T O P I C R E V I E W
Member # 40220
posted 09-19-2008 04:41 PM
Recently, I've been seeing situations dealing with people who are taken(in a relationship) yet they got hit on, sometimes even frequently, by friends/strangers who are AWARE that they are already in a committed relationship.
Now I would like to ask everyone what their own personal opinion is on that. Whether or not you personally would do something of that nature, find it acceptable/unacceptable, etc. This would also tie somewhat into the ethics behind being an "accomplice" to cheating. Aka - having a relationship or being intimate with someone you know has a spouse/partner of any sort. So feel free to bring up your thoughts on that in your message too if you'd like. No right or wrong answers, just your personal opinion.
Member # 37835
posted 09-19-2008 09:07 PM
Personally, as someone in a committed relationship, it makes me really uncomfortable when people flirt with me or ask me out to do something in a way that it's clear that it's more than friendly. It's harder now that I'm in a long distance relationship, because I go to a small college, and when my boyfriend still went here, people definitely didn't do it. A couple guys have "persisted" and aren't inclined to take "no" for an answer... and I know they wouldn't do that if my boyfriend were still here. Stuff like that just makes me angry, because it tells me that they used to leave it alone out of respect for my boyfriend, not out of respect for me. And it bothers me that they think they can convince me to leave my boyfriend, when I've made it clear that I a) won't and b) wouldn't be interested in them anyways...
All of that said, sometimes you don't know if someone's in an open relationship, or what they really want. So I don't necessarily see something wrong with testing the waters, I just think it's wrong to treat someone in a disrespectful way, which does include lying to any party involved. So essentially, I think it's wrong to do anything dishonest, in particular anything that puts someone at risk for STDs without their knowledge. So being an "accomplice" to cheating does seem wrong to me, because cheating implies lying in a certain type of monogamous relationship.
Member # 3
posted 09-20-2008 11:14 AM
I'm a personal accountability junkie, myself. Not knowing is a whole different matter. But if a person knows someone is in an exclusive relationship and pursues or engages in something knowingly against that person's relationship rules, they don't get a free pass from responsibility because they're not the one in the relationship. quote: Stuff like that just makes me angry, because it tells me that they used to leave it alone out of respect for my boyfriend, not out of respect for me. atm1, that was so well worded and so apt. Plenty of people have described being in that situation before, but I think you hit the nail on the head with that sentence. And yes, obviously infuriating.
Member # 28394
posted 09-21-2008 09:49 PM
Hmmmm... I tend to think that becoming sexually involved with someone in a relationship makes you part of that relationship and have the power to influence it, and as spidey says: power = responsibility.
And even if it is only the agreement between the people in the monogomous relationship that is being breeched... the terms of a cheating relationship are that you "ok" that breech which is cruel. [ 09-21-2008, 09:58 PM: Message edited by: PenguinBoy ]
Member # 33376
posted 10-02-2008 08:52 AM
i wouldn't. i advised a friend not to when she was thinking about it and she feels better for not acting on it now that she's seen how happy this guy and his girlfriend is, that she didn't potentially split them up