T O P I C R E V I E W
Member # 53543
posted 10-06-2011 07:04 AM
So, this year was supposed to have been the year I went to university.
Last year though, when my year group were graduating high school I was dropping out about four months before the final HSC exams, following a short period in hospital after a bad case of depression. Now, however, I am fully recovered and off meds, and I try to give the last couple of years (with regards to said health problems) very little thought. I'm also hoping to have my HSC by the end of next year. What's prompted this post however, is the way I've been seeing all of my friends pass particular milestones while I still feel like a kid,(I'm 19 by the way) All of them are now at university, most have casual jobs and can drive, have new friends, boyfriends... It's kind of like I just lost a couple of years and now have to try and play catch up. I find it really embarrasing when I go out with friends and anyone (who doesn't know me) asks what I'm studying and I have to tell them I haven't finished high school yet... Any advice? [ 10-06-2011, 07:30 AM: Message edited by: Wren ]
Jacob at Scarleteen
Member # 66249
posted 10-06-2011 12:05 PM
In my opinion your friends aren't growing up faster at all. In any of the years they've done the things you describe, you've experienced so much, and in the same way as you haven't had their experiences, they haven't had yours. Even the hardest parts of the past few years will have taught you a great deal about life and it's just you've grown up in those ways rather than in other ones. If you approach things which for you would be milestones you won't be approaching them like a younger version than yourself, but as who you are now. Now at the same time, it can easy to accidentally follow with how other people think they are growing up ahead of you... Also, a lot of the things you mention are things that some people have never done, and it doesn't mean they're not awesome. It just means they're coming at everything from a different perspective, and have lived, either by choice or by accident, life in a different way to their peers. So perhaps just focussing on what's good for you next in your life keeping in your mind that you're not behind other people, your're just on your own road, and it just doesn't look the same, could be really great for you. Seriously the world is your oyster (or vegetarian alternative). [ 10-06-2011, 12:05 PM: Message edited by: Jacob at Scarleteen ]
Member # 79774
posted 10-06-2011 06:57 PM
What Jacob said! I finished school a year later than my original year-group friends, and then later dropped down a year in university, all due to mental health issues. I relate very much to what you express about feeling that other people are moving on - I felt that way too. But really, what Jacob said is so true. It's really apparent that those people have experiences I haven't had, and I have a whole host of experiences that they haven't had. In terms of how You feel about it, remember to be proud of yourself. I believe that it's harder to go back and complete a particular course of education when it's been disrupted and you've had health problems, and really most people in the world who are vaguely aware believe that too. You've really achieved something, certainly as much as your friends have. In terms of what other people think about it, I honestly think that most people don't care that much. There's a bit of idle curiosity, which can be awkward to know what to say to if we don't feel like explaining our health status to that person - and we shouldn't have to if we don't want to. Really, once you're 19, and from now on, one year or less age difference doesn't make a noticeable difference. If anyone wants to judge someone else by the things they have or haven't done in their life so far, particularly if that person is only 19, then I think it's the person judging who needs to grow up a bit and learn some things about the world. Perhaps it might also help you to know that the older you get, the less this kind of thing matters. For example, not everyone goes straight to university, and then some people take extra time there or time out for many different reasons; going into the work-place, many people spend several years in different jobs that maybe aren't quite right for them or quite what they want to do while they work out what they do want to do and how to achieve it. In the meantime, focus on what you want to achieve and the things that you already are achieving. In my own experience, I found that the person who minded and noticed the most that I was still in high school was me. If you treat it as no big deal, most people will see it that way too.
Member # 33376
posted 10-09-2011 05:49 AM
i'm turning 23 and i still feel like my friends have grown up before me. don't spend your time worrying about it, things will happen for you. your friends haven't gone through what you have so you need to take it at the pace that is right for you