T O P I C R E V I E W
Member # 42892
posted 05-16-2010 07:33 PM
So, I've been in a long distance relationship since September when I went away to college (and had an amazing freshman year) and my boyfriend of six months (at the time) went to Germany for the year. We were planning to take a break for the year, until he went away and we knew that we were not done and wanted to be together. We kept in touch, and have kept good contact throughout the year. In exactly one week, I will be going to visit him in Europe to go on a trip we've been planning since September. I'll be there for two weeks and we've planned an amazing trip to a bunch of great cities. I'm also visiting a friend of mine, but I'll be spending the entire time with my boyfriend.
I'm so excited for this trip, but it is scary to see someone who I haven't seen for so long. I've always had a thing with anticipatory anxiety (and all kinds of anxiety, really) and I'm just so antsy to GO. It's making me nervous to see him again, even though I'm so so excited. I'm also incredibly excited to be in Europe for the first time. I mostly am just posting this to vent, but I just get overwhelmed sometimes with anxiety, and then I get so nervous...I've had small bouts of anxiety throughout the year, but I think that being reunited with him might even just dissolve my anxiety. I think I'm just afraid that the anxiety won't go away once I'm there, even though I feel as though it will. Thanks for listening =)
Member # 20094
posted 05-16-2010 08:42 PM
I don't know if you wanted any feedback on this, or if you just needed to get it out there, but it's pretty normal to be nervous before something big like this: being reunited with someone you haven't seen in a long time AND traveling to somewhere you've never been before is a lot of experience crammed into a relatively short time. So, I wouldn't say that what you're feeling is anything out of the ordinary, especially if you're prone to anxiety.
If it helps at all, I've been in pretty much exactly the same situation, and the last few weeks before I left I was antsier than I've ever been in my life. But it all ended up going really well, and even if it hadn't, I did have a backup plan to go traveling on my own. Do you have some other options in case something doesn't work out with him? Other places to stay? A travel plan of your own? One thing that helped for me was knowing that even if I got off the plane and something just didn't click anymore, I was still in an awesome place and could still have a lot of fun on my own.
Member # 42892
posted 05-16-2010 08:53 PM
While I do appreciate the advice on having a backup plan, we've planned this for so long and while maybe that was a way of relieving your anxiety, I don't think that's right for me. Plus, he's excited for everywhere we're going as well and he's planned a lot of it which is wonderful.
We won't be alone the entire time, and I know I am prone to anxiety. I know this is normal, but I let my anxiety take control sometimes and I get overanalytical about small, insignificant things. He's a very calm person, and when I was with him before, I was generally a lot less anxious. I'm excited to see my friend who lives in Germany as well, but this is me reuniting with my boyfriend, and 11 days after I come back to the USA, he'll be coming back for the entire summer before college. We used to talk all the time about the summer and everything and I'm excited for him to be home...but I also get nervous about that. But that's further in the future than our trip, so I know that once I get there it'll be okay.
Member # 42892
posted 05-16-2010 08:55 PM
but it really helps to hear from people who've been in similar situations =) thanks.
Member # 3
posted 05-17-2010 09:13 AM
This sounds a whole lot like a situation I was in in college with my then-partner (who oddly enough, is my partner now again, but we had a long lapse in between).
I remember feeling very similarly, especially since I as harboring some resentment about his going abroad for months and months in the first place. I wasn't totally sure we'd be okay when I got there, even though we were both very excited to see each other. All that anticipation CAN feel like pressure for things to be perfect. Ultimately, I think this is just one of those things where you just go and see what happens: there's really no predicting what will. It may or may not be everything the two of you expect, but that's okay with this, just like it would be with any other time in your lives or your relationship. And like you said, in the case that it's really different than you expect, you have a friend you can see, too. My backup was doing my own course of study abroad, which worked very well, even though things were just fine between us. In the meantime, how about putting that anxiety into creative things? For instance, you can write it all in letters or do some kind of project you can leave with him when you leave after this trip.
Member # 42892
posted 05-17-2010 10:15 AM
Thanks for the support. The thing about my anxiety is that even though I tell myself he can make it better, no one actually can until I embark on my travels. I do think I'm anxious about how things will be, but I'm anxious in a way that's not grounded, so it's just all this anxious energy.
I've been journaling a lot and that's been helping, and I really like that idea of making some sort of project for him...When he left I made him a little something, and when I leave Europe he'll only be there another 11 days until he's home but I want to make sure he knows that I'll be here when he gets back. I'm not waiting, I'm just here like I have been. It's just hard because I do feel that our communication has been different lately and I think it's both of our nerves. I think that he's just waiting for me to get there to really talk to me again, not that we don't talk. I've told him about my anxieties in the past and he's always been super supportive. I think right now, things will be okay, I just need to distract myself, and I really am trying.
Member # 42892
posted 05-17-2010 07:10 PM
My anxiety's been a lot better today, and I'm feeling much less on edge. =) I'm getting really excited to visit Germany, Austria and the Netherlands and experience Europe, a place I've always wanted to go.
And I'm also feeling a lot better about seeing my boyfriend again. Throughout this entire 10 months I've had small bouts of anxiety, but I knew one day it would come to this. I think generally he and I just dealt with it differently, and he isn't an anxious person like me. But I know it'll be extraordinary to see each other again. =)