T O P I C R E V I E W
Member # 29292
posted 07-13-2009 06:28 PM
I went out this weekend and saw one of my past partner who was abusive towards me. I did not walk right next to him but he was sitting at a few tables away from where I was sitting with my friends. When I saw him, I didn't want to say hi to him and I didn't want him to see me or come talk to me, I was scared and mad at him at the same time, I didn't want to have anything to do with him. It triggered bad memories and I just wanted to leave which I just did.
I thought I was stronger than that, at least I hope I would have been, being able to just sit away from him without it affecting me, I would have felt stronger if I did not feel anything. If you ever met your abuser, what do you think your reaction would be ? Has it ever happened to you too, if so what was your reaction and how were you personnally feeling ? [ 07-13-2009, 06:35 PM: Message edited by: cool87 ]
Member # 41699
posted 07-13-2009 11:38 PM
Walking away doesn't mean you're weak. It means you're strong enough to accept that he hurt you. It could take a long time, if ever, for you to not feel a thing around an abuser, and that's okay, that's how it is, it doesn't mean you're weak. if a dog attacks you, it's going to take a long while for you to be okay with being around that dog again, if at all, won't it?
Personally, I'd have done the same thing as you. If my abuser were there, it would trigger a lot of memories. And some sadness, fear, and rage. Not as much as it would have a few months back (I actually was approached by him via an instant messaging service a few months back, where he was trying to tell me how much he had "changed" and I pretty much told him to go screw himself), so I am overcoming it a little bit at a time, as I am sure you will be able to do but walking away from a situation that makes you uncomfortable is not a bad thing
Member # 42871
posted 07-13-2009 11:51 PM
I'm sorry you had to go through that... I have been abused and assaulted numerous times, and my sister has been raped, so it's doubly hard for me to deal. For starters, I live near and have to walk by the very house where I was taken and forced to view porn once as a 12-year-old, so it's not an issue I can easily ignore. Oftentimes, I get VERY angry and sometimes feel downright murderous when I see examples of men treating women disrespectfully, or trying to take advantage of them. Now, even something as innocent as a catcall can induce rage in me. My last boyfriend, while not abusive, was cunning and manipulative, and tried to coerce me into having sex with him, even though I told him I had a history of fear and wasn't yet ready. Now, whenever I see him or any reference to him (such as the sound of his skateboard) I panic and go into battle mode. so I guess I involuntarily see him as one of my abusers, possibly the worst of all because the impression I got from him was that he broke up with me specifically because I was too traumatized to have sex with him. Honestly, I think I need professional help to get over my anger issues, because it's gotten to the point where I sometimes fantasize and even get wet from thoughts about torturing and murdering rapists in the most painful ways. I KNOW if I ever meet my sister's rapist face-to-face, I will completely Hulk out on him. even though he's over a foot taller than me and way stronger, I don't care, I will find a way to end him. I have revenge issues, definitely, stemming from the fact that I couldn't protect myself better and I let myself be led into the same traps over and over by so many different people. Whenever I catch anyone being even slightly manipulative, it triggers those feelings, even though I have learned to be manipulative myself so as not to fall into their trap first. -----> so, long story short, I have issues! <----- an interesting thing, though, is that, even though I have been abused by both men and women, my feelings of rage are directed toward men only. :/
Member # 33665
posted 07-14-2009 12:13 AM
Onionpie, I think we could have a club for survivors contacted by their abusers via the internet. Mine's done the same twice now. It's just one of the really awful things about the internet, but there are still plenty of great things about the internet, too. (And if you wanna read about that most recent contact, it's
here on the Scarleteen blog.) Jugglernaut, I'm sorry both you and your sister have had to deal with abuse and assault. If you want, we'd be glad to help you find some local resources for victims and survivors. (Too, I understand that desire to protect your sister and seek some justice for her, but putting yourself in harm may not be the best way and may put your sister under more stress and pain. It's one thing to have fantasies like that. Many people do when they or their loved ones are hurt. But acting out on those fantasies is dangerous and can land you in jail. Please, do stay safe.) [ 07-14-2009, 12:17 AM: Message edited by: orca ]
Member # 41699
posted 07-14-2009 05:22 PM
ugh that must really suck, orca. Thankfully this guy has only contacted me once, and since I was in my "extreme rage" part of surviving, I ripped him to shreds and he promised not to talk to me again =P Just in case, I blocked him anyway (I'd forgotten to do that when our little relationship ended, as he'd blocked me and I thought he'd never consider unblocking me).
For me it was a bit different because it had been an online relationship, so this was the only way the guy COULD contact me, thank GOD. But it also made it a bit worse because just seeing his screen name sort of triggered me, as my changing attitude to that little tiny word popping up at the corner of my screen throughout the relationship caused me to just go "ARGH" and explode into tears at seeing that =P This was, in fact, my exact worry about facebook; however I decided I'd look for him FIRST, and thankfully he doesn't seem to have a facebook account. For now. I really hope he doesn't try to contact me again :\
Member # 19081
posted 07-22-2009 05:42 AM
I get how horrible it is to be contacted also. I have become a little obsessed with checking where he is now, because he moved away from me for a while, but tends to come back often, which just really sucks. I check facebook often, even have a friend in real estate in the area who lets me know if he or his friends are looking, its ridiculous, but I just can never feel safe anymore.
I have to work in a place where some of them like to hang out, so i still see them almost daily, and they continue to harrass me about me "driving him away", because they are all friends, i usually say nothing then just go in the back and cry. I don't think I will ever forgive him, and I can't wait to be in a place where he is not in my life anymore. I'm sorry that you all have experienced what you have, and that you have been contacted by them again, I wish there were not so many abusers in this world, I really do.