T O P I C R E V I E W
Member # 3
posted 04-12-2011 05:11 PM
Really, what I'm asking is that simple: life can be really tough on you, especially when you're a young person, and so can a lot of people around you.
When the going gets tough, or you find yourself being mean to yourself or unforgiving, how are you gentle to yourself? What do you say or do to be kind to you and take better care of your emotional self?
Member # 54626
posted 04-17-2011 02:10 AM
...It's difficult. In the midst of the negative emotions I abuse myself (emotionally, mostly) to no end. And to be honest, I'm not sure that I'm even capable of being kind to myself when things are going bad. I can't remember me coaxing myself out of situations - it has always been my boyfriend saying something that just clicked (and it does. He'll make a comment, I'll cry in a good way, and I'm out of the mood), or a chat with a casual friend that distracts me enough.
That doesn't really answer your question, though it's a good one. I know I need to be, but I'm still learning how to kick myself out of pity pits and wallowing, I think. I still need someone else to do it.
teller of tales
Member # 53252
posted 04-19-2011 02:28 AM
(first post here - yay!)
This topic couldn't fit any better right now. I recently stumble upon the concept of self-compassion. I'm a student and tend to be stressed out when working under pressure (nearing deadline, presentation I have to give) which usually shows itself in shallow breathing, locked muscles and the attempt to somehow "escape" - reading unrelated stuff, which delays me even further and so on. The decision to be gentle with myself seems somewhat foreign (... only in this twisted society) but I gave it a try. Since I only started to experiment with this a few weeks ago, I don't have that much to report, but I managed to get into the gentle and accepting mindset yesterday and it feels like working with my nervousness (holding mentally the hand of the nervous part of myself) instead of running away from it. Something I did during my thesis-time (horrible, don't want to go back), was, taking a long bath in the middle of the night. I finished a couple of times not until somewhere around 5 in the morning and went then to soak in the tub. Did a lot of meditation too, because I like the content state of mind it provides me with. But this is really the first time, that I want to practice gentleness on purpose.
teller of tales
Member # 53252
posted 04-19-2011 02:45 AM
About things I do/did - the following is a recommended method, found it on a website about self-compassion:
First I wrote down all the emotions and thoughts, that were present at that point. Then I imagined myself to be in place of a benevolent entity (I say entity because I chose a non-human benefactor, though a mentor or someone in a similar position might work for you) and answered my own text with an accepting mindset. It is usually a lot easier for us to be kind to others. If a friend makes a mistake, we're quick to say - you didn't know better at that time, it is not your fault, don't be so hard on yourself etc., something we are unfortunately not taught to do for ourselves.
Member # 48854
posted 04-19-2011 04:54 AM
I have a bunch of sites that I basically consider support groups...I'm sure nobody on the virtual pet website knows that I go on there when I'm horribly depressed and down on myself, and that my day goes bright and cheery when I give someone an item...a bunch of pixels, that I paid nothing for, and they thank me and say I'm the nicest person ever for doing something like that and how sweet I am. After a few repetitions, it starts sticking, and it makes me a lot happier when a complete stranger, maybe my neighbor, or maybe from across the world, tells me how wonderful I am and they honestly mean it. It's a great...um, return on investment, I think would be the phrase, because I put so little into giving them these things and they get so much enjoyment out of it. And while the people on a different forum know that I go on there to blow off steam and be angry and rant, it turns out virtual hugs are just as good as physical ones, and again it really makes me feel better when I confess how bad I'm feeling, when I'm angry at myself or whatever, and complete strangers who know nothing of me but what I've posted there tell me that I'm a great person and things will get better.
I also have a purring cat and a small dog. The cat is mine, she's a sweetheart and can cheer me up no matter what just by curling on me and purring. The dog is the family animal, but he's willing to go curl up with anyone who's crying or sad or in pain, and he's also great at cheering me up. So, basically, I find someone, something, or somewhere that I get nothing but positive feedback from, and I let that cancel out the angry. Much like Teller of Tales right above me said, except that rather than imagining myself to be around a benevolent, accepting entity, I find a benevolent, accepting entity. Few things are more accepting than a pet, and it's amazing the happiness one can get from brightening the day of someone they don't even know, or from being told how much they are loved by people who only know their faults.