Smurfaretta doll, we all have our weirdnesses. And sometimes, our weirdnesses are little obsessive-compulsive, semi-self-mutilatory things like picking our cuticles until they bleed, or scratching your inner ear until it bled and got infected (what my boyfriend used to do) or picking your zits and then picking the scabs (what my brother used to do) or scratching itches until they bled and then picking the scabs off regularly (something I used to do).
It doesn't necessarily mean you're broken. Honest. It doesn't necessarily mean you're sick, or wrong, or permanently screwed up. It doesn't even mean you've replaced cutting with pickin' yer hangnails until they bleed (which, incidentally, I did earlier today because it was annoying me so I ripped it off with my teeth and it bled all over the damned place).
It *may* be related to your cutting impulses.
It *may* be a form of OCD (obsessive-compulsive disorder).
It *may* just be a passing thing.
Relax, and cut yourself a little slack. Often, these things will become less prominent and less compelling as we grow older, or when we're under less stress (when I am under LOTS of stress, I sometimes do my scratch-until-it-bleeds thing, but it's pretty rare for me to do that now).
My advice would be to keep an eye on it, maybe mention it to your therapist or to a trusted adult, and not to freak out too much about it. The more you work yourself up about it, the more tension you put on yourself *and* the more emphasis you put on the activity. The more you are able to say "Gee, I don't really want to do this, but it's not the end of the world," the less it'll feel like the end of the world.
*hugs* help, too, so here's a big old hug for you. *squeezethesmurf* Hang in there, tootsie, you're gonna be just fine. Because you're not cutting... and THAT, my dear, is an achievement. So there, nyaaah, you just have to suck it up that you're doing good by not cutting and that you have indeed made progress. Nanny nanny boo boo!
Start a Revolution -- Stop Hating Your Body!