T O P I C ††† R E V I E W
Member # 76266
posted 11-27-2012 03:09 PM
Hi guys. I have a question for everyone. Any advice here would be hot.
I basically split up, for good, with my ex just over a month ago. Saw it coming, she dumped me, I actually feel liberated, bah bah bah. Chapter closed. Still friends. Story goes on. Iím also in my third year of University and Iím a committee officer on our degree society. We had a social (a students gathering with alcohol) about two weeks ago and I ended getting really drunk and sleeping with this girl, who is also a committee officer on our society. In all honesty, it was probably the best sex Iíve had, and Iím a little smitten. (which is also weird as I normally hate drunk sex.) We then had sex a second time in the morning whilst sober. Now, this girl and I knew each other before hand, but not very well. Since sleeping together, weíve started hanging out a lot and over the last week, I think Iíve seen her almost everyday. There hasnít been any sexual contact between us, minus an occasional cuddle and at one point a massage, since we slept together. Its important that I say that she is from Norway, is doing her degree here (south coast of England) for three years, and has only been in the country for a few months. And is really mature for her age, which is 20. Anyway, about 3 days after it happened, we met for coffee and I basically told her Iíd like to see her again, sexually. I was polite, yet confident, and essentially told her that if she didnít want to go any further then it was fine with me, but that I at least wanted to see it she was interested in me. Well, while she was a little taken back that Iíd asked her, she wasnít freaked out, and basically said that sheíd like to hang out with me more and see about things. Well, Iíve seen her more than most of my mates lately so Iím guessing she doesnít dislike having me around. I did explain to her that I had recently broken up with someone and wasnít looking for anything serious, whilst she said she wanted something casual and no serious commitment (owing to the fact that she is new to England Ė rest should be obvious.) Anyway, so that was about a week Ĺ ago. We shared a bed on the Friday at a house party but minus cuddles and massages, nothing happened. In fairness, in the context of the house party, Iím glad about that, since the host acted like an idiot and I took the blame for something she did (which I wasnít bothered about.) Anyway, so she knows I like her, I think she likes me. Iím not sure where this is going right now. It has the potential to be something fun, but nothing as happened between us since and while I donít mind too much, given that Iím not that insecure about things, I am wondering just where things are going. We see each other all the time, get on really well and including everything else above, Iíve had several people ask if we are dating. My issue is Iím not certain where I stand with her. And while I almost donít mind, since Iím not looking for anything serious, I am curious as to what the experts think on this. Do you think I should chase her up on things? Or is it worth just seeing where this ends up? Iím trying to be calm and casual but this is on my mind more often than I care to admit. Also, just on a light note, weíre both committee officers with positions of responsibility and I think just about everyone knows what has happened between us. Apologies if this feels somewhat ill-composed, Iíve just got home and am heading to the gym within the next half an hour so Iíve rushed a bit. Please feel free to ask if Iíve not been clear. Charlie.
Member # 90293
posted 11-27-2012 05:42 PM
HI Charlie and welcome back, as I see you haven't posted here in a while.
It sounds as if you and this woman get along very well. When you say you're not sure where things are going, are you referring to sex specifically, to the "status" of your relationship, to both, to something else entirely?
Member # 76266
posted 11-27-2012 06:16 PM
Well, to both I think. I mean, we've broken the barrier of seeing each other naked and the attachments that come with that.
I think what I'm wondering is are we going to go to bed again? Does she need time to decide if she wants to do anything (I include everything from casual sex to full blown dating in that) or is she just not interested full stop? (I'm doubtful of the last one but still.) Basically, where do I stand with her is what is on my mind.
Member # 2297
posted 11-29-2012 01:03 AM
I think the best way to find out where you stand with her is to ask her. Of course it's important to do it in a way that doesn't put pressure on her (especially to answer in a particular way) but if you're unclear, she is the only one with the answer. Of course, it's entirely possible that she's still making up her mind about you - people do that at different speeds and even though you may know what you want and where you're headed she may not. It may also be that she's into you, but she's not interested in having sex again for the moment. Can I suggest that you read: ? It might help you with talking about sex with her, which seems to be what you're wondering most about. Be a Blabbermouth! The Whats, Whys and Hows of Talking About Sex With a Partner Marion
Member # 76266
posted 12-09-2012 03:04 PM
Okay, so there has been a development in this whole thing. Basically, weíve been hanging out a lot lately, although there hasnít been anything serious until recently. I actually made a decision last weekend that I was going to abandon chasing her, since I had concluded it was just a one night stand for her and that this was the end of it. There hadnít been any serious sexual contact since. We were hanging out a lot, texting each other frequently and such. But I got the impression that was it.
Then on Thursday night I was meant to go to a club with her and some of her friends, which I bailed on as I had loads of work to get on with. Feeling slightly boring about being a no show, I sent her a text inviting her to a party on the Friday night, which a group of old mates from another University were hosting. Anyway, so not knowing anyone there, she came along with me and we got moderately drunk, although not as bad as last time. I then invited her to stay at mine (intentions were strictly honourable Ė I live 5 minutes from my mates house, whilst she lived about 30 minutes away.) Anyway, we went back to mine, and after she raided my book shelves (I study English literature, which she is interested in), just got undressed, right in front of me, and climbed into bed. The rest should be fairly obvious. After some cuddling and the like, we then had sex several times throughout the course of her stay. I dropped her off home at about 7.30 in the morning, and then we met up a few hours later to go to this event at our university. Then we hung out for several hours, went for lunch and finally parted company around 4. During that time, we talked a bit about the night before. Content was fairly flirtatious, but not over the top. We seemed pretty comfortable talking about it and didnít seem to mind talking about it generally speaking. It was just the two of us throughout the day. I guess Iím taking the whole keep it cool, calm and casual without reading into it a great deal but Iím just wondering what you guys make of this? I think I got my answer about whether it was a one off or not. We break up for Christmas on Friday and Iím not sure if I should find out for certain before we part company for the holidays. I dunno, I guess Iím just thinking about the next move. I really like her, Iím still not looking for anything other than fun, but Iím really interested. And what should the next step be? (Sorry another disjointed email Ė Iím going to meet a friend for a run again and this time Iím late!)
Member # 56822
posted 12-17-2012 09:31 AM
Scarleteen staff and volunteers, any thoughts?
Member # 90293
posted 12-17-2012 10:08 AM
I'm sorry this got overlooked. I'll repeat what marion said above. The best way to know what is going on is for you and this woman to sit down and have a conversation. So far, things have been happening seemingly of their own accord (though we always have a choice in what we do) and and you seem unsure of what to make of all of this. Instead of guessing, how about telling her how you feel, what you've been wondering and thinking about, and asking what her thoughts and feelings are?