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Message: HTML is not enabled. UBB Code™ is enabled.	[QUOTE]Originally posted by sillygirl182: [QB] sigh I dunno what's with me but for the past 2 months I have felt generally unhappy. Like i mean i do laugh... not often... but sometimes. So i dunno if you can call this chronic depression or not... I have been chronically depressed before... it lasted like a year and half... but that was in Grade 7 and 8 and now I'm well into 10th grade... everyone seems to think my life is so perfect... and when you really lay down the facts i guess at a frist glace it should be. -straight A student -family with parents still together -boyfriend of 8 months who really loves me etc. etc. but it seems i can only find the pessimistic sides to all these. Like... last week when i got my report kid some girl in my math class would not leave me alone for like 45 minutes just because she got a higher mark than me in the class... cause she beat "the smart girl" and i used to be so optimistic... i used to be able to see the good in everyone... but now i find myself avoiding people just so i don't have to deal with them... And i kow this is typical of parents but all mine do is nag. I never get any time for myself. If I simply even want to go for a walk up my street to be alone with my thougfhts or somethig I'm not allowed to leave because "I could be kidnapped or raped or something horrible like that"... i know those things can happen but I live in a small town out in the suburbs that barely has any crime.... but my mom is sooooo paranoid and controling. She even has a rule where I can only go out once on a school night and ih ave to be home by 9. and I am 16. Like tonight... i asked to go 4 houses down the road to listen to my best guy friend's band play on his back porch for an hour. She claimed this would be my one night out for the whole week when i already have major plans with my bf for wednesday cause it's our 8 month anniversary. She won't bend the rule in the slightest... and it's not like I had anything else to do. I have no homework and now since I wasn't allowed to go I am left here to rot at home and do absolutley nothing while SHE gets to go for a walk to get away from me leaving me here with my brother who i don't even get along with at all in the first place.... I guess these complaints are general to all those teenagers out there. But it seems like they have someone to express them to. I don't. At school i don't seem to fit in anywhere... literally there are 2 groups at my school... those girls who say "Oh my god! I was soooo high on saturday... and i was drunk outta my mind" and than there's the type who are constantly in the library studying at lunch. I fit in neither one of these. And although I am friends with all the people in both of these groups.. i feel as though I dont have any solid friendships with everyone. There's only one person I can seem to turn to. And that's my b/f. He really is a best friend to me... but it many ways that scares me. He's the best guy in the world and promises to love me forever but.. at 16 ... how can i believe those promises? And the fact that he is the only one who I can turn to... if i ever lost him... what would become of me.... and when i'm with him i don't really wanna talk about all my probs cause he's the only one that makes me happy... and when i do tell him my probs he is completely supportive and wonderful... but it only makes me dwell on them more... sometimes i just feel numb... i'll sit in my room and just lay on my bed and space out... i'm not sleeping... i'm not thinking... i'm either crying or feeling numb... I guess it;s harder because i'm not really allowed to express how i feel... well it seems that way... like when i cry about something.. my parents say i am being sillly and force me to stop crying... or yell at me until they are so mad at me that they won't talk to me for a week.... which only makes me feel worse... but i bottle it all up inside becuase THEY want me too... nothign I do seems to be for me... nothing.. you know how people have hobbies? things that help them cope with stuff? like drawing? or running? or something... i don't have one.... saying that makes me cry and i dunno why... but i have no realease for anything... i've tried to find something but nothing works... i'm sorry this post is a complete mess... i... i just have alot on my mind and no one to spill it out to... i don't even think i;'ve covered enough here for anyone to understand... but if you make any sense of any of this... please respond.... Not-feeling-so-sillygirl [/QB][/QUOTE]

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