Member # 19315
posted 06-05-2005 01:44 PM
im sorry for the longness of this message but its a long complicated story.
iv been posteing things relating to my situation, but now im totally lost and confused. heres the story. on and off, for the last year or so, iv been getting depressed and stuff, the reasons for this being my situation with my parents we all live together but we dont all get on, i get on with my dad but not always with my mum adn they argue loads. my mum has a split personality, and sumtimes gets drunk and starts being abusive, my parents are very absusive to each other.iv just started hateing my home, its so miserable and bleak here, i cant seem to get away from my mum, she never ever goes out so im just with her constantly. other than that, i sometimes just feel quite lonely i feel as if i dont have that many friends, i dont have a best friend anymore, so i dont really have anyone to confide in. i just get really annoyed at school and stuff with people, i hate being there it depresses me being there so much sumtimes it just seems so dismal. The hardest thing at the present time, is that because of all my depression and that, it has been having a big effect on my boyfriend, who i love very very very much, weve been together for over a year, and its effected him in such a way that hes getting dpressed aswell, plus he has his own problems so im just adding to them raelly with my own. and because of that, we split up last wednesday, its really breaking my heart,i miss him incredably and because this is all happened through sumthing i cannot control it makes it even worse it just seems so unfair that its tore us apart, and no one seems to understand that. He doesnt like my mum either and neither did my last boyfriend, i feel as if shes just making me unhappy on purpose, they told me that its because shes jealous of me, but i dont know. all i want is to be happy. i cant get out of these phases i have some days where ill be in my houses and it feels like im on a weird trip, i dont know wot one feels like, but anyway, and i just cry all the time, and everything seems so unreal and just horrible, i cant really explain it i feel like im fighting something . i feel though i have nothing to think positive about when people tell me to think positive and all that. i feel as though things are just getting worse for me, people dont belive me but they really are. at the moment i am trying to do more positive things, like go out with friends and treat myself to things. but i just cant stop feelin this heartbreaking pain, i understand that its only been a week since me and my boyfriend spilt but im just worried about it havin long term effects or summat. i so despratly want to get out of this, i know ur gunna say speak to a counciler, but i wudnt realy know how to and stuff. i have tried talkin to student councliers and i even went to the doctors the other week, tho he didnt think id need to go on antidepressants. i dont really know what i can do, i know that depression is alot to put on a relationship. but its through no fault of my own. my boyfriend loves me he said so on wednesday when we broke up he even started cryin at one point, which was upsetting. its just so hard i just want to set things write. beacuse its so unjust. i just hope u understand what im gettin at. please help.