T O P I C R E V I E W
Member # 95068
posted 05-02-2012 06:47 AM
I was wondering whether any of you could help me with long distance.
I'm in college and have been with my boyfriend for two years. We live in different parts of the country when not on campus, so at least twice a year our relationship becomes "long-distance." Those breaks have never lasted more than six weeks, though, since we've been near each other for some part of the summer. This summer, however, we have jobs far apart. Visiting is too expensive and too inconvenient, so we're not going to see each other for three months. I'm worried and scared of being alone for so long. We're not joined at the hip: we have our own friends and spend a fair amount of time apart on campus, but we still see each other most days. There's Skype and email, but it doesn't replace in-person interaction. We're not the type to do letters. Plus we'll have a time difference. Can anyone offer advice?
Member # 95068
posted 05-04-2012 05:17 AM
Also, I just found out he's going to be even busier than I thought in the fall semester, so now I'm worrying about what it will be like when he gets back.
moonlight bouncing off water
Member # 44338
posted 05-04-2012 06:36 AM
Hey fiveanddime, sorry that this got looked over, Heather is out and so it's taking a bit longer than usual to get to things.
Do you feel like it is worth it and workable for you to continue this relationship via long distance and in the new school year when your boyfriend will be busy? Do you earnestly desire to continue the relationship that way, or is it more that you enjoy the relationship as it is, but the relationship will be changing out of necessity and you're not sure what way of changing it would be best? Is breaking up, even just for the summer, something that you and your boyfriend have discussed? Also, you may find this article helpful. http://www.scarleteen.com/article/relationships/going_the_distance_a_few_thoughts_on_long_distance_relationships
Member # 95068
posted 05-04-2012 07:50 AM
Thanks for responding!
We've always been busy with schoolwork and extracurriculars, and we're used to it. I realized that it's not productive for me to worry about next year right now because I can't know what it's going to be like. If he cares enough about making our relationship work, he'll make the time. If he doesn't, then we'll need to reconsider. We ARE capable of long-distance: we do it at least twice a year, as I said. But the thought of not seeing him for three months is scary because we've never spent this much time apart, and it's hard to know what it will be like. I'm not sure breaking up for the summer is a good idea. It would relieve the pressure of finding time to Skype, but I think I'd be very focused on the fall and geting back together. Also, I really want to be with him! I'm more sure of this now than I've been in a long time. I need help with coping. And the article is helpful, definitely, though I'm looking at a more temporary LDR than those in some of the scenarios described.
Member # 95710
posted 05-08-2012 10:26 PM
I think long distance relationships are doable if you are truly invested in making it work. You already have some practice with it; so that is a very good start. Do you text a lot? You could always text; but I'm not sure if you'd get roaming charges or extra charges due to where you will be during the summer.
Have you had any friends (or have one of your parents) been through these types of relationships? Maybe your parents would have some insight for you. If you do decide to maintain the relationship through the summer and into the fall when he's busy, try and remind yourself that this is not a forever thing - that you will get to see him more often in just a little while. Keeping focused on that might help you get through not seeing him for a while. I know what you mean about missing him and not being in the same place all the time... It's really difficult and you get anxious and stressed over it. But again, it sounds like you both care for one another; so put that into the mix of being away from him for a while. As far as coping goes, you can always hang out with friends, read, watch your favourite movies, or do school stuff (which isn't always a fun distraction; but I found that homework and studying did help me forget about other stuff). Three months seems like an eternity, I know; but keep thinking about the reunion and the times you'll spend via Skype or over email. Keep positive!
Member # 95068
posted 05-13-2012 07:44 AM
Thanks for the thoughts, everyone. I'm excited for my summer, but I'm just worried about how things are going to go with him. He'll need to make an effort, and sometimes he just lets me arrange things and doesn't try enough.