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Author Topic:   Just Being Open About Sexuality!
Pixie69
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Posts: 1339
From: Las Vegas, NV, USA
Registered: Jul 2000

posted 08-26-2000 09:54 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Pixie69     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Why do people see so many things wrong with being GLB? As of yet I am none of the above, but I don't see why people have to be so negative about it! I like guys-a lot-and I'm a girl. But I find other girls attractive and if I fell in love with one I'd be just as likely to want to spend the rest of my life with them as with a guy. I don't consider myself bi, just open.

So I gotta ask, is anyone out to anyone? What happened? Why aren't you? I wonder if I asked a girl out would some of my friends accept it? No, I can think of five acquantances that would torment me, I can think of two good friends that would stop talking to me, and I can think of a handful of friends that would talk about me behind my back.

Maybe I just have to vent, so I guess you can vent too. I just think it's so...unfair. It's unfair that I can't marry a woman (although did anyone else read about the Mass. court that ordered a hospitol to make a birth certificate with mother and mother on it? It was one woman's egg with an anonomys male's sperm, and her girlfriend carried the baby. How can you deny that both aren't the mother? I thought that was cool).

Okay I'm done babbling and venting now. :P

Brittany

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AngelsBrat
Activist

Posts: 55
From: Toronto,Canada
Registered: Jul 2000

posted 08-27-2000 01:17 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for AngelsBrat     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Well ... my take on it is that people don't like what they don't understand. And understanding will take some time, and they don't want to put in that time to make someone feel like they fit in more. So instead, they bash each other and feel more powerful because of it. Stupid huh?

I have nothing against being GLB, but i can't say that i totally understand it myself. I'm not gonna dislike someone or stop talking to them because they happen to have a different sexual preference. That's not right. That's exactly like judging a book by it's cover, and what has Mom (most moms hehe) always said about that? NEVER judge a book by it's cover, because it may just surprise you.

Actually my ex bf's dad was gay. He had *bob (we'll call him bob) and his brother then took off w/ a boyfriend. I have nothing against that really, except that it was really hard on Bob and his brother. I think (for some reason) a lot of guys have a hard time dealing w/ GLB. They have too many influences when they're little ... Like someone telling them not to play w/ dolls, because it's wrong. Well if girls can play w/ toy cars then how come little boys can't play w/ dolls? Hmmm

Well now look what you've done, you've got me venting too ... hehe This was a great topic~!!~

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Pixie69
Activist

Posts: 1339
From: Las Vegas, NV, USA
Registered: Jul 2000

posted 08-28-2000 01:47 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Pixie69     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Good point, good point. Today I was kicking it with my three little cousins (all under three) because well, family gathering and they're the coolest people there. The girl is really girly, loves dresses and dolls. One guy is really manly, likes horses, trucks, and thinks he's a cowboy. The other one is too young to have a preferance. They all argued over who got to play with the doll house, they all fought over the little dolls, they all went outside and rode their "bikes" (don't ask, I'm not sure what it is but they didn't have it when i was a kid) and then they all played in the mud.

So now I think parents are being very open to their child's toys.

Brittany

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Ophelia
Activist

Posts: 72
From: Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Registered: Jul 2000

posted 08-29-2000 11:50 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ophelia     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
uhh...i just came out to two friends. i am bi, and it wasn't amazingly easy. i told one because he is gay himself and i knew that he would completely understand...he was so great! and so was my other friend...but i am finding telling females are MUCH harder, but i know that i am gonna have to sooner or later!

in fact i am coming out to a couple of friends right now, if they are reading this!

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Hanne
Sexpert

Posts: 1538
From: boston, ma, USA
Registered: Jun 2000

posted 08-30-2000 03:54 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Hanne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Sometimes it is harder to come out to people when you are worried that they might take you coming out to them as you making a pass at them, or telling them that "Hi, I'm not heterosexual and I'm attracted to people like YOU!"

This isn't necessarily what you're trying to say -- in fact, in most cases, it isn't. But people sometimes take it that way. The only way I have found that works to make sure they understand that you're not making a pass at them is that you just don't make passes at them... you treat them the same way you always did, and eventually they usually figure it out.

As I've gotten older I've discovered that coming out "in context" seems to make it easier. When someone asks me what I do, for instance, one of the things I often say when listing some of the things I do is "...I do a lot of work on gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender issues and I am an educator for a bisexual health project..."

That usually lets people know I'm not heterosexual, but in a way that they don't feel that it has anything to do with them personally.

I also have a button that says "Yes, I'm bisexual, and no, I'm not attracted to you." I have it on my jeans jacket. It's a little rude (though in a hopefully humorous way), but it definitely gets the point across.

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Hanne Blank
Associate Editor, Scarleteen

"Be Excellent To Each Other" -- Bill and Ted

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Ophelia
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Posts: 72
From: Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Registered: Jul 2000

posted 08-30-2000 11:07 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ophelia     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hanne:
i completly know what you mean! i'm having the biggest problems telling my girl friends that i am bi, cause i am afriad that i am gonna come off as 'liking' them. ahh!!! what to do?

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swirlgirl
Neophyte

Posts: 11
From: Chicago, USA
Registered: Aug 2000

posted 08-31-2000 01:32 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for swirlgirl     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Ophelia, the first person I came out to was a female friend, and after I told her, I panicked. I thought, "what have I done? She'll be uncomfortable around me now!", but she was very surprised at how anxious I was. It may be a little weird at first, when you're testing out how your relationship works now that you're being honest about your sexuality, but for me, the weirdness quickly went away, and I was only closer with my female friends. Still, with strangers, it's much easier to tell guys. When guys find out I'm bi, they see it as more of a similiarity between us- we both like girls. Anyway, I've only been out for a few months, and not to my family or most people, but it keeps getting easier to be truthful about my sexuality. I can't wait to leave for college in a few weeks and be completely out for the first time ever!

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jupiter
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Posts: 55
From: West Sand Lake (aka Cow Pasture), NY
Registered: Aug 2000

posted 08-31-2000 08:24 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for jupiter     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I'm out (bisexual) to everyone I know online, anyone who asks, all my friends - in short, everyone except my hyper-Catholic family who would not accept it at this point. Eventually, I know they'll find out; hopefully, I'll be able to handle it by then (I wouldn't be right now).

I have lost a couple of friends as a result of coming out, but the way I see it, I'm better off without them. It's sad though - somehow, it's easier to take prejudice from people when you don't actually know each other as individuals with individual souls.

The way that I see all this anti-GLB sentiment is: people always need some group to hate. Throughout history, ever since people have been categorizing themselves, they have felt insecure in their roles and need to reassure themselves by dividing into "us vs. them" - girls vs. boys in dodgeball, one country vs. another in war, etc. It's irrational and wrong, but it exists, and we'll have to stick together (us vs. them again!) and deal with it until the majority of the world opens their minds and hearts further.

Frankly, the whole business annoys me. I don't want to be mapped out into a few words. I don't want to be "that bi girl" or "that artsy type" or "that (pick a category)" anymore. I feel like some sort of living Barbie in a box, with people passing me by in the aisle of the store thinking "Hey, I already got one with that packaging. Let's try something different this time". It saddens me that we have to define ourselves by our differences from others rather than our individual essences.

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'maybe you'll keep me from ever being happy but you're not gonna stop me from having fun...'-ani di franco

'i weave for you the luminous web glowinthedark threads all neon like'-bjork

'you only exist in what you do'-federico fellini

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mnsouthpawjr
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Posts: 72
From: Louisville, KY USA
Registered: Aug 2002

posted 08-05-2002 04:33 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for mnsouthpawjr     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I'm selectively out as a bisexual. I will only tell people that I feel can handle the truth. I'm not 100% open because living in pre-dominantly catholic conservative towns -- it's not the right thing to do. Remember Matthew Shephard who was killed cuz he was gay? Even though most of society accepts it -- many don't.

I thought it was bad to be gay because nobody else appeared to be. Also, it was a bad thing to be gay.

I thought it was impossible to be bi. I figured you had to be either gay or straight. Finally, I did a self check and determined I was bi and I got the urge to selectively come out.

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DrQuack5
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Posts: 290
From: Minneapolis
Registered: Feb 2001

posted 08-05-2002 10:44 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for DrQuack5     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I'm gay, I'm open about it to most people. I'm not out at work because it's a bunch of homophobic guys. I'm out to all of my friends and they could care less. One of my best friends is gay, too.

I'm out to my immediate family, but nothing beyond that. My parents don't discuss it much (and by "much", I mean "ever") and my brother throws in little comments about me and girls occasionally.

I'm pretty happy with my out-ness status, all in all.

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Kajego
Neophyte

Posts: 14
From: Bordentown, New Jersey, USA
Registered: Aug 2002

posted 08-19-2002 10:46 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Kajego     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I'm bi, and have not come out to anyone. I just recently realized what my sexuality is, and have decided to wait awhile to tell my parents. I really want to come out to my two closest friends, but...I'm a bit scared of how they'll react. With one, I'm not to afraid, but with the other...I know it'll be harder.

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cumquat
Neophyte

Posts: 14
From: VA, USA
Registered: Sep 2002

posted 09-15-2002 07:54 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for cumquat     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I'm out (as bi) to many of my friends, but not my family, and my mom has basically made me decide that I probaly never will. I was talking to her the other day about how I felt that my brother might be gay, it seem slike it might be acomfortable fit for him. My mother kinf og groaned, and said "Please don't ever say that. My number one goal for my children is that they all grow up to be heterosexual." hmm, I guess I've failed her!

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"I want to live like I type--fast, and with lots of mistakes"

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sachie
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Posts: 81
From:
Registered: Sep 2002

posted 09-16-2002 02:38 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for sachie     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
i'm sorry to hear that, cumquat. :/ i know how it feels to be the disappointment of the family all too well. i had to come out to my mom and brother a few times before they fully realized what i was saying, and they didn't take it very well. my mom's trying to accept me, but i know deep down she hopes i'll change. my brother's just being a jerk about it. he calls me a homo all the time, and he harasses my friends as well. it's gotten so bad that one of them has said she's never coming to my house again.

my friends were a lot better about it. well, most of them. i did lose a few friends after coming out to them, but that's more because i was heavily depressed and was acting like a b*tch to every person i came across. so i can understand why they abandoned me, mostly. i'm out to my entire high school because of the rainbow ribbon on my backpack, and they haven't harassed me yet. so i'm happy.

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libido ergo sum.

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fly_little_wing
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Posts: 41
From: Canada
Registered: Jun 2002

posted 09-16-2002 06:53 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for fly_little_wing     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I'm a lesbian, and I've only come out to 2 of my online friends, and no one that I know in person.
Both of my friends that I told are lesbians, so it was a pretty easy coming-out experience for me. It was funny too because they both knew I was attracted to girls before I did!!!
I'm still not sure what I should do about coming out to my family or friends. It's hard when my friends are talking about guys, and I can't say what I'm feeling. And anytime I talk about love, I kind of have to work my way around things by saying "Someone" instead of "a man".
It probably (hopefully...) won't come to much of a shock to my family and friends because I've never been too interested in guys. I have pictures of females in my locker, I constantly talk about my female friends, and the last time I had a celebrity crush on a guy was in grade 6. So you get the picture.
I guess I'm just waiting for a time when it's right. I think I'd be more inclined to come out to my family first, since my friends don't have much of a reason to know. But we're having major problems with my brother right now, so I think I'll wait until that's over.

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And now she's walking through the clouds with a circus mind that's running wild. ~ Butterflies and zebras and moonbeams and fairytales. ~ All she ever thinks about is riding with the wind. ~ When I'm sad she comes to me. ~ With a thousand smiles she gives to me, free. ~ 'It's alright, it's alright' she says. 'Take anything you want from me. Anything.'

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Kajego
Neophyte

Posts: 14
From: Bordentown, New Jersey, USA
Registered: Aug 2002

posted 09-18-2002 06:56 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Kajego     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Well, I finally cam out to my parents...my mom isn't homophobic/biphobic, exactly...she just thinks that since I have the capability of being sttracted to both men and women, I'll end up cheating on my husband with a women, or vice-versa. Oi... My dad didn't really say much. We haven't talked about it since then.

My grandmother, on the other hand...I think I'll wait about a decade... She's slightly...okay, a bit more than slightly...bi/homophobic. Example: SHe doesn't like my godmother for the sole purpose that she's a lesbian. Talk about ignorant, evil, and stupid...>_< Yet I still love her... Well, at least she's not as bad as some people...which is why I haven't come out to anyone else yet...

Well, unless you count people online. That's a lot easier for me, for some reason ^_^;

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Lin
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Posts: 2294
From: Singapore
Registered: Dec 2000

posted 09-19-2002 02:10 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lin     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hon, note that calling someone ignorant, evil and stupid is really no different from someone disparaging you for being a homosexual.

Instead of simply pinning labels onto your grandmother, how about trying to talk to her and communicate with her? Maybe when she finds out more about you, your lifestyle, your social circle etc, she will have a deeper understanding of your sexuality.

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steven1534
Neophyte

Posts: 1
From:
Registered: Sep 2002

posted 09-23-2002 07:20 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for steven1534     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I am out to two adults and 6 or 7 friends, but not my closest friend because I dont want it to change. I know it wont, she accepts gay and bi people (I am bi, bi the way) but I just don't want her to know me any other way that she knows me now. i am gonna tell her this sat and also tell another adult so that I have other allies who will help me.

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Kajego
Neophyte

Posts: 14
From: Bordentown, New Jersey, USA
Registered: Aug 2002

posted 10-04-2002 04:52 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Kajego     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
You're right.

I was venting...unfortunatley, when I do that, some of the thigns I say are rather stupid. Still, I wasn't calling my grandmother evil and so on; I'd never do that. I was basically calling homophobia evil and so on.

Thanks for your advice. I hope I'll be able to talk to her....She's really a nice person. Partially, the reason I wouldn't want to is because of what my mother told me, and from what I've saw...but I have been thinking, and now I realize I was wrong, especially after what you told me.

Thank you.

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Don't fight Fire with Fire...fight it with Water.

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SirenPorter
Neophyte

Posts: 4
From: Canada
Registered: Oct 2002

posted 10-26-2002 03:00 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for SirenPorter     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I guess since i'm not really all that sure about my sexuality i can't really come out.

my family is slightly Homophobic but they already think i'm a lesbian (i like guys so i can't be ONLY lesbian, i guess i would fall somewhere under bi.), and so do all my good friends. despite the fact that since i never thought about it before i believed i was perfectly straight. lol now i laugh because i know i'm not, but they all think i'm a lesbian still and truth be told i'm probably bi. ah well.

-Siren

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Sunset_Rose
Activist

Posts: 119
From:
Registered: Oct 2002

posted 11-20-2002 04:21 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Sunset_Rose     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I'm actually smiling just thinking about this!
I feel sooo lucky. I came out to my best friend as a lebian last year, and she was totally fine. I then proceeded to gradually let some of my friends know, and so far everyone I have told (I love you guys!) has been totally fine and supportive. I have also told my sis, who was the same.
But best of all, about a month ago, I told my parents, and they couldn't have been more supportive of me!

I just thought I would share my somewhat happier story to show that there is hope out there, after all the experiences on this page!

Keep smiling people!

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completely_anon
Neophyte

Posts: 4
From: England
Registered: Nov 2002

posted 11-21-2002 03:33 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for completely_anon     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I'm...not out. Mainly coz I have no idea if I'm bi or gay, so I can't really be out that's why I joined these boards. I don't think I'm gay...in fact, I'm not attracted to any particular girls at the moment so I'm probably not bi either...but if I was bi and I wanted to come out...I think my parents would accept it, but I wouldn't know how to tell them (probably on the phone from a very long way away!). My friends might act a little wierd, but I think most of them would be ok - one of their friends is bi, so I think they'd be fine, though I would never talk to him about my sexuality coz he is sooo annoying! I'm not sure about some of my more distant relatives though. My grandma was worried enough when I decided I was vegetarian, and people aren't half as conservative about vegetarianism as homosexuality!

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