T O P I C R E V I E W
Member # 60178
posted 03-27-2011 05:55 PM
I've been having trouble with my best friend lately. We've been best friends for almost 5 years, and we've always been really close. But there's always been a certain dynamic to our relationship; she has had countless boyfriends (or friends with benefits, one night stands, etc..) but she still has very low self-esteem and self-worth, and I have always been there to comfort her. It's usually her who needs me more than I've needed her, mostly because she always has some kind of drama going on in her life, and I'm a little bit more independent and laid back. A few months ago, I got a new boyfriend. He's only my second one, but things have been going really great, and he makes me really happy. My family likes him, and all my friends like him except for my best friend. I noticed first when she started to act weird whenever he hung around with us in school, or if I ever left my group of friends to be alone with him, or if I even talked about him or our relationship. So I asked her about it a few times, but she always said it was nothing, but finally she came out and told me she doesn't like him. She didn't give me any reason, either, just said there was "something about him." This bothers and upsets me, because I have always been so close with her, and now I feel sort of betrayed and alone. Now I really need someone to talk to, about all the scariness and newness of a serious relationship, and I can't talk to her about it. I'm also really confused as to why she doesn't like him; My boyfriend and I are both mature and responsible, and in no way am I in an unheathly relationship. I still see/hang out with all my friends just the same as I did before. Sorry, this post came out longer than I expected, but I really am having a lot of trouble with this I don't know what to do, and I don't understand my friend. Is she just jealous? Is she actually a bad friend, and I never realized? I've actually started to notice things about her that I didn't really mind before, like how controlling and demanding she is, but that might be just because I'm kind of mad at her right now. Can someone help me understand this, and how to handle it?
Member # 58992
posted 03-27-2011 08:21 PM
In my opinion, you should tell your friend how you feel. Say that you are hurt that you have always been there for her and that she isn't right now. She could not like him possibly because she is jealous. Maybe you spend time with him when she wants to hang out, or she feels like she is not getting the attention she wants. You should be sure that she knows how you feel though because it seems like she is the only one with the problem. Also, maybe you should bring up that you are always there for her and you feel alone at times when she is supportive like you are. If she becomes upset, give it time though, and if she doesnt come around, this could mean she isn't the best of friend. If she is controlling though, this could be a real problem, so talk about this with her and see where it goes.
Member # 51221
posted 03-27-2011 08:51 PM
Just from reading it sounds to me like she is jealous. Not necessarily jealous of your boyfriend but of you. It's possible that with her low self-esteem she is agonizing about why she doesn’t have the same happiness in a relationship as you. Maybe she is scared that she doesn't deserve a good relationship. I have no idea if this is accurate but it's just a different angle to look at.
Member # 60178
posted 03-28-2011 01:21 PM
Thank you for the replies, guys. And clm1994, I have already tried to be honest with her. I told her how much it upset me, and that I felt like she wasn't there for me. She responded by saying that we will always be friends, and that she'll always be there for me. But we've been drifting a part anyway.
But you're right, I will try to bring it up with her again. I appreciate your help.
Member # 60479
posted 03-29-2011 08:31 AM
I agree with summerchill, it does sound like she is jealous. My best friend is in a complicated relationship right now, and sometimes she acts that same way.. she doesn't have good judgment of character so she gets the jerk boyfriends, and all my boyfriend's have been good guys.. so that's why i think this is a little bit of jealousy your friend is showing.. if your boyfriend has any friends .. maybe try a double date? Try helping her, find a good guy that can make her feel confident again. Hope this helped a little bit, good luck.