T O P I C R E V I E W
mizchastain
Member # 32224
posted 05-16-2012 11:40 AM
I didn't have a problem telling my parents, but I did run into problems explaining to some people I know. They didn't believe it meant anything other than friendship (I don't like to use the term "more than friendship", because friendship is actually much more important to me than romance). I don't really know how best to get across that just because I don't want sex doesn't mean I'm incapable of romantic love. I considered calling it "the opposite of friends-with-benefits", but that's a bit flippant and I'm not sure it would get my point across entirely. I do understand that it might be a weird concept to some people, but it kind of annoyed me that they didn't take my word for it.
Heather
Member # 3
posted 05-16-2012 11:46 AM
I think one of the biggest troubles with this, especially to older generations, is that so much of the time romantic = sexual to people, either in their experience, how they understand those terms more generally, or both. In other words, nonsexual = platonic = not romantic. And the only other option is sexual, which thus = romantic. So, if you're up for more explaining, and want to help them try to understand you better, it might help to explain what "romantic" means and feels like for you. [ 05-16-2012, 12:17 PM: Message edited by: Heather ]
plain milyeh
Member # 32511
posted 05-17-2012 10:23 AM
Romantic friendship? I like those.
mizchastain
Member # 32224
posted 05-17-2012 03:41 PM
Honestly I'm having difficulty putting it into words to myself. I do know it feels different from just being friends, but exactly how is hard to say.
Heather
Member # 3
posted 05-17-2012 03:49 PM
Can I try and help by asking questions to help you find some clarity? If so, how about maybe starting by comparing a contrasting a non-romantic friendship that's important to you with a romantic relationship that is or has been? How were your feelings different? What was different about those relationships? If you were to seek out a friendship and seek out a romantic relationship, what's different about what you'd be looking for? Mind, might I also ask how important it is to you, especially given how important friendship is to you, for other people to grok this? In other words, what do you feel like you need other people to understand for? How will them not understanding impact you?
mizchastain
Member # 32224
posted 05-21-2012 02:13 PM
It's still quite hard for me to put into words. Friendship is so important to me now because I have very little experience with it and it's only recently that I've been able to make good friends. It definitely feels different, but saying precisely how it is different is difficult. I can say that I'm a lot more open with him. We talk about sex even though neither of us has plans to put it into practice, and that would probably sound even weirder to someone unfamiliar with the concept, but it works for us. We've both helped each other through difficult times, he's seen me at my worst and he's told me about his worst points from before I met him. I have told some of my friends about my difficulties but not told them all the details, while I can tell him more about it. It helps that he's had a lot of the same problems I've had, so I know he knows what it's like, and I actually feel a bit awkward that I've had fewer opportunities to help him (though I wouldn't wish problems on him).