T O P I C R E V I E W
Member # 47739
posted 08-11-2010 09:59 PM
I broke up with this guy months ago. We dated for years, and it was the first and only big relationship for both of us, so over that time each of us had said stuff like "I'll love you forever" and talked about being together until we were old. (I feel like almost everyone in long-term committed relationships talks like that.) What I feel bad about is that I meant all of that stuff at the time, but now since we're broken up obviously I've turned myself into kind of a liar.
I'm worried that this feeling of guilt is going to screw up future relationships for me. Like I'm either not going to properly express my feelings because I'm going to intentionally NOT say the "I'll love you forever" type things, or I'm going to say those things and then feel obligated to stay with someone so that I don't make a liar out of myself again. I'm not anywhere near being in a relationship right now, so it's not an urgent concern, just something that's been on my mind. I guess I'm just wondering if anyone else has ever felt like this? And if the guilty feeling will go away eventually.
Member # 41194
posted 08-12-2010 07:36 AM
I know that you might feel guilty, but I assure you that it is ok to feel this way and that it is also normal for your feelings towards a partner to change.
I actually had a really similar situation happen with me. I dated a guy for 3 years (we were each others first serious relationship) and he ended up breaking up with me, but during those 3 years we talked about the future together, wanting to get married, and wanting to be together forever. That obviously didn't happen for us! Haha. But after that relationship ended, a while later I got into a relationship with a new guy I met at college. After forming bonds with my new boyfriend, I realized how much my first relationship had been lacking and I even realized that I never loved my first boyfriend, even though I thought I did at the time. Now I'm definitely not saying that you didn't love your boyfriend, but what I am saying is that its really normal, and common, for feelings to change! I think with time you will get over the feelings of guilt and will realize that it wasn't bad that you told your ex that you wanted to be together forever, and then broke up with him. It's all a learning experience, for both of you! Plus, keep in mind that you didn't intentionally want to hurt him because at the time, being with him forever was something that you wanted. It's ok to change
Member # 47739
posted 08-13-2010 07:10 PM
Thank you, loveyoumake! Your post made me feel a lot better. It didn't help that this guy totally guilt-tripped me for a week right after we broke up, whining about how I promised to never leave him. I told him that I was sorry and that feelings change unexpectedly sometimes (pretty much exactly what loveyoumake said!), and for some reason lately I've been thinking about him and wondering if he was right to make me feel bad. But now I know better. =) Again, thank you!