T O P I C R E V I E W
Member # 1476
posted 10-29-2000 03:46 AM
Okay...this is hard for me to type, and it may seem a bit jumbled but i'm just typing how i feel. My dad died at the end of last month, having been dying of a brain tumor since...about 4 years. throughout the illness my family and i had to cope with a very risky operation, mental illness, and him gradually losing the ability to talk,walk,eat etc.it was so traumatic, but throughout it all, i blocked it out, and pretended i was okay...all i wanted to feel was like a had a *normal* homelife, not my once atheletic father rigged up to a breathing machine and catheta in my sitting room. towards the end i thought i couldnt take much more, i thought about killing myself all the time, but something in me told me to hang on...and i thoght maybe once it was all over, i'd feel okay, be able to get on. now its the opposite. i feel as if my whole world is falling apart. at first my friends were concerned and said they'd always be there...but the fact is they arent. one of my best friends seems to have found someone more exciting, and she lives for sleeping around,clubbing and being drunk. my other friend promised to go to a fair with me, the first time i'd left the house for ages, and she knew how much it meant to me - the night before she cancelled to go clubbing with my afore mentioned friend. i feel so alone and awful. on top of allthis, i have my gcses not too far away and my self esteem is zero - i feel stupid, unwanted, and really ugly ( all boys reject me in the end ) I just don't know what to do, i'm a mess. i can't even kill myself asd i couldn't do that to my family after whats just happened, but i don't want to live, because i all i feel is pain and rejection.
Member # 1071
posted 10-29-2000 04:54 PM
Stop what you are doing right now.
All of this has taken a huge toll on you and you really need to relax. Take a few days off, and do some stuff for you. A lot of things will help make you feel better~exercising, for one. And find some better friends, they never were really their for you id they abondon you for a club.
I'll also recommend seeing a psychologist. Grieving is normal, but it sounds like you have problems within yourself. A psychologist will really help.
And for the last cliche: it WILL get better. Honest to God it will. Good luck, honey.
u arent worthless if you can make someone laugh ****************** there is a difference between being stupid and being ditzy. i ought to know
Member # 1371
posted 10-29-2000 07:50 PM
I am so sorry for the loss of your father.
Listen, you've just been through what is ranked as one of the most stressful and life-changing experiences for almost anyone; losing a parent, especially losing a parent to a prolonged illness. You have every right and it is perfectly normal and okay for you to feel upset, sad, depressed, angry, and all shades of awful.
My grandmother died in May, very suddenly. It is not the same as losing a parent, but I can tell you that I have experienced many of the same feelings that you are feeling, including the desire to just suck it up and forget about it.
Grieving takes a long time, and so I can't tell you that you're suddenly going to wake up and feel okay. But while you are grieving, you do need the support of others. That includes your friends, but it could also include a minister or a counselor if you attend a church or some other place of worship, a school counselor, a professional counselor, or a support group for people who are also mourning the loss of a parent. I couldn't tell you how to get to those resources in your area, but hopefully you can track some down.
I've found a list of links to sites about grief and bereavement at
You might want to check some of those out and see if they have any support groups located in your part of England. The sites might also provide you with some information.
and I have to echo what pink said about taking care of yourself. Do what's good for you, and don't be afraid to grieve and mourn. My thoughts are with you.
Member # 1476
posted 11-02-2000 12:55 PM
Thanks...it's nice to have someone give me practical advice rather than say how sorry they are,that they're always there blah blah. I took your advice and took a couple of days out of school and just had some me-time- long baths,reading,catching up on sleep...and mainly thinking. I just feel really isolated, I'm not the same person. I used to be so lovely and happy - it seems i've forgotten what real happiness even feels like. also, how do i go about gettig a counsellor or someone to help me sort out how i feel? what u ppl said made me realise that i cant grieve properly if i have issues with myself to contend with.
Member # 1071
posted 11-02-2000 06:27 PM
well, i think the easiest way is to look up 'psychiatry' in your phone book. call one of the numbers. or your school or your local hospital probably has a counselor you could talk to.
im glad you took our advice, and i hope you feel better. i kno how you feel about changing. it happens to me a lot, i just wonder what went wrong? but nothing went wrong, and its not my fault. since youre in school, im presuming your a teenager (like me), and the hormones in our play can really mess up our minds. sometimes it'll take drugs to corrct a problem like hormones, sometimes theres a real problem that involves something more. but to reiterate, it will get better. good luck, honey.
Yeah, well I'VE got blood dripping out of a hole between my legs, do YOU?!? there is a difference between being stupid and being ditzy. i ought to know