T O P I C R E V I E W
Member # 99829
posted 11-12-2012 09:50 PM
I need to get this off my chest (warning to other users- this post discusses suicide):
Up until about 6 months ago, I was struggling with depression. I think it started in about 8th grade and then continued through 10th... I had suicidal thoughts throughout this period, but in February of this year it got so bad that I actually almost hanged myself. I was about to do it, and then I thought, "Wait. There has to be someone that would care if I did this". I texted one of my best friends that I had been feeling depressed, and she responded immediately with an outpouring of how much she cared about me, and how beautiful and compassionate I was. This affected me so deeply that I knew I wasn't alone, and that I never would be. I honestly don't know if I'd be alive today if she hadn't texted me back. Ever since then, I have been feeling a lot better- I finally started feeling comfortable with the idea that I had friends who cared about me. I have never told anyone other than this friend that I've been depressed before, and I didn't even tell her how bad it had gotten. Lately I've been getting this feeling that I really need to tell someone about what I almost did in February. However, I don't know who to tell, because I feel like they would freak out despite me telling them I'm okay now. I really want to tell my friend that I mentioned before (let's call her B) but like I said, I don't know how B would react. I would just want B to be supportive and understanding, if I told her, and not respond with "omg you need help". I truly believe I am in a much better place right now; I just want to be able to tell someone about when I wasn't in a good place. Can someone give me suggestions of who I might talk to, or how I could bring it up? (I hate to say it, but I absolutely do not want to tell my parents. I am certain they would "freak out", for lack of a better term, and I don't want that.) Also, is "Support Groups" the right place to put this post? [ 11-12-2012, 11:24 PM: Message edited by: SilverWyvern ]
Member # 79774
posted 11-12-2012 10:30 PM
Hi SilverWyvern, and welcome to Scarleteen.
I'll address the rest of your post in just in a minute, but in the hopes of catching you still online just now, can I make a request? Could you put at the top of your post in a paragraph before the rest, something like "this post discusses suicidal thoughts" ? Some users, and possibly staff/volunteers too, prefer not to engage with this topic, at least without warning. That's not because it's a terribly bad thing to talk about or anything, it's just it can evoke some strong memories or reactions from some people, for understandable reasons. If you catch this in time, I believe you have about a 2-hour window to edit - it's one of the little icons at the top of your post. More in just a minute.
Member # 79774
posted 11-12-2012 10:54 PM
I think "support groups" is as good a place as any for your post, although just to let you know, this topic isn't central to Scarleteen's work, and the staff/volunteers have said they're short-staffed at the moment, so might not be able to get to you for a while. Still, some of us users kicking around are sometimes happy to pitch in with things that are slightly off the main track
I'm glad you're doing so much better now than you were then. I can understand that you want to share this with someone. It's a pretty major thing to experience, and major things often feel better shared. I also understand your concerns about sharing it with people - you're right that some people find this a difficult topic to talk about or think about, and also, of course, there are a few people who aren't very understanding and have some unsupportive ideas about it. It sounds like you haven't told anyone at all - do I have that right? People who might be suitable people to tell are counsellors/therapists. I hear you that you're doing much better now, but in terms of getting the support and understanding that it sounds like you're looking for, someone who is trained and familiar with the topic is a good option. Are you in school at the moment, and is there a school counsellor who might be a possibility? Is it important to you to tell someone who you're close to personally? If it is, then telling a counsellor first might still be a good way to go with this. If you can also tell that person that you've talked to someone trained, they're likely to feel more secure about your disclosure and not worry so much about what they should/shouldn't do about it, or about your well-being. What do you think?
Member # 99829
posted 11-12-2012 11:34 PM
Redskies, thanks for telling me about putting the "this post discusses suicide" in my post. I'm not sure why that didn't occur to me- I've frequented this site for a while. I hope I didn't cause any distress because I forgot to put it in, because that certainly wasn't my intention.
You're right, I haven't told anyone about my past experiences with depression, beyond a few texts to my friend B that I'd been feeling down. ...I've been thinking about it, and I've realized that I don't feel comfortable with sharing this with my school counselor- not because he's not wonderful, or anything... I'm not exactly sure why I don't want to do that, though; do you think that might just be because I've never told anyone about my being depressed before? It is important that the person I tell be close to me personally, and it makes a lot of sense to me to talk to a counselor first so I can reassure them about my well-being. I guess I need some help working through why I don't want to talk to the school counselor about it. (Thank you, Redskies, for all of your awesome advice- I've seen how you've helped people on other forums, too, and I just wanted to thank you for that)
moonlight bouncing off water
Member # 44338
posted 11-13-2012 03:26 PM
What is it that you want to get out of telling someone? Do you want them to simply acknowledge that you've dealt with this before? Do you want them to say that they will support you if you ever have to deal with it again? Do you want to have someone to talk to about all of this? I think that it might be hard to find someone who doesn't think that you should at least consider "getting help". Because the thing is that depression usually, to the best of my knowledge, doesn't just go away. So it's important that, even though you're feeling fine right now, you start to process things and work on strageties you could employ if things ever got bad again. I think that anybody who cares about you is going to want you to get help, so the only kind of person who would at least suggest it is probably someone who doesn't care. And someone who doesn't care isn't really the best candidate for telling anything important anyway. But that's my opinion and I may not be correct. I can understand not wanting to talk to your school counsellor, do you have access to any other form of counselling?
Member # 79774
posted 11-13-2012 04:56 PM
SilverWyvern - it's sorted now, and we can't always think of everything
The questions moonlight raises can be very helpful for figuring out how we go about this kind of thing - it's a good starting point to identify why we want to tell someone, and what we're hoping to get out of it. Even if we've thought something through carefully, we can still never guarantee how someone else will react and if it will be what we need. Talking to someone trained first can give us more personal security and stability so that we're in a better position to be able to deal with another person's feelings, reactions and questions - so it might be in your interests, too, as well as more comfortable for the person you tell. Per the school counsellor - do You have any leads about why you don't feel comfortable with the idea? It's true it can be uncomfortable telling anybody something personal, particularly if it's the first time - do you feel any more uncomfortable about the idea of telling the school counsellor than you would a different professional? How would you feel about sharing other personal things with the school counsellor? (And, thank you very much, and you're very welcome.) [ 11-13-2012, 04:58 PM: Message edited by: Redskies ]