T O P I C R E V I E W
Member # 95913
posted 07-27-2012 03:10 AM
So a lot of you know that I have been voicing some problems I wanted assistance on with my long distance girlfriend.
She left me with only a "Im sorry, its over" No word why, no nothing from anyone. I've been feeling increasingly alone, coupled with the huge sense of loss and my pre-existing depression and all the stress i'm going through right now that my parents seem to think not stressful at all. 2 of my friends died due to suicide last week. 1 family friend Sgt. Beynard was found dead from an unknown COD, he was in a coma for 6 weeks prior. I have also lost a friend due to my own ignorance failing to realize that a topic previously unknown to me was a source of pain to him (The topic was very trivial) I understand that this is a sexual education site, NOT a relationship or mental help site. but BY GOD I NEED SOMEONE WHO UNDERSTANDS THE PROBLEM.... I've been losing massive chunks of sleep, in fact, i'm writing this at 1:07 AM. There has also been a recurring pounding headache that I feel whenever I start to feel lonely. I have been hanging out with the people I usually do, but I don't really feel connected anymore.. can someone help me? please...for god's sake...can someone help me?
Member # 95710
posted 07-27-2012 06:38 AM
Arthur, I am so sorry about everything that has happened to you. I cannot imagine what you are going through. Dealing with an out-of-the-blue breakup (something I myself have dealt with) is certainly not an easy task; and two deaths on top of that... I'm so truly sorry.
What I would suggest to you kindly (as I know from experience that you can't just turn on a switch and say, "From now on, I'm going to relax!") but please try and get some rest. You need your sleep, and you need to take care of yourself during this time. How do you usually sleep? Do you usually sleep through the night? Do you have a bedtime routine that you usually follow? Try doing those usual things before bed; and turn off anything that will distract you - your cell phone, your computer, etc. - and have some time for yourself. You can try looking online for any tips on how to fall asleep naturally. Something I've learned about grieving over the loss of someone - be it the loss of the relationship we cherished or the loss of someone close to us - is that the suffering is not a race. Healing and dealing with a situation is done at one's own pace. I'm not sure if you want to know a reason for the breakup; and if you do, maybe once you are a bit more adjusted to everything that has happened to you, you can ask then (unless you think it would truly help you if you had some answers now). Please do only what you can handle. I will be thinking of you!
Member # 56822
posted 07-27-2012 07:53 AM
Best wishes! I echo what Copper86 said.
-hugs for Arthur-
Member # 91788
posted 07-27-2012 09:33 PM
Hey, Arthur. I'm so sorry that you are going through such a hard time right now. And I'm sorry that your parents are not supportive. I suffer from depression and have experienced an abrupt end to a relationship with a loved one, so I understand how you feel. It's okay to feel grief, sadness and hurt right now. Let yourself feel whatever you are feeling. Let yourself cry, if you need to. Listen to sad music if you want. Talk to a friend if you need to. You are indeed going through a lot of stress, and it's time for some self-care.
Do you have any coping strategies to deal with rough times like these? What makes you feel better? Do you like to listen to music? Write in a journal? Paint? Sing? Play an instrument? When you are experiencing difficult emotions, use a healthy avenue to help you manage them. And, remember, when you are feeling despaired or hopeless, that this is temporary. I have some suggestions regarding sleeping that might or might not help you. Do you go to bed at the same time everyday? A regularly established bedtime helps you to be able to get much-needed sleep. Before bedtime, try not to do any stimulating activities, such as reading an addicting book, using electronics, etc. Do something that helps you relax. You can take a bath if that helps. Listen to relaxing music. Do some stretches. Take deep breaths. Conscientiously relax your muscles, starting from your feet to your head. Is there someone, like a friend, teacher, or counselor, whom you could talk to and reach to for support? Do you see a therapist for your depression? If you do, I would highly recommend for you to talk to him/her. For someone who has a pre-existing mental health issue, grief and loss can be extremely difficult to bear. I am concerned that your parents are not supportive. At a time like this, you need a support system. Please take care, and I hope that some of what I'd said might help. Come here anytime to vent or talk if you need to. -hugs for you if you want them-
Member # 56822
posted 07-27-2012 11:50 PM
-more hugs for Arthur-
Member # 79774
posted 07-28-2012 08:57 PM
Hi, Arthur. I'm so very sorry for your losses.
copper and Sans above say some very sensible and caring things, so I'll try not insult them by repeating them People react to loss in very different ways, and need different things around loss; so it's possible that the people around you just aren't good at recognising or relating to what you need. Feeling disconnected from the people around us can also be something that happens when we've experienced our world changing in such big ways so quickly - it's very disorientating, on top of everything else. Also, it can be fair enough to not know how to relate to people who just haven't experienced that kind of loss in their own life yet. You've experienced a significant amount of loss in a short time. That's really, really hard going, and I'm not surprised you feel upside-down. I'm not sure how we're supposed to Not be upside-down in those circumstances, really. I think it's a different kind of tough, too, if we lose people to suicide. With what you say about one of your friends, I'm wondering if you're meaning that you feel in any way responsible for what happened? Do you know if there are any bereavement organisations anywhere near you? With you expressing what you are, I'm thinking it might be helpful to you to be able to talk about how you feel with someone who can support you and help you work through and process what's happened.