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Post A Reply Login Name: Password: Message Icon:                                                                       Message: HTML is not enabled. UBB Code™ is enabled. [QUOTE]Originally posted by beingaleaf: [QB] Thanks so much, copper86! I like the name too :-) It's from some of my favorite poetry. I really needed to hear someone say that feeling like this is normal, I think. More than that, I needed to hear this: [QUOTE]Originally posted by copper86: [qb] I do not think you are crazy at all; or that you were "the crazy one," as you put it. [/qb][/QUOTE]He attacked me a lot for not dealing well with my depression- which, in retrospect, is laughable- and so I think that I came to generally feel like I was genuinely crazy. Which, you know, is part of the whole abusive thing- he was gaslighting, or grooming me, even if not consciously. [QUOTE]Originally posted by copper86: [qb] Him "being normal" on YouTube can be how he is portraying himself to the online community. I can't speak for how he is feeling since I do not know him; but perhaps he is also thinking about the break-up and is just "hiding it from view," so to speak.[/qb][/QUOTE]I think what threw me so much about this is that towards the end of the relationship, I only saw him being, at best, incredibly difficult and bullying, and I've described the worst above. Seeing him be a well-seeming person was just... surreal. I'd forgotten he could be like that. It was very off-putting in ways I can't quite figure out yet. [QUOTE]Originally posted by copper86: [qb] Calling someone a "bitch witch" is very rude and degrading; and I do not think saying that - especially to mutual friends - is appropriate at all. [/qb][/QUOTE]This is one of those things I'm of several minds on. First, I do agree with you, and it's really good to hear you say that it wasn't appropriate. Then again, it makes me glad to hear things that indicate that he's not all okay- that he's still mad (partially because it makes me feel better in a very schadenfreude way, partially because it makes me more confident that he won't come back and I won't take him back, because I don't want to fall into that again.) [QUOTE]But, regardless, any kind of abuse - emotional, verbal, or physical - is not okay and if you felt threatened or in danger, then I think you have every right to keep your distance if you so choose. You say that he has anger issues; so if he does indeed have them, then him bullying you and making you feel bad is not your fault. Him needing help with his anger is not your fault; and it is his responsibility to try and get better. [/QUOTE]Just... thank you. You have no idea how much he tried to make out that I was the only one with problems, I was the only one causing problems, etc. [QUOTE] When you feel so depressed and upset, you need to focus on yourself first. Think about the people in your life who care about you - your family, your friends, your co-workers. All those people represent your support system. And even if you only have a few close friends, that often equals a very strong and supportive help system, too. [/QUOTE]I do have a pretty good support system here. A lot of it, however, was either 1) waaay too privy to the details of the breakup (he went through a phase in the last week or so of talking about our problems in an extremely exaggerated and biased way with everyone but me) and have therefore been uncomfortably judge-y, or 2) were really distant from my relationship with him (like my church people, because he didn't like my church.) I really appreciate this place because it lets me get a completely outside perspective on the whole thing. [QUOTE] I wish I could say more things to make you feel better... I know this must be a very hard time for you, so try to take care of yourself first; and do what you need to do in order to get through the day. Take each day minute by minute if need be, and don't beat yourself up about anything.[/QUOTE]You said lots of things that helped. Thank you, again. :-) [/QB][/QUOTE]

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