T O P I C R E V I E W
Member # 37353
posted 10-20-2009 10:07 PM
A recent conversation about using extra lubrication with condoms with a friend of mine got me thinking: How come my peers think it's odd to use lubrication during sex? Anytime I've brought up the subject of lube with my friends it's been a response "You use that?", with the implied "Lube is for anal sex or old people". Before I became consistantly sexually active and discovered Scarleteen, I thought along similar lines.
And obviously, not everyone wants to use lube. However, I find it kind of silly that a lot of people in my age group have these preconceptions about it. So I was wondering: Have you felt this way before, or presently feel this way about lube? Have you noticed a pattern of this line of thinking among teens? Where do you think this attitude comes from?
Member # 3
posted 10-20-2009 11:12 PM
Ultimately, I think a lot of those attitudes just come from unrealistic ideas people picked up about sex, including the idea that "natural" sex doesn't require a lubricant, or should not, unless something is wrong with someone. I also get the impression sometimes it has to do with people, especially young women, just not feeling assertive or confident enough to ask for whatever extra things they want or need, or think may make things feel better, with sex. I think sometimes, too, male partners have some ego invested (or rather, misplaced) when it comes to the idea that female partners who really want them are always lubricated enough, But I'd say this stuff usually seems to come more from women than from men.
One big flaw with that attitude about people not needing or using lube is that history doesn't support it: based on what we know, people have used lubricants of various kinds for as long as people have had sex. This piece might help: http://www.scarleteen.com/article/advice/the_i_dont_want_to_use_lube_blues (And no, personally, I have never had an issue with this. However, I also grew up with one parent who was very sexually progressive, and I also came of age queer, which I do think makes a difference, particularly since I was never very impacted or impressed by heteronormative expectations. I'd say that, all in all, this is a straight-people issue, when it's an issue at all.)
Member # 38698
posted 10-21-2009 11:01 AM
I have never had an issue with it--I always just thought of it as another fun thing to shop for to enhance the experience. I have way too many different kinds of lubes just because I think they're fun.
My boyfriend is not the biggest fan, because he hates the way lube feels on his hands (whether water-based which gets sticky and smells a bit or silicone-based which stays slimy forever and is hard to wash off). He is often quick to offer to try lube-less sex. We could probably do that now that I am more used to penetration (know the angles, etc), but lube just makes things so much easier, and I think he does appreciate that. The "straight-people issue" is probably true, maybe less in the sense of sexual orientation and more along the lines of straight-laced versus flexible/open-minded. I am very open about sex and willing to try new things, while my boyfriend is pretty utilitarian about it (when asked if he's a "butt man" or a "breast man" his answer is "I'm a vagina man."). But he's also bisexual, so I'm not sure it's tied to orientation as much as your general attitude toward sex.
Member # 3
posted 10-21-2009 11:24 AM
When I said what I did, about that, what I meant was really heteronormativity.
In other words, that it's a very heteronormative attitude -- just like the heteronormative idea that vaginal intercourse is THE sex, and good for everyone -- that lubricant is something women (and it usually is made to be about women) only need if something is amiss, not right, someone isn't attracted, what have you. Heteronormative ideals of sex often tend to leave women's pleasure and enjoyment out of the equation, especially if that pleasure doesn't confrom to the ideal. And straight people tend, understandably, to be more vulnerable and impacted by heteronormative ideals, and tend to aspire more to them, than those of us who are not straight.
Member # 41657
posted 10-24-2009 06:19 AM
Lube rocks, as far as I'm concerned, I haven't had partnered sex but it makes masturbation much more fun, I love the stuff, though I've realised that in my sexual fantasies I don't tend to think about using lube even though I'd require it in real life, and having a partner who didn't have hang-ups about it would be a huge turn on.
Member # 45663
posted 02-03-2010 07:06 PM
To be honest, I never really thought about using lube for sex until I read some articles on here and how important it is. My boyfriend doesn't seem too keen on the idea, but I'm definitely going to insist. I have used it for masturbation - it certainly helps~
Member # 3
posted 02-04-2010 06:44 PM
Can I ask why your boyfriend isn't keen on it?