Being bisexual, by the by, does NOT necessarily mean having more than one partner. It simply means you can be attracted to both women and men.

A straight woman can have fantasies about other women, and still identify as heterosexual.

A gay man can have fantasies about women, and still identify as gay.

Some people decide to identify themselves as "pansexual," meaning that they are sexually attracted to people across all sexes and genders. Kinda throws the doors wide open. It can be a good non-label label for those who want one.

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Hanne Blank
Associate Editor, Scarleteen

Take yer pick. I usually use "bisexual" when I am doing public interviews and education, because people know what "bisexual" means (for the most part). In practice, since my primary partner is intergendered and I have had transsexual lovers int he past, I think I'm more of a pansexual. But "bisexual" works for me, mostly.

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Hanne Blank
Associate Editor, Scarleteen

I want to add that giving a show may not be the best way to experiment either. It is added pressure for your exploration, as well as including a third person into your sexual relationship with your boyfriend is a tricky thing and requires dialog and limit setting. Such a thing is best done when everyone involved is on the same page.

I'd add that one of the quickest ways to make a big mess and to hurt a good deal of people is to try and pull an existing partner into sexual exploration that really should be done alone. Your partner can get hurt, you can end up very confused (because a same-sex relationship is a very different thing than a "show" or a threesome), and the other person you get involved with will well likely feel like crud, since SHE doesn't have a relationship with your boyfriend.

quote:

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Originally posted by Hanne:

my primary partner is intergendered

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Sorry, off topic, but what does intergendered mean? Is that the same thing as transgendered. If I were going to guess by the root of the word I would think it means between genders. Is that it?

I really, really, really hate it when people don't take me seriously because I identify as bisexual. I used to say I was a lesbian and as soon as I came out as bisexual it was like, "Oh, I'm not queer anymore. Bisexual is the same as straight." It's like people think that my attraction to men negates my attraction to women. So many of my friends believe the stereotype that bisexual girls are just straight girls who occasionally hook up with a girl-friend when they are drunk. Ugh, it frustrates me so much. At camp in my bunk I was the first girl to come out and then another girl came out the next year. This summer we were all sitting around talking and I said, "I'm so glad you came out last year because now there is more than one queer girl in our bunk." And this other girl said,"Yeah, she's one. . .but who's the other one?"
I really hate it how way too many people have weird definitions of bisexuality. Some people think it means that you like women and men absolutely equally, 50%/50%. That bothers me because I'm rarely 50/50 and some days it's more like 30/70 or 90/10, depending on my mood. Sexuality isn't that fixed that it can always be completely equal. And then I met this guy this summer that seriously believed that being bisexual means that you have sex with men and women at the same time. By his definition I am not bisexual because I've never had a threesome. And he was so arrogant about it, he wouldn't believe me that it only means that you're attracted to both even after I told him that I know for sure because I am a bisexual. Argh.
I also can't stand how bi exclusive many lesbians are. When I went to the Dyke March this year all my lesbian friends were like, "Why are you here, don't you like guys?" And it's like, yeah, I like guys, and that doesn't make me any less of a dyke! Half the time I feel like a really lame heterosexual and the other half I feel like a bad excuse for a homosexual. I don't know where there is any bi community. Does anyone know of any websites or anything? Especially for bi teens?

And, I feel your pain with people saying bisexuality isn't valid. I told someone I was bi, + they told me that there was no such thing. I'm either a lesbian or I'm straight. I argued with him. He's fine with it now, I guess he realized it.

Bisexuality isn't always 50/50. I;m open for both guys or girls, I don't specify. But, at some points, I develop more crushes on guys or girls. Find myself wanting a girlfriend more than a boyfriend, or vice versa. It depends on how your life is going at the moment, past relationships, + .. well.. most things involving you.

or poly/multi/pan/omni/etc. sexual :-)
personally i identify as bisexual first and multi or omnisexual when i get a chance to specify. i know a lot of people who aren't comfortable with the "bi" part of bisexual, but mostly i feel like it's important for me to identify myself with the bi community first and worry about what the root word means later my (fabulous linguistics major) boyfriend came up with a really cool explanation of it... he said that the connotations and usage of words are just as if not more important than the dictionary definition, and that the way he (and I) see "bisexual" used is really inclusive and neat.

PoetgirlNY asked about where to find bisexual community... the most fabulous places I've found are in the magazine Anything That Moves (www.anythingthatmoves.com, among other places) and the really wonderful book Bi Any Other Name, which is a bunch of essays and other writing by bi people. for handy crap about terms like intergendered and multigendered, i recommend http://dmoz.org/society/transgendered/genderqueer and http://bombdiggity.com/shrapnel/sphere :-)