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Author Topic:   i'm bisexual,but does everyone need to know?and who should i tell?
lisablair
Neophyte

Posts: 5
From: denver,colorado,usa
Registered: Sep 2000

posted 09-19-2000 12:38 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for lisablair     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
resantly i've admitted to myself i'm bisexual but i'm afraid to teel anyone i know i shoulndn't be ashamed, but i've heard what my friends and relatives have said about gays and i'm afraid thay'll say,think, or act that way toward me. i've also thought of not telling anyone but i feellike i'm telling a huge lie.not just to one person but to everyone.what should i do

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Miz Scarlet
Sexpert

Posts: 19846
From: Minneapolis
Registered: May 2000

posted 09-19-2000 07:31 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Miz Scarlet     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I usually think about it this way: what people have told me they are HETEROSEXUAL?

Usually, unless I'm talking to close friends, sexual partners or potential sexual partners, my orienation doesn't come up, and neither does anyone else's. That has little to do with my being bisexual, and more simply to do with the fact that my sex life isn't something it's acceptable to discuss the same way I discuss Prada boots or the books I've been reading.

Tell who you feel needs to know, and who you are comfortable telling, bearing in mind that sex is a fairly private thing. That's the simple answer.

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Pixie69
Activist

Posts: 1339
From: Las Vegas, NV, USA
Registered: Jul 2000

posted 09-19-2000 04:40 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Pixie69     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Yeah...should you tell your parents? Perhaps if you plan on taking your girlfriend to prom or anything. Should you tell your bestest friend in the whole wide world that you trust your life with? If she keeps trying to hook you up with guys and you're not interested then maybe. Tell who you feel you need to tell. If someone asks you and you don't want to tell, then don't. As open as we are here on scarleteen if you put us in a big room I doubt we'd be so open :P So tell who you need/want to tell, and the rest don't need to know.

Brittany

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Dude, just smile and pass the zen margaritas...

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PoetgirlNY
Activist

Posts: 1101
From: San Francisco
Registered: Jun 2000

posted 09-19-2000 05:56 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for PoetgirlNY     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Miz Scarlet, I disagree that there is no reason for people other than close friends and sexual partners to know. Being bisexual is about much more than just sex(at least for me it is). I've had serious relationships with women and they have made a large impact on my life. There is a multitude of circumstances in which it is perfectly socially acceptable to mention this kind of relationship in a nonsexual context. For example:
Aquaintance: Wow, that's such an awesome shirt. Where did you get it?
Me: Actually, I don't know. My girlfriend got it for me as a present.
Of course that sounds very specific, but things like that come up for me all the time.

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Limes Are Sublime

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Miz Scarlet
Sexpert

Posts: 19846
From: Minneapolis
Registered: May 2000

posted 09-19-2000 06:11 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Miz Scarlet     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I don't think that is the same thing as telling people your sexual identity in one word. I agree that that certainly discloses some of it, and may even open a window to them discuss it, but that sort of conversation isn't the same thing as walking up to someone and telling them your orientation.

Again, if someone walked up to me and told me they were heterosexual, I'd be more than a little perplexed.

For some people, bisexuality is a lifestyle as well as an orientation, or they define it that way. For others it isn't, and it's all over the map in between. The mention I understood the original poster to be asking about wasn't about her releationships, and other aspects of her life, but simply about bisexuality as an orientation. If that isn't what she was talking about, I'd agree with you.

However, all else aside, when we are ONLY talking about orientation, I think it's easy for it to feel weird in telling that to people without any context such as you're describing, mainly because it can be a little weird, regardless of your orientation.

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Wyldncrazy
Neophyte

Posts: 3
From: montana
Registered: Sep 2000

posted 09-23-2000 04:49 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Wyldncrazy     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
That is a really good question and you may find that alot of people will not understand where you are coming from when they do find out.
personally, it is none of anyones buisness what your sexual preferences are unless you are wanting to include them. even your best friend may take awhile to adjust to the idea. it doesnt change who you are as a person at all. more of a realization of likes and dislikes, and being more honest with yourself.
everyone is different, but being honest with yourself doesnt mean you have to broadcast it to the world either. sex is personal, and usually private. just enjoy being yourself and dont worry what other people will think.

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Kimberly
Neophyte

Posts: 6
From: somewhereintheUS
Registered: Sep 2000

posted 09-30-2000 06:35 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Kimberly     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Lisa...no one has to know. Your sexual preferences are yours and your partner's to know, no one else.

Kim

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Hanne
Sexpert

Posts: 1538
From: boston, ma, USA
Registered: Jun 2000

posted 09-30-2000 12:00 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Hanne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Something to remember is that when it comes to sexual orientation, the personal rapidly becomes the political.

If you don't feel ready to deal with your sexual orientation on a political level -- and that means talking about it, arguing about it, possibly being verbally attacked for it, explaining it, and defending it -- then really, you don't have to. Ultimately, there are not all that many people who really NEED to know about your sexuality, particularly at this stage in your life.

Someday, you may want to come out to more people. You may decide that sexuality is a big enough issue to you that you want to be politically active around the issue, on either a small or large scale. But for right now, you can probably count on two or maybe three fingers the number of people who really *really* need to know, and if that's all the people you feel like telling, that's just fine.

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Hanne Blank
Co-Editor, Scarleteen

Start a Revolution -- Stop Hating Your Body!

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Bianca
Neophyte

Posts: 3
From:
Registered: Jun 2000

posted 10-05-2000 10:20 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Bianca     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Girl, tell anyone you want! Hell, get up on the roof and scream it if you feel like it! Or, if you're the shy kind, keep it on the DL and tell a best bud or two. Man, I'll tell anyone who asks. I dont give a damn what anyone thinks, unless its cool! I comfy with myself and thats what counts! Do what will make you happy!

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broken_wishbone
Activist

Posts: 74
From:
Registered: Oct 2000

posted 10-09-2000 07:16 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for broken_wishbone     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Don't rush telling people. Tell people as you get comfortable with telling people. I went through the same thing in July and felt like I needed to tell everyone. Now I'm glad I didn't. Three people know (well, now there are a few more than three, eh?) that I'm bisexual, and as far as I can tell, that's all that need to know. Those three people are the people I trust most in the world, and I only told them when I knew it was the right time. You'll know when the time comes if somebody should know. But now, if you're uncomfortable telling somebody, it's obviously not the right time. Good luck, darling.

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upsidedown girl
Neophyte

Posts: 2
From:
Registered: Oct 2000

posted 10-14-2000 03:42 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for upsidedown girl     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
First of all, if you are bisexual it is the same as if you had a growth on your leg. You wouldn't go around announcing it to everyone you meet; it's noone's business that you have a growth, and some people may not even want to know. But if it comes up in conversation, or if someone asks you, then you can decide whether to tell them or not.
Secondly, close friends and family, while it may be hard to tell them, will take it much worse if they figure it out another way. I have had many close friends and an ex boyfriend turn bisexual. With the friends that told me to my face, it was shocking, but I am fine with it because they were comfortable being honest with me and trusting me. But in some cases, as with my ex boyfriend, I found out from another friend; this REALLY hurt me, because I felt like I had been lied to and wondered if I knew him at all; it was very upsetting and disillusioning. It turns out that he had been bi for months, even when were were dating. It still depresses me that he didn't come to me and tell me himself. Give them a letter. tell them to their face. tell them on the phone. Just make sure they hear it from you. "I didn't know how you'd react" isn't a good excuse. It just makes them feel like you're not as close as you thought, and hurts their feelings. please take my advice; be honest, and do it quick.

Haley

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