But I think my little crowd is far removed from 'society'. When one lesbian friend started hanging out with our crowd more (she had a crush on a friend, and later a crush on me) she was shocked, I think. She even mentioned how it was so weird to be around people who would hug her and flirt with her and give pecks on the cheek without thinking "hey, she's a lesbian."

So maybe I have no idea what it's like to be bisexual in society since I've never really had to be.

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Brittany
Scarleteen Advocate

I'd say I'm the only person in my grade who is way "out there", but when people tell me to shut up, it's usually because I'm talking incessantly about the x-files, not because I'm into girls.

I'm at a public school so I find it easier. When I was at a conservative country private school I had a bi friend, Tamara (who sparked my bi-curiosity). She didn't feel comfortable coming out in that community, and I can't blame her. Almost everyone was stuck with these old religious ideas. I'm not against religion, just using it in a cruel and unforgiving way.

Most of the teachers at my current school are cool with who I am (the ones who don't know wouldn't be).

Hugs & Scully,
Winnie :0)

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~~Scarleteen Advocate~~
"Watch the Gillian Anderson blowup doll!"

Keeper of:
Scully's bra (EA)
Mulders Wheelchair (SE)
Scene where S tells Sk she's pregnant. (Req)
Scully's green suede jacket (Unn)

As far as it goes on paper, I'm are a very queer-positive school. Most teachers have little "Out4Good" stickers on their little metal podiums, which essentially means that they're part of this big group with a bit of training if a kid came to them with problems relating to queerness. The actual atomosphere, I guess, isn't any different than you'd expect in a high school. Every so often I'll hear, "That's so gay" and other things, slightly more derogative with a bit more colorful language. But then again, the kids who I hang out with mostly are very open-minded, and a huge portion are in theatre.

hmm...well well well, it's a new school year, and I'm feeling a little less happy as a queer. I'm much more removed from the close-minded part of my school, but I still worry about their reactions. Actually, here's the dealio, my brother's best friend goes to my school now. His girlfriend does too. (my brother goes to a magnet school, and his friend did too). Well, they always say hi to me in the hallways, and they told my brother about my slightly-scandelous outfit that I wore on the first day of school. He promptly told my parents.

I don't know if he knows about me or not. I know he's glanced at some literature I've picked up at the GBLT center, I know that when he asked my mom if he could go to church wit a friend my mom said "it's not a church for GAY PEOPLE, is it?" (I had been using church as my cover for GBLT youth group). But...I know it bothers him that his friends talk to him about me, and what I wear, and who I hang out with, and that he feels obligated to tell my parents.

I'm afraid that if they see me kissing a girl or holding hands with one they'll tell him, and he'll freak out, be embarrased, and tell my parents, who already have a bad opinion of me and are in denial about my bisexuality.

So...that's the pressure I feel right now. Just that I've got to act normal for the sake of my brother because he's such an average ordinary kid, and I don't want to embarras him. Once I find a chica I'm really into, I think that fear will dissapear though, because it's not anyone else's business anyway

Oh well, c'est la vie. C'est nul, mais c'est la vie.

(Edited because I can't type coherently right now.)

I'm not sure exactly how small your school is, but if there are more than 20 people in it, chances are that someone else is not straight. If you were out at school, perhaps these non-straights would see you as a role model and open up to you. No pressure though

Are you positive that the people you love don't love you back? I'm sure there are people who want a relationship with you, but maybe they're even shyer than you. Maybe they feel exactly the same way, unloved...

Sorry if you don't want my advice, but I remember feeling the same way, and I didn't find someone until I stopped trying so hard to find someone. Remember that other people aren't significantly better than you. They don't deserve your worship. It sounds trite, but be yourself, stop trying to impress people. Stop structuring your life around crushes.

The only person I try to impress is me, and that is difficult enough because of my lovely and extremely unrealistic self-expectations. But now I fear this is delving into the realm of the ironic pity-party.

You never know who would flock to you but I understand your fears.