T O P I C R E V I E W
Member # 43289
posted 06-29-2010 07:45 PM
I'm having some issues with my best friend.
(long, sorry) First of all, she's been a really great friend to me. She helped me get out of an abusive relationship (let me stay at her house, helped me get into counseling, and was generally there for me) and through a generally really rough period of my life and we have a lot of fun together. The last few months there have been some mounting frustrations between us. Things started getting tense after her boyfriend of several months left to spend a semester abroad. Even though they hadn't been together for very long and had even fully established that they were together, she's had a really hard time with his absence. She misses him a lot and neurotically over-analyzes all of his emails. I do my best to be supportive even when I think she's acting a little bit nuts. Since I ended my abusive relationship, she's very "protective" of me when it comes to new guys. I'm kind of a closed-off person anyway and the aftermath of this situation certainly didn't help much. But she coaxed me out of my shell and for a good while I didn't feel comfortable being at parties or hanging out with guys without her. Lately, I've gotten more comfortable and I go out on dates like everyone else but she still feels the need to meddle. She'll talk to my prospective partners behind my back to tell them that I've been abused and doesn't give me the chance to tell them myself. She's told me that these days I often "ditch" her for dates. That is partially true, and we've adressed that conflict. After things fell through with my last potential partner I told her that she needs to stop meddling because I can take care of myself. She was understanding and agreed to back off but I have yet to see if she'll stick to that. Things got kind of crazy last week. Last semester, we were taking a bellydancing class together. Her mother was totally supportive but my parents don't know because I knew they'd dissaprove. She is often very critical of my relationship with my parents because I don't tell them a lot of things and I'm very financially dependent on them (hey, I'm a college student. . .it's fairly normal). She, on the other hand, has a very open, very warm relationship with her mother but has zero financial dependence on her. She sometimes jokes about how I'm "spoiled" but I've already told her that I don't appreciate that kind of talk and she's taken it down a notch. Anyway, so she makes clothes as a side job. She agreed to make my costume for our bellydancing performance and I'd write her a check later. She never told me how much I owed her or that she needed that money to make a car payment until a few days before the payment was due. So she called me, told me I owed her almost 300 dollars and that she needed it immediately to make the payment. I told her the truth and said that I didn't have it but as soon as my paycheck came she'd get her money. She was not pleased and said that if I didn't get it to her she'd just call one of my parents and ask them for the money. She was also going to tell them all about bellydancing. When I told her that I could get cut off if my parents knew I was spending their money on bellydancing stuff and she didn't care at all. I had to lie to parents to get them to give me the money so she could make her car payment. This happened a few days ago and I was planning on letting her have it the next time I saw her because I'm so infuriated with her behavior. But then her aunt who she was really close to died suddenly. So far I've been there for her but I bit distantly. Should I tell her I'm angry ASAP or should I wait for things to settle down with her aunt's funeral and all? Or better yet, is this friendship salvageable? I'm seriously having my doubts now that I know that as soon as she has a bill to pay she'll gleefully throw me under the bus.
Member # 43289
posted 07-02-2010 06:26 PM
Please help me. I'm having a really hard time with this.
Member # 36725
posted 07-02-2010 06:57 PM
Hey pantokrator: Sorry this was missed over. Sometimes when other posts come in after we will miss over one.
Had the two of you talked about this pricing of this costume beforehand? Knowing she offered to make the costume, it's a good idea for things like this in the future to have a set limit about what is and is not an acceptable amount for someone to expect (and too, I'd mention to her that you do plan to pay her back, but she can't expect that you have that kind of money right there and then when she hadn't previously talked to you about the expected amount.) It's probably best to give her a few days to deal through things on her own with her family loss, but it's something you definitely need to speak with her about sooner rather than later. And it's really NOT okay on her part to break those confidences with you like calling your parents.