T O P I C R E V I E W
Member # 43343
posted 03-04-2011 10:46 PM
Not entirely sure where I'm going with this, but it was a bad situation and I think if anyone has any thoughts on my situation it'd probably be a good thing.
So I recently came to the conclusion that I didn't much want to be in a relationship anymore, and wasn't feeling as good with my boyfriend as I used to - wasn't excited about talking to him, our little disagreements on friends and me leaving for university really get to me - and wanted out to rediscover who I am (because I just don't feel like me ever since I broke up with my last boyfriend) and enjoy my life. I've just moved away from home to study as well, and want to enjoy myself you know? A lot of my friends and family members don't actually like my recent ex, due to some manipulation/childish behaviour/some hurt I've been through because of him. I can see that, but I also loved him and he was crazy for me, I just wasn't feeling that so much in this relationship. So they're with me for support here, but it's very hard. It's a pretty messy breakup and he's incredibly upset. Because I want to be single and have the freedom to see what I want and make choices, as I think a relationship might not be for me at this very moment, he thinks I'm going to go have sex with everyone on campus and that I'm a massive slut. He actually called me that. He's "crushed" by what I've done and I "fooled" him into thinking I wasn't a slut, but I'm just another one. He also added that if I talk to him again, he still has naked pictures of me (which at the time were sent with love and trust, and I can't believe he doesn't have the decency to delete them!). He's also had a rough week, he doesn't get out much and hang with friends like I always want to, work is getting worse for him, and with me not there - and me being his life, as he told me - things are absolute shit. When I suggested I wanted to be single, he told me he wanted to kill himself and when I called said I was lucky he hadn't taken sleeping pills already and had been looking at websites on how to do it painlessly. Looking at all this, I'm REALLY glad I'm getting out because even if he's nice while we're together, it's not worth staying with him. But I hate the guilt and self-doubt he's put into my head - I wonder if I really am a slut, because last night I went out with some of my dorm-mates and the residential advisor (a third-year student) who takes care of us, and ended up dancing with a couple of guys, kissing them a tiny bit, and giving one my number with the possibility of going out again (I just don't want a relationship for a while though). My ex says I was special to him, and did a great big speech about it, but at the end basically said because we aren't together and I'm doing this, that I'm not, and that gets me too because I haven't been confident about much ever. But that sort of having fun isn't slutty to me, really, because I don't really think it is. It's almost a social norm to dance in a "risque" style now, and I'm certainly not giving up anything to guys I've just met because I still have my standards and morals. I just wanna be ME and figure out what that is. So it is a bit of a rant, but in conclusion I'm still feeling a bit awful because he's basically threatening and blackmailing and manipulating me, texts every few hours even though he wants ME to delete HIS number so we don't talk anymore, put the ideas of sluttiness and non-special-ness into my head, I'm not nearly as upset as I was with my last breakup (probably because I've fallen out of love) and am trying to move on and find myself straight away, and I'm not really sure where I am with all this or who I am still. I know I should probably go see a counselor on campus soon about this, but does anyone else maybe have some tips? Like about the picture thing, or texting thing, or self-image?
Member # 43343
posted 03-04-2011 10:55 PM
Also, one of the main reasons I was afraid to break up was because I thought I might subconsciously be doing it to have a chance with one of the guys on campus who I know are interested in me, and that this was definitely a "bad" reason. At least, I think it is. And yeah, I'd be happy to get closer to one of the nice guys who don't seem to have any issues, I just don't want it to be the only one. But I think right now it is actually just for me and the freedom and escape.
Member # 54626
posted 03-05-2011 02:10 AM
I'm afraid I don't have a lot of advice about the blackmailing and whatnot; I wouldn't really know how to deal with that.
About the texting, though, is it possible to block his number? He's very clearly manipulating you. Is there someone close to him or someone who sees him often that you can talk to, who is okay with you, get them to check up on him, and with that, cease all contact with him completely? I know he's hurting, but what you're doing certainly doesn't sound slutty to me either. It's good that you know he's being manipulative and saying things that aren't true...so it's best to not let him be able to get into your head at all, I guess?
Member # 43343
posted 03-05-2011 08:11 AM
I've made friends with a lot of his friends and I think they'd probably do that for me. We've mutually agreed today to not talk for a few days at the very least and he seems to be a little better so it's easier now. Don't know if I can block numbers on my phone though.
Pretty sure the main reason I recognise it and can act on it is my friends, because they are so completely blunt with me about it. Telling me it's not good for me and so on. Which helps a lot! But he still gets in my head easily :/