T O P I C R E V I E W
Member # 1543
posted 12-30-2000 05:07 PM
my bf of 10 months has had a pretty messed up life and for a long time has delt with hearing "voices". his family has done all they could to get him help over the years but nothing has ever really worked. he has grown to not trust shrinks or the medicin they give him. in the passed shrinks have told him that they would keep things secret but they have told his parents. last june i found out about this by him have a particuarly stressful month and haveing him end up in a hospital thinking he was suicidal. the voices got so load he could hear anything.
about a month ago, i put the point to him that although he has lived this long like he has and although he thinks he's got a handle on it, does he really wanna wait till the day he snaps on someone he loves to dicied now is the time to be serious about medical attention? by my infuance alone, i got him to go to a docter and get medication. now i'm all happy about this but now theres another problem. to do this he is requierd to go see shrinks. medicine won't do much with out 1 on 1 treatment. also the medicine it self is in very small doses for fear of overdoes. (duh) but it's been a month and there is no change. i can scens he's doing a bit of an "i told you so" because i'm guilting him in to do something he doesn't want to and yet it isn't helping him
now i'm feeling bad cause i know i'm in the right but it's not helping him. i know i have infualce over he cause he loves me and doesn't want me to worry, (i also got this boy to stop expirimenting with pot and drinking) but i don't know how to deal with this. he's smart and a good kid. at 17 he should be thinking about so many other things besides mental illness.
Member # 2049
posted 12-30-2000 06:52 PM
Hmm.. interesting.. Probably good that he's not experimenting with pot an alcohol, because there's a possibility they may have adverse reactions with any drugs he may take. It sounds really difficult in that you ant to give him advice, but he's had occasions in the past where even advice from professionals has not helped. I think he really need to decide what the best course of actions is for him, and you can help a GREAT deal by just helping him along and supporting him and his descisions. To an extent at least, probably supporting him in a decision to commit suicide would be wrong, but he probably needs to sort some things out on his own. My guess would be that the best course of actions is to find a 'shrink' who he can trust, or who he can come to trust, and perhaps get him on some medication. Also, get him to ask the 'shrink' about the drug or drugs he may take some time to take effect, and a month not be long enough to notice them, and it needs to be consecutive time probably, not like a month on a month off, then a month back on counts as only 2 times of 1 month, not 2 months on.
Member # 1543
posted 12-30-2000 08:14 PM
well i know he's not gonna commit suicide. thats just not him. he likes life and has alot he's looking forward to and lots of people he cares about and he knows that suicide is a terrible choice.
i doubt he could find a shrink he could trust considering that he feels like they would only care cause they are being payed. (did i mention the ironic fact that my mother is a shrink!::enter twilight zone theme: the main problem is that he is as stobborn as they come and when he goes to shrinks, has his defence up. he barely tells them anything and wastes the entier time sitting there annoying the hell out of authority. it's what he does best. but it's not gonna help him if he doesn't cooperate.
Member # 2049
posted 12-30-2000 08:54 PM
It's hard to force him to say anything if he really dosen't want to. As long as you've told him how you feel, like how you'd like him t try and get help, and that he can;t if he dosen;t help himself by talking to the shrink, it's hard to do much more. I think often, when I am embarrased or shy, I have hidden it behind anger or apathy. Your friend might jut be trying to avoid talking about his problem, which he may be uncomfortable with, by balking authority. Most people have some way of dealing with things they ae unconfortbale with like getting angry or crying or laughing, whatever. You might try talking with him about his problem, and write down a list of things that you think would be releant to treatment, and what has happened so far, so that instead of going to the 'shrink' and having a conversation where your friend just stonewalls the person, you can give this list to the person, and then just go through things one at a time, and maybe only 1 thing per session. It's like breaking down an essay, which can seem like an impossible task into small manageable pieces. But when push comes to shove, if your friend is unwilling to talk to, or find some way of communicating his problem to people who can help him, there may be nothing you can except support him until he changes that mindset.
Member # 2050
posted 12-30-2000 09:03 PM
I think it's wonderful that you are such a positive influence on your guy.
I do not know much about mental illness but I would say you are on the right track. He is seeing somebody and taking medication. Don't expect change to come so quickly. Give it time.
I would think that counselling plays a very large part in his 'healing' process. Is he being receptive to his counselling? (using counselling for lack of a better word) Because if he is not, no amount of medicine or shrinks will help.
Just be there for him and encourage him. If you and him are concerned, ask the shrink why there has been no change so far. Could it be the medicine or could it just be him. *hugs*
[This message has been edited by Lin (edited 12-30-2000).]
Member # 1071
posted 12-30-2000 09:06 PM
As Voostra said, you really can't get him to do anything he doesn't want to. It's great that he's talking to people, but like you said, he doesn't trust psychiatrists or the medicine. So, in a way, he's cheating himself out of getting better.
It seems to me that at the moment, he doesn't want help. He may not feel he needs it, or he may feel that it's hopeless. Or there could be a million other things.
Right now it's best that you're just there for him. Try not to force anything or nag him. But do try to get him to talk to you. Reassure him that you'll always be there for him, no matter what. Get him to open up to you about what he's feeling.
You did the right thing, but that's all you can do. At the moment, he's backed himself into a corner, and he doesn't want to get out. I'm afraid you can't do anything further, he needs to WANT to get better.
One more thing abput medication- Since he just re-started it, and it's in itty bitty doses, they may not have had a big effect yet. Just wait for the results, they should happen.
Mens' magazines feature pictures of naked women. Womens' magazines feature picture of naked women. This is beacuse the female body is beautiful and delicate, while the male body is lumpy and hairy and should not be seen by the light of day.
[This message has been edited by pink (edited 12-30-2000).]
Member # 1543
posted 01-01-2001 03:03 PM
i was talking to him about the whole thing today.
he completely understands that the changes don't happen quick (the docters say 6 weeks. but now the thing is that it's been a month and a half of takeing medication, talking to annoying docter people, and haveing stupid check up that waste his time and he doesn't feel like anything has changed. he says that the next time he goes in he's gonna ask for one of the writen tests to see how he's improved and if he hasn't hes gonna talk to the lady that is perscribeing the medicine, maybe put up with it for another 2 weeks....... but in short he's just gonna quit if it's doing nothing.
i let him know i understand. theres no reason to keep takeing it if it's not working. but i don't want that to just be it and he goes back to normal. i want him to be cured so hes gonna be ok.
Member # 2050
posted 01-01-2001 10:22 PM
You know dearie, it seems to me that he really isn't very receptive of his treatment and that is probably why he is not getting better.
I can't offer much practical advice coz I have never been in yours or your guy's situation but I am sure some people around the board have. I suggest you contact them and maybe they could help you.
Yes, speak to his doctor and ask if this rate of progress is normal. If not, there has to be a reason. He has to speak to his doctor and be open with him/her.
He doesn't seem very enthusaistic about his doctor as well. Maybe he needs a different one. One he feels more comfortable with. But whatever it is, stopping treatment is the worse thing that he could do.
Member # 1207
posted 01-01-2001 11:42 PM
Ya know what sweetie... mental illness is just a part of life. It's not a good one, but it's still a part of it.
I've been dealing w/ severe depression for just over a year now ... I was on meds and i honestly didn't see a change in myself either. My doc told me that it's common among younger people (ie, teenagers) to not see a difference with medication, but if there truely is a difference, no matter how little, others should be able to see it. Now, I know he's the only one that can hear these voices, but do you see a change in him at all? How is he dealing w/ them?
Just like there are millions of colours in the rainbow, there are other types of medication he can be on. I was also told that any sign of the meds working should come w/i the first 6-8 weeks. Is he on Lithium? I believe that was the drug that was most used for schitsophrenics (that's not spelled right, sounds the same i think) ... but i'm not sure. There are other medications though, he just needs to ask about it. Doctors can't read minds, even psychiatrists!!
If he doesn't like the doctor he has now, he should get a new one. Tell him to ask his doctor for a referal to another one. He's not going to hurt her feelings ... A doctor is only as good as the help she's giving her patients. If he feels that he will do better w/ someone else (maybe another male?), then she should be more than happy to allow him the freedom to go elsewhere ... referal and all.
I think you're boyfriend is really lucky to have you. It's hard dealing w/ any kind of mental illness, and even harder when those around you don't seem to understand or even care ... and you're doing both. You remind me of MY boyfriend ... weird