh yeah! Also we both were in band until i quit my 11th year. So when we went to band events we hang with the same crowd so, that was more intercation, but I should say one thing. I have social phobia/anxiety, so I didn't put forth the effort to talk to him as much as I should have , so that seperated us a little more, I hate my social phobia, it limits me in so many areas, like walking up and just talking to him. But yeah, during the trips we delt with each other some, a little bit. Like one year when we went to Miami Florida, or maybe it was somewhere in in North or South Carolina, anyway, when were there, he needed some black pants cause he didn't his, and guess who he borrowed some from, me! I felt so good. I felt as if it must have meant something for things to come, like it had to have happened for reason. So he borrowed my pants, and it felt so good to know that he was wearing my pants and that we still were cool with each other to the extent where he would ask to borrow them and feel comfortable wearing them, even though we didn't have much interaction as we used to. And one time on a band trip in one of those places, he commented on a suit I was wearing, and how it looked good.He did the same thing in 8th grade on our graduation day, from graduating from middle school to high school (he also shaked my hand, felt so good).And this year, our last year in school, we finally have some time in school together since 9th grade,LUCNH!. But I don't sit at the table he sits at. I am so depressed over that cause I want to. The only reason I dont, which will probably sound dumb, but the reason is: my little sister who just moved up to the high school, 9th grade, sits at a table right beside his, and I don't like being around her and she all up in my business and maybe hearing something or hear me say something and then go home and tell my mom or anything like that. By the way, the way that my sister is seated, she has a full view of the table and can see everything. And I hate when she's all up in my face in business and can hear everything in my conversation and see everything I do, and hear everything that I hear or is said to me. I guess you have to live in my shoes, I don't know, but I just hate it when she is all up in my life,business. I hope that's not to confusing for you to understand. So yeah, I am really bumbed about that. So I have missed three opportunities to be involved with this boy: Band (I quit), Class (schedule switched), and Lunch (nosey sister).

I know I kind of sidetracked from what I was talking about in the beginning, but please don't forget what I said in the beginning and respond to it please, thanks.

P.S. Did you really read all of my messages from the beginning?

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"Do unto others as you want others to do unto you"

Anybody recognize that from anywhere? Well it's said for a reason so do it.

[This message has been edited by powerfulone1987 (edited 10-31-2004).]

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logic_grrl
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posted 10-31-2004 03:57 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for logic_grrl     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
I mean just thinking about him or seeing him in school makes me feel good.

As a practical point: judging by what you've said so far, you don't have any evidence that he may be gay or bisexual, let alone interested in a relationship with you.

So building up your hopes for such a relationship may not be realistic or helpful for you in the long run.

Sadly, having a crush on someone doesn't guarantee that they'll feel the same way about you.

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powerfulone1987
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posted 10-31-2004 03:11 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for powerfulone1987     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Yeah, I know, that's exactly what I am worried about.

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"Do unto others as you want others to do unto you"

Anybody recognize that from anywhere? Well it's said for a reason so do it.

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powerfulone1987
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posted 11-26-2004 08:27 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for powerfulone1987     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
How can I prepare myself for the let down I may face. I have tried and I just can't change the way I feel, and I know that I need to be ready in case nothing happens so that it won't be such a crash for me, but I don't know how.

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"Do unto others as you want others to do unto you"

Anybody recognize that from anywhere? Well it's said for a reason so do it.

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powerfulone1987
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posted 03-09-2005 06:32 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for powerfulone1987     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Long time, no speak. Well because of some technically difficulties with my phone line, I have not been connected online with my home computer since last November, whoa, if i last November that I would have to wait this long to connect online with my computer, I would hang myself,lol, just kidding, but I am so happy.

I am hoping that some of you remember my dilemma. Well, some of you will be happy to know that I realize that what I feel for that boy may not be love, just a strong physical attractiong, like all teens have. Well I was 17 then and I am 18 now, whoa again!lol. Well I do still feel strong for him, but I realize that it probably isn't love and nothing will probably ever happen, so I am not stressing over him as much and putting forth any effort, if it happens it happens and if it doesn't, there are plenty of other fish in the sea, besides, he does get around a lot like I said, and I don't want anybody like that, that is the exact opposite from me, I am still a virgin. Whoa. I believe that is my first time admitting that to yall, well there ya go,I am still a virgin. Yeah I am kind of ashamed of that, but it's me. I will be going off to college this fall and I am having conflicting thoughts. As I said I am bisexual. And I don't know what feelings I should act on. Boys? Girls? Both? I want to make myself go for just the girls, I am a boy by the way just so yall know. I want to have a regular life and if I do get involved seriously, I want it to be with a girl and maybe even have a wife. But i still feel a strong attraction to boys. So I am very confused. I do not know what to do........

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"Do unto others as you want others to do unto you"

Anybody recognize that from anywhere? Well it's said for a reason so do it.

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powerfulone1987
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posted 04-15-2005 08:19 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for powerfulone1987     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Does anybody have any helpful input for me?

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"Do unto others as you want others to do unto you"

Anybody recognize that from anywhere? Well it's said for a reason so do it.

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lizenny
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posted 04-15-2005 10:32 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for lizenny     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by powerfulone1987:
As I said I am bisexual. And I don't know what feelings I should act on. Boys? Girls? Both? I want to make myself go for just the girls

The feelings you act on are yours to choose and if you choose to act only on your feelings toward girls that's your decision.
If you one day hope to marry one and maintain your fidelity that is possible- attraction to males or no attraction. Attraction to the same gender however isn't something you can simply throw away as rubbish and trying to rid yourself of them would be long and difficult if it's even at all possible and could damage you in many ways. Are you sure you want to put yourself through that?

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You catch more flies with manure than you do with honey.

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powerfulone1987
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posted 05-22-2005 12:09 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for powerfulone1987     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Well, I definitely do not want to go through that. All that I can wish for is that I find myself and what I am about, who I really am during my college life and act on my true feeling whatever they may be.

And even if my feelings aren't what I want them to be, hopefully I can find peace with them and have an equalibrium.

Thanks for the input.

------------------
"Do unto others as you want others to do unto you"

Anybody recognize that from anywhere? Well it's said for a reason so do it.

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powerfulone1987
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posted 06-10-2005 06:54 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for powerfulone1987     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Well, my Highschool Graduation is tomorrow.

God time rolled by this year.

But anyway, I am sure it will be the last time I will see this boy I have been talking about all year.

It looks like my fear of not ever having a relationship with this boy is becoming a reality.

Everything just went by so fast.

Well it looks like yall won't be burdened with my talking about him as much again since I have to really face the fact that nothing happend, is happening, will happen.

I'm on to the next chapter in my life.

Hopefully I'll have better luck in college.

Yall are just lucky that he's not going to the same college as me because yall know it wouldn't be over then.

Well unitl next time.

The next time yall hear from me I'll be a Highschool Graduate.

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"Do unto others as you want others to do unto you"

Anybody recognize that from anywhere? Well it's said for a reason so do it.

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powerfulone1987
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posted 07-12-2005 09:58 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for powerfulone1987     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Just dropped in to say hi.
I don't really have anything to talk about now that school is over and I have nobody to talk about that I am interested in and see something happening with.

I went to my college orientation just the past Friday. The dorms are smaller than I thought. I don't like them. I didn't actually see mine, but the one I saw is suppose to be similar to mine, so I heard, but I am still crossing my fingers that it is much different. I didn't see anybody there that caught my interest though, but keep in mind that all the freshmen don't come to one orientation, orientation spands over many days and different freshmen come different days, so I didn't see all of the freshmen. I hope my roommate looks attractive. I don't feel right wishing him to be Homosexual or Bisexual, I don't know why I just don't. So I don't wish him to be either one of those, just attractive.

I will be starting college soon. I move in on August 21 and class starts a few days later.
Who knows, next time I may have something to talk about.

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"Do unto others as you want others to do unto you"

Anybody recognize that from anywhere? Well it's said for a reason so do it.

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