T O P I C R E V I E W
Member # 45424
posted 02-17-2010 01:14 AM
My boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 months now. We are sexually active and are always spending as much time as we can with each other.
Before him and I began to date, he had been in a long-term relationship of 4 years.. they at one point even lived with each other. From what I know they use to fight a lot.. and their relationship came to an end after he found out she had cheated on him. He was single for almost a year before he and I became official boyfriend and girlfriend. Now I am not the jealous type, and I trust him 100%. What I am a little worried about is his ex. She still tries to talk to him by calling and texting him. She even called him on his birthday to ask if she could take him out and treat him to a birthday dinner.. even though she is well aware that he is seeing me and is in a relationship with me. I don't know if I am over re-acting but I am so threatend by her. And I think it is because they were together for SO long. I am scared he still thinks about her.. and wishes I were different. I am at his house all the time and his younger brothers even mention her from time to time. It really is bothering me because I feel that I might be falling in love with him..and I do not want to fall for him when he is just trying to get over her by being with me. He says that he is really attracted to me, and really really likes me. EVen texting me during the day at work saying he misses me. But the thought of her and him are always on my mind. I am going crazy because I don't know what to do! And I really don't want my jealousness towards her and their past relationship to ruin mine and his. Please give me some advice!!! I don't know how to feel!
Member # 45735
posted 02-17-2010 05:58 AM
Have you spoken to him about your feelings?
Being open and constantly communicating is important in any relationship, especially when you have doubts. ASK HIM ABOUT IT. give him a a chance to reassure you , let him know how you feel and what your fears are. Be as honest as possible with him. But he is with YOU and NOT HER. there must be a reason for that.talk to him about it.
Member # 45694
posted 02-17-2010 08:10 PM
Talking to your boyfriend will help alleviate feelings of jealousy if they're unfounded. And do keep this in mind (I know I try to when dealing with my boyfriend's ex)--they broke up for a reason!
Member # 41590
posted 02-17-2010 10:40 PM
Agreed, definitely talk.
Communication is key in a growing relationship. Just sit down and openly talk about how you've been feeling and what worries you; you'll be surprised how it can help.
Member # 45424
posted 02-18-2010 11:30 AM
I really want to speak to him about it. But I'm so nervous too! I know that now that we are in a relationship I should be open about my feelings... This is my first "adult" relationship (lol)
But I dont know how to : a.) Bring it up b.) explain how I feel w/out looking like a child.
Member # 3
posted 02-18-2010 11:38 AM
Well, the first thing you probably just want to ask is how HE feels about her calling/texting him a lot. Is that something he wants and is comfortable with? Is he trying to cultivate a friendship?
Member # 45694
posted 02-22-2010 09:12 PM
There's no need to feel like a child. Just say that you know it's probably nothing to worry about, but that it still bothers you that this is happening. As long as you avoid being accusatory without any need or throwing a tantrum, you're safely out of the child zone.
Member # 45424
posted 03-01-2010 04:54 PM
So I asked my boyfriend about it.
I asked him if he is trying to be friends with her for the sake of their history together.. and he told me no. And then I asked him, "Do you ever text her back when she texts you and stuff?" and his reply was, "somtimes, depends on what she asks." I really wanted to ask what kinds of questions, but i didnt want him to feel attacked. Later on that night I asked him if he misses her sometimes. And he told me that at one point after they broke up he really did miss her, and would actually cry about what happend to their relationship. and tried to work things out, But he said "then you realize that things arent going to change and you have to move on. " His honest answer really broke me down and I wanted to cry. They shared so many things not just memories but, material things. Like his laptop has two users.. him and her. (their names) on his PS3.. it has two users.. him and her. They bought a dog together, they bought their cars from the same place, same color even same company...together. And I know that obviously they will share these things after 4 years. But Im falling so in love with him I am actually scared of what could happen. Especially now that she is trying extra hard to stay in his life.. I feel if she continues, that we won't be able to grow in our relationship. I just don't understand why he doesnt get rid of her (like her name on his computer and stuff) I did that with my exboyfriend. The only thing I have left of my ex is his name on my phone. Thats it. Nothing else is saved because I wanted to totally forget about him, so that I could give my all to my current boyfriend. My exboyfriend at one point tried to play the same game she is now.. but I told him to stop, and he did. I dont understand why he won't do that with her..or if he has, why wont she just stop? Its really bothering me that they shared so many memories and that he was SO hurt when she cheated on him. I hate that she did that. and I really hate how badly she is trying to get in his head when she KNOWS that he is with ME.
Member # 45424
posted 03-25-2010 07:45 PM
Sooo I just thought Id update this and let everyone know that I talked to him about it.
He told me that she is NOTHING to worry about. and she is the last thing on his mind.. that he wants me and only me.. and that things with her are staying right where they are..in the past. I was soooo happy when he told me this because, he has been so great and i just really didnt want my jealousy towards her to ruin anything between me and my boyfriend. Thank god i confronted my concerns and he was honest and told me the truth. I couldnt be happier! Thanks for all your guys help!
Member # 46402
posted 03-28-2010 02:22 PM
You were so really over re-acting about the issue. Once you can talk with him and all matter close out automatically. All tension gone away from you and you are feeling now relax. This is the matter that good relationship can made on trust and open thought.
Member # 46333
posted 03-28-2010 08:14 PM
Hey. I wanted to share a personal story.
Mine is a little different; my boyfriend of over a year, still has pictures of his ex on his facebook (he hasnt taken the time to go on an untag himself/delete) it's really not that big of a deal, but it made me worry, I figured if he was with me why would he publically keep photos displayed of him making out with another girl--but they were over long ago and "it just does not matter" sure its annoying but some things you just can't take to heart! But you really need to think; perhaps this was his first real love; and you NEVER EVER forget your first love, he might always forever in his heart have a special place for her and there's nothing wrong with that. These material things they share isn't his fault; perhaps he could delete her number, her user name off his computer and psp; erase her from your view (but he'll need to do this at his own pace, just because he's not ready to let go of certain things now doesn't mean he doesn't care about you/enjoy you, you can suggest it and perhaps he could slowly eliminate her from his life), but it's not fair to eliminate her completely, she was a part of his life, and he should be able to share and talk about ANYTHING with you, the very first step is you 110% need to be honest and open with him, tell him how you feel, you need to accept that hes been with other people, be stronger emotionally and let him move on at his own pace; if you end up being his re-bound whether or not he intends you to be-- that's just fate, falling in love and getting hurt is part of life-- but for now all you can do is maintain good communication, tell him how you feel and hope he can accomodate you to feel better about the situation--but at the same time you need to be understanding of his feelings.