T O P I C R E V I E W
Member # 43289
posted 01-04-2011 10:55 PM
So I'm from Arizona and currently studying abroad in England. When I left, I planned on only staying for the year and avoiding any kind of romantic attachment so I wouldn't be heartbroken at the end of my year.
Needless to say, that plan epicly failed. I started dating and eventually fell in love with an Englishman I met my first week at my host university. We've now been dating for three months and this is the happiest and healthiest relationship that I've ever been in. I came home for the holidays and we've managed just fine long distance for the past four weeks with the combination of skype and email. We've talked a lot about what might happen at the end of my year abroad and come up with some reasonable solutions. For a great many reasons of which he is only a small part I have decided to apply to graduate school in England at my current host university. I have so enjoyed my time there thus far that I could easily imagine staying longer. However, I am very open to the possibility that that could change over the next six months that I'm there. He has also decided to apply to grad school in the states in case I don't get it. In the meantime, I have still have to go home at the end of my year abroad to finish my undergrad degree. During that year we agreed to take turns flying over to visit each other as much as our budgets and schedules will reasonably permit. I'm aware that this relationship is still very new and a lot could change over the coming months. But I just need to know, for my own peace of mind, that this has a fighting chance of working if we do decide to stay together. Have any of you had a trans-continental romance? How did it work out? Is my relationship doomed? Any advice would be much appreciated.
Member # 3
posted 01-05-2011 11:18 AM
Oh, the best-laid plans.... (as it were)
I don't think any relationship is doomed merely because of distance. I find it helps to remember that there were a lot if times in history when that was how a majority of people's relationships started or went for a while. I mean, if people could start and sustain relationships via letters during wartime, I figure we all have it pretty darn easy. With any LDR, the biggest issue is just if people have the investment and some resources to find ways to keep in good communication despite distance. If you're doing something besides postal mail and email to stay in touch, that obviously costs some change, as do visits. But I'd also not forget this is a new relationship, distance or no. Three months is still pretty much just starting out (and most relationships will be awesome in the first few months), so again, distance or no, I'd bear in mind that this is something new, so not get TOO bogged down with long-term planning just yet.
Member # 50947
posted 01-07-2011 11:24 PM
My current boyfriend and I were long-distance across the Atlantic for about five months last summer, so we're living proof that it is possible. That said, it's not easy. It's much harder to be in a long-distance relationship across the ocean, in part because it's much more difficult to see each other regularly and in part because the time difference can complicate communication.
When you were home over break, it's likely that you could talk to him in the morning and afternoon (his evening), whereas you might not be able to do that when you're back in school because you'll likely be in classes at those times. My boyfriend and I were only able to talk for an hour or two via AIM once a week for the time he was abroad, and I can tell you that's not a good way to keep a relationship going long-term. It was hard on both of us, but we knew that there was a definite end in sight, which helped. Having an end to the long-distance aspect of the relationship, which you seem to, really helps. Sometimes you'll find yourself wondering why you bother, since a relationship like that can seem like more work than reward, but knowing that you two can be together after you graduate should help. The other important thing to remember is how important communication is in a long-distance relationship. Communication is important in every relationship, but that's even more the case when you don't have nonverbal cues to understand how the other person is feeling. You have to be able to rely on each other to say when you're feeling down or confused about the relationship or whatever. Caveats aside, long-distance relationships are definitely possible, even across oceans, and I wish you the best of luck, whatever you decide to do.