T O P I C R E V I E W
Member # 97567
posted 10-29-2012 09:12 PM
I mean this probably happens to everyone but...my girlfriend and I split up this weekend...after a year of being together, she left me for a man...a guy who until very recently, I had thought of as my best friend...I'm just heartbroken...I just cannot understand what happened...how two of the people I trusted most in this world could just off and leave me shattered on the side of the road...Help me
Member # 95710
posted 10-29-2012 10:34 PM
I'm truly sorry to hear about this. Break-ups may happen to everyone, but that doesn't make them any less painful or significant when they do happen. Knowing that they do happen to everyone does give one comfort in knowing that they are not alone, however - as sometimes, when we're grieving over the loss of something or someone, we feel as if we are alone and no one can understand how we're feeling. I'm glad that you're willing to tell us about this - have you told anyone else? Telling a close friend or family member might help. You'll get more than one avenue of support, and you can have some in-person care and comfort during this time. Even if you don't want to tell anyone about this now, just asking for time with someone dear to you - or asking for a hug or just having some alone time to heal and to do the things that you love (favourite movies, tv shows, books, exercising, going for walks, writing) - might give you some relief. I know how much it hurts to lose someone you care about so deeply, and to have the break-up involve a friend seems like double the burden. I know this will sound horrible, but if you feel like you'd like to, maybe try letting out all your feelings. I hate crying, but I always feel a bit better after I do. Write a letter, cry, listen to music, read - do something that gushes out your emotions. It might help you feel like you're less burdened inside. I'm really sorry that you are going through this. I think that, right now, it might be best for you to take some time for yourself right now, instead of thinking about everyone involved. Focus on taking care of yourself first, and feeling better (and feeling better doesn't mean a super-fast recovery - just doing some simple things to make yourself feel a little bit more okay, like art if that's a passion of yours ). I know how hard it is to try and feel okay or to attempt to pick yourself up - I'm in no way saying this is easy - but surround yourself with people who love you. Remind yourself how much of a blessing you are to others and that you're important. I've found that focusing on other projects sometimes helps me feel better during these times. Are you in school at the moment? It will sound weird, but studying, writing, or even watching tv might give you a momentary distraction and may diminish a lot of the crappy feelings for a while. And it does feel good to focus on other stuff for a time, too. I truly hope you feel better. Sleep, eat hearty meals, and even indulge in some of your favourite snacks. Take some time for you - you deserve it! Please take care of yourself, and remember that you're not alone in this - talking to someone might help a lot. Please keep us updated and feel free to talk if you'd like. [ 10-29-2012, 10:36 PM: Message edited by: copper86 ]
Member # 97567
posted 10-30-2012 09:16 AM
Copper: Thank you for you're support and understanding. I get what you mean by doing something that makes me happy, so I think I may take up writing again. I've told my sister about this and she's also been a big help. She keeps me distracted so that I don't get all weepy and depressed. I'll definately keep y'all in the loop.
Member # 95710
posted 10-30-2012 10:38 PM
How are you doing today? I'm glad that you're rekindling an old interest, and that your sister is helping you. My brother fills the exact same role with me (along with the occasional "I'll throw him into the street!" threat that he never follows through on but makes me feel protected ). Please remember that it's perfectly fine to let your emotions out if need be. You can always spend some time letting out your emotions in private, or just give yourself some space and go for a walk or somewhere private to let yourself feel your emotions. I know - I hate doing that, and I often try to suppress my tears and hurt feelings, so I'm definitely not saying that this is easy - but letting yourself grieve will help you. I love writing! I write so often that I never finish my stories! What do you like writing about? Have you ever heard of NanoWrimo (National Writing Month)? It's an organization that hosts a worldwide contest to write a novel (50,000 words) in a month. It's November of every year. It's so much fun! You record your progress on their online site (you update your word count and can even paste in an excerpt of your story), make writing friends, and read other people's excerpts. If you reach 50,000 words by or before November 30, you are a winner! I did it for the first time last year and loved it! I highly recommend it! They send you writing and encouragement messages through the site - it's so much fun. You might like it! I hope you're okay, and please take care of yourself.
Member # 97567
posted 10-31-2012 03:45 AM
Copper: Today, I don't know how I'm feeling. I have to see my ex today for the first time since we broke up. There's just so much I want to say to her and most of it isn't too kind. Crying isn't my favorite thing in the world, but believe me I cried most of the weekend. I haven't heard of that contest but I'll definately look into it. It sounds like fun. Thank you for being so supportive. I don't know you, but this means alot.
Member # 95710
posted 10-31-2012 10:24 AM
I understand exactly how you feel. Seeing an ex for the first time is very painful. I have varying emotions myself - I want to cry, go away, or punch them out. But being angry at someone is often something that will make you feel bad eventually - as in, it takes its toll on you and weighs you down - and though you have every right to be angry at those people, I kindly suggest that you don't let that anger eat at you. When I get angry, it truly does plague me until I get rid of it. It's a hard and long process, I know, but try to think of things that make you happy and try not to dwell on your angry feelings. Sometimes I vent out my angry feelings by having conversations with the person in my head, or I pray about it, or I rant about it to myself. Doing this in private seems to steady me a lot, and though I know everyone is different, maybe this can help you. Please let us know how things went with your ex. I'm so sorry that you cried - I know how excruciating it is to cry like that - but I'm glad that you're letting out your emotions. Remember that it's perfectly okay for you to feel whatever you want and to take your time grieving and healing - there is no time limit, and I'm one of the people who take a very long time to heal, so I know how hard it is - this is the time you take for yourself, and you deserve the very best. NaNoWriMo - National Novel Writing Month (sorry, I forget "Novel" in my last post!) is a lot of fun! You can Google it if you like. I already can't wait to write! I'm one of those people who write also as a way to get out of whatever situation I'm going through (I love the notion of going into another world, even one I've created); but you can also do that with books, tv, movies, and other types of art. Not really knowing how you're feeling is normal. It's understandable not being able to put how you feel into words, or to not care how you're feeling, or to just be in a "blah" mood. Sometimes, your moods change so fast that you have no idea what's happening. Don't worry about it at all. Talk to your sister if you'd like - I often just hug my brother or even text him and that makes me feel better. Take care of yourself, and I hope you feel okay today.
Member # 97567
posted 10-31-2012 02:15 PM
Today went a lot better than I expected. I had a rough morning due to a completely unrelated situation with my mother and that put a damper on my mood. But the I got to school and I saw my ex and her new boyfriend or whatever he is to her(I didn't bother to ask). She looked right at me and she gave me this look, like it was my fault we broke up. I wanted to punch her in her throat. But then I thought all the other people who are important to me. My friends, who were waiting for at breakfast; my sisters who are always there even when they have no idea what's actually going on; and my father. I love that man dearly and he's taught me so much. I decided to take a page out of his book and just let it go. Just take a deep breath, smile and move with my day. And it worked. I know that I'm no where near being 100% healed but I'm making progress. I refuse to let one girl ruin my life and then make me feel guilty for it. On a different note, yeah I'll look into that NaNoWriMo...tonight I'll google it..Thanks for the info and for listening to my little rants... you are much too kind.
Member # 90293
posted 10-31-2012 05:11 PM
You've got lots of determination! It sounds like you have a very clear sense of what you do and don't want to put up with. Sounds too like you have a really supportive network of family and friends too. Break-ups, by their very nature, feel icky, so don't be surprised if things are up and down for a while. Please let us know if you need any support.
Member # 93271
posted 10-31-2012 07:55 PM
I recently went through a big break up and I'm feeling pretty angry and hurt too. I just wanted to say I found your response to smile and move on with your day pretty inspiring. I actually got a little weepy reading it. I hope it gets easier for you and I wish you the best!
Member # 56822
posted 11-01-2012 03:58 AM
All the best! It's amazing how the universe seems to help you out when you are being positive! It is so important to be positive and recognise the good things you've got, I think it's safe to say everyone has at least one thing in their life that can be considered beneficial.
And by focusing on goodness, you seem to naturally get a lot of it back! You still have human emotions, but what you focus on is what you tend to get more of (so optimism and pessimism can be both considered self-fulfilling prophecies). [ 11-01-2012, 04:02 AM: Message edited by: WesLuck ]
Member # 97567
posted 11-01-2012 04:36 AM
Smarties: Awh. I'm glad you found it so inspirational. It felt good too, actually, to not focus on the bad things. Like Wes said, things work out when you stay positive...Thank you all for your support...you're amazing human beings
Member # 56822
posted 11-01-2012 08:54 AM
Yes, it's amazing just how often good things happen when you keep your positive focus.
It doesn't mean you are unaware of other stuff, just that you make positive things happen more when you focus on them. [ 11-01-2012, 09:02 AM: Message edited by: WesLuck ]