What is it about a pregnant belly on a young person that brings out the cruelty in other people? Why do they feel so free to ask rude questions and make assumptions?
The second-most common question I've encountered, after "what's your due date?", is "What happened to YOU?" Think about it. You know very well what happened to me. A hundred years ago, most people my age had had at least one child. And you know what? Right now, they're having them even younger. That's what I'd like to say to these people. But I was taught from an early age to be polite.

At the beginning of my pregnancy, I was afraid to leave the house because of the nasty stares and rude comments hurled at me every time I'd show my face in town. But I learned a very important lesson: to find comfort wherever I can. Sometimes it's a silly little thing, like when the cat jumps in my lap and cuddles up to me, not caring at all how little lap there is left. And other times it'll be something much more profound, like when I'm feeling especially bad and about to cry, and all of the sudden from deep within comes the little flutter of movement from my baby. It's that private little communication that no one else can feel that reminds me why I'm going through with this. It can be bad sometimes, but I have always wanted to be a mother, so instead of calling my pregnancy an 'accident' as I have so many times before, now towards the end, I'm more inclined to call it a blessing in disguise.

I think losing a baby as a teen has been hard because instead of saying it's okay for me to miss my baby, a lot of people say it's a blessing in disguise, which hurts. I wish people weren't so negative about teen parents.....I think it's only because the teen parents you hear about are the bad ones. But I have some friends who are teen parents and they do a wondeful job.

Glad I got to share that.

I do want to interject that I *do* think that sometimes, miscarriages and stillbirths can be a blessing in disguise. Not because I think they're good things, but sometimes, as with relationships and such, it really is Not Meant To Be. About six and a half years ago I had a stillbirth toward the end of my second trimester of pregnancy, and it was just farkin' awful, as you can imagine. But you know, I really do think it *was* a blessing in disguise: in my individual case, there were things that happened in my life that wouldn't have happened if I were raising a child, and in general, I think that I am (in the largest possible picture) better off now than I likely would have been had I ended up with a baby.

Does that mean that my life wouldn't still be good or worth living if I *had* had that baby? Not by a long shot. Does it mean that I don't wonder what things would be like, and how they'd be different, if I had a kid right now? No way, I think about that frequently.

But ya know, I do think that for me and for my life, the right thing happened, as hard as it was. It's a case-by-case thing, just like figuring out if it's okay to be a mom when you're in your teens is a case-by-case thing: it just isn't the same for every individual.

Sometimes, if a friend of mine loses a pregnancy, I will tell them, by way of being supportive, that in time they may find that there seemed to be some 'cosmic logic' behind what happens, that perhaps these things do happen for reasons even if we can't necessarily see those reasons at the time. I mean, I think that's true about people having kids (people have them at different times, in different circumstances, sometimes planned, sometimes unplanned, and learn from those experiences)... why shouldn't it be true of people who miscarry or have stillbirths?

I'm in my 30's now, and have remained childless by choice -- but I don't stop noticing how very true it is that different peoples lives take very different paths for reasons that may seem weird at the time, but later begin to make sense when you see them in perspective.

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Hanne Blank
Co-Editor, Scarleteen

Both of my babies have the most terrible cold/flu known to man! It's terrible and as Negitive Nancy said "The only thing worse than a sick baby, is two"

I think I've been thrown up on at least 12 times today, not to mention the amount of times my shoulder was used as a kleenex and the extra diaper changes. Yuck!

I guess this is one of the hard parts of being a parent, espeically the parent of twins. I'm sure it's nothing serious although I do plan on taking a trip to the doctors' on Monday.

Just needed to vent! lol ttyl!

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'You've got the eyes of ten women. Not in a jar! I wasn't accusing you. I just mean your eyes are really nice'-coupling

quote:

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Originally posted by Angel_Kisses:
I believe that a Baby has a right to live and I also believe that a baby should the right to know its family and not go there entire lifes and wonder if the lady next door is there Mom.

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Just a note here. For most adopted children, their adoptive mother IS their Mom, and no less so because she isn't their birth mother. North America is one of the few places in the world where we define family so exclusively as nuclear or birth. Nearly everywhere else, that is really pretty secondary, and IMO, that's wiser and more healthy.

For women who choose to give up their babies for adoption: many of them are, in fact, acting very much as Mothers, and good ones at that, if they are doing so knowing full well either they cannot afford to raise an infant healthfully and give it what it needs to survive (love is great, honey, but in the real world, it doesn't put food on the table or a roof over one's head), or that they simply cannot be the kind of parent their child deserves. Or that they just do not want to.

I respect and understand that is your opinion, but out of respect and understanding for adoptive parents, adopted children and parents who put their children up for adoption, you may want to perhaps talk to some of those people or at least read about those scenarios before going there.

Babies don't make everyone feel all warm and fuzzy inside, and when they don't, that doesn't mean a person is defective. And they don't stay babies: they grow into children, then teens, then adult people. During many of those phases, they are neither cute nor cuddly, even though their parents love and value them still (minus all their own hair they've pulled out).

So, let's remember, first of all, where you are -- in a support forum for pregnant young women, some of whom may make the choice to go for adoption, and that may indeed be the choice they want and the one which is best for everyone involved.

I'd ask that we leave this forum for moms-to-be. It's hard to feel support from a bunch of people who aren't members of that group who are weighing in with what they think on a scenario thaat isn't theirs or that they have no real experience with.

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Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

I`m glad to see that you are all so positive about your situations...my best friend is 19 and has 2 children and I have seen first hand what people are truly made of when faced with a real situation as a teen pregnancy. Those you think are behind you no matter what - suddenly step aside ... the ones you thought you could tell anything all of a sudden plug their ears...I saw my best friend go through all of that and I can honestly say I will never look down at a teen mother whether she has 1 kid of 5!

It`s ignorance that creates the comments and harshness that teen mothers face from other people...no two ways about it.

I think bravery is the one word to describe a teen mother because that what it ultimately takes to stand up and show that yes you have a baby but you are ALLLLLL RIGHT!

as for the labor, everyone is different. i cant tell you how its going to be because it wont be the same as mine most likely.