T O P I C R E V I E W
Member # 35546
posted 04-08-2010 04:49 AM
I love my boyfriend. We've been together for almost two years now and save for the occasional feelings of insecurity, I've been very happy. He says he has been very happy too, and it seems like I am the one who has voiced more concerns than he has over the course of our relationship. When I raised issues in the past about his ex girlfriend who still keeps in touch, he has answered my questions candidly. I guess it is fair that he doesn't volunteer the information... but yeah. Sometimes I still worry about her.
It's trivial things that I've learned that sometimes eat away at my security when I overthink things. For instance, I think he gave his last girlfriend a necklace, and when they broke up he said something along the lines of how it would always be a symbol of what they shared. Now, I know this is going to sound really shallow but... while our relationship is great, I don't feel like he's done anything as romantic as that for me. I mean, sure he once cooked me dinner as a Christmas present (a Christmas present that was delayed for a month and a half). This year was no different. He ended up giving me his "Christmas" present just last week... two board games and a pair of handcuffs. :/ Now, while I don't have a problem with the presents... I just kind of feel like... he doesn't see me the same way he did his ex? He's hinted before that he loves me and sees a future between us... but does that mean I can't look forward to any romantic gestures? I know this sounds silly... but it seems a little strange to me. What do you guys think?
Member # 13388
posted 04-08-2010 05:31 AM
Have you talked this over this him? That's where I'd start. Each person and couple is different, so it's what YOU think that matters: if you're thinking it's not very meaningful, then that's something you can address and have the right to do. I'm glad that you've been very happy in this relationship -- I know you've made some big life changes like moving abroad for it -- but, based on what you've posted here over time, I wonder if you're truly as happy as you're saying you are? I'm not asking to challenge you but rather to suggest you take this opportunity to reflect on what you're getting from this relationship as well as what you'd want from an ideal relationship, and take it from there.
Member # 35546
posted 04-08-2010 05:38 AM
^ Thanks Ecofem. I have been thinking about this, and I've found that all things considered, I AM very happy. I guess I'm just afraid of having that happiness get taken away... or just finding that the romance is gone too fast. I think my boyfriend and I work very well together, but maintaining our relationship's "longevity" is important to me. I think the main difference is (and my bf and I have discussed this), he is very much into the idea of domesticity whereas I am still hoping to extend the honeymoon period type feelings for a while longer. :/
Member # 44405
posted 04-08-2010 02:45 PM
I know to some extent how you might feel. My girlfriend didn't really use to give me gifts. Christmas, birthdays, Valentines, what have you, not even a card, and she forgot my birthday one year (I've since got over it and can laugh about it, but I was thoroughly hurt that day.)
My best advice would be to communicate, let him know that you'd like for him to display romantic gestures. I know there's articles available here on Scarleteen on communication. Me and my girlfriend also used this little quiztype site to determine our love languages, and determined we speak a little different in terms of romance. Hers was Gifts, receiving and giving, and she does express her affection through giving gifts, even small ones, and by holding onto just about anything I've ever given her. While mine was Undivided Attention and admittedly, I feel the most loved when she's paying attention to me alone, and I tend to give her my full attention. Proves we speak different languages, and also helps to find ways to present each other with loving gestures we both will register. While I'd not take it to be 100% accurate, it's a fun thing to do with your partner. Love Language Quiz