T O P I C R E V I E W
Member # 72015
posted 02-11-2012 11:10 AM
First off, I'm 18, an only child, and I'm a senior in high school. I go to a boarding school about an hour away from my home, and this is my third year there. I have my driver's license, and when I'm at school, I do whatever I want, am responsible, and independent, but when I'm at home, my parents are pretty restrictive.
I've been dating my boyfriend for almost 15 months now, and both of my parents like him a lot, and they know we're trustworthy and responsible. He lives 2 hours away, and when we have dates, we usually split the distance, travelling about 1 hour each. My mom has accompanied me on every single date we've had. The first few times, okay, I understand, but now? I see no reason why I can't drive an hour to go spend the day with him alone. I'm a very responsible driver, and she knows he's a good person. It's really getting annoying, and I don't know what to do. She won't even let me drive to the mall, which is less than 45 minutes away, and she begrudingly lets me go to the grocery store alone. I'm getting a car for graduation from my grandparents, and I'm really concerned she won't let me use it at all even then. I'd really like to visit my boyfriend at his house this summer and spend lots of time with him before I go to college. Also, my best friend wants me to visit her over spring break, and she lives 3 hours away. I hardly ever get to see her, and I don't want my parents to have to accompany me then. It's just so much hassle when I could just drive myself. I know lots of my friends do stuff like this, and some are even younger than me. Another thing, we went to the same friend's graduation party back in December. I was fine that my parents came too because they were invited, but the thing is, my best friend and her mom really wanted me to bring my boyfriend with us (his house is even on the way, not extra travel at all), but my mom wouldn't have anything to do with it. What made me even more testy was that my friend's mom, when we got there asked why I didn't bring my boyfriend, and I told her my mom wouldn't let me. She said, "Ahh come on, you're 18. You've gotta become independent sometime." Oh, one more example - my boyfriend came to visit me this past summer. He and I were going to go to my grandparents' house for lunch, and she lives only 5 minutes away. It took a lot of convincing to finally let my mom let us go over there by ourselves. What, am I going to be less responsible at driving with one other person in the car? Are we going to pull over and have unprotected sex? We've never done anything irresponsible before, so why would we suddenly change our minds? I'm going to college this fall, getting a car sooner than that, so what's a few months got to do with it? When I'm in college, I'll be able to do what I want, go where I want, so why can't I do even a few things now? Am I being unreasonable, or are my parents just overprotective? I would understand more their strictness if I had been a bad kid, but I'm not. I get good grades, don't drink or do drugs, drive safely, obey rules, and I've only ever had one boyfriend in my life, and we're safe with each other. I just don't get it...
Member # 35643
posted 02-12-2012 04:32 AM
I must say, you sound like a very responsible person to me
. What happens when you try to discuss this overall situation with your parents? What do you say, and how do they respond?
Member # 72015
posted 02-12-2012 07:27 AM
It's like a "just don't talk about it" kind of thing. If I say, "Hey, can I go to so-and-so this weekend?" they'll say, "You know you can't go there alone!" It's reall frustrating. :/
Member # 42505
posted 02-12-2012 03:07 PM
You can try telling them you want to talk about something (ie not after asking to go somewhere or do something and having them say no, but in a neutral setting). Try to calmly state your position - you are responsible, an adult, all the stuff you have told us - and then say you want to know why they don't want you to do things alone. Try to listen to their side of things and be understanding. Then maybe you can come to a compromise based on what they are worried about or their reasoning with their rules and what you feel you need.